I don't want to breastfeed.

[MrsHJFL]

Hey guys,

So I'm a first time mummy to be, just starting my second trimester. I'm getting alot if people asking me if I'm going to breastfeed and.. The answer is no.

I don't have any desire to do it, I really dont want to. And it will be nice for my husband to be able to help me feed.

Most people I tell this too are completely supportive. But I feel everywhere I look, online, TV shows etc they only talk about breastfeeding and never show or talk about parents that want to use formula. Makes me feel almost guilty for making this desicion.

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

How had it been for you? Do you have any tips or recommendations on what formula to use?

Just feel alone in this 'no breast' world haha xx

I wanted to breastfeed for purely lazy and cheap reasons! However after a month it didn't work out ( a lot to do with pnd). I really wish I had met someone who could have told me ff is fine and ok , as i heat myself up for a while ( again pnd) .
Now - 6 years on! - I barely think about it .

• beat myself up that should say!

There's also a feminist movement that (as much as they can - formula can't be avoided always) don't like the exploitative nature of inpregnanting female cows only to take their babies and take their milk. @ScissorsBike

Britain has the worst breastfed rates in the entire world so don't worry you are very far from alone.

@ScissorsBike You're not a feminist. Feminists don't drag other women down or criticise the choices they make for themselves and their families. It's quite insulting to those of us who are feminists to claim feminism as a reason for your bonkers views. You didn't want to breastfeed and that's fine. You don't need to try to justify yourself by spurious links to the patriarchy or by trying to bring other women down. Be secure in your own choices at least.

I never wanted to breastfeed at all. My baby was premature and was in NICU for 6 weeks and I did express for the first few days so he could get colostrum. I stopped after 4 or 5 days with the consultant’s support and they moved him on to formula.
He started on cow and gate first, we moved him to HIPP anti reflux due to silent reflux. It’s been absolutely fine and I didn’t face any prejudice about it at all, not even from medical professionals.
It’s entirely up to you and don’t let anyone tell you different.
I just didn’t want to breastfeed. Simple as that.

I don't care how other people feed their babies, don't understand why anyone would, but I always think when I see threads like this one that if you want to encourage new mums to try breastfeeding, going on about the benefits for the child etc is the wrong way to go about it. We all do things that are not the absolute best for our kids at some point or another, and it's not like you can tell the difference between bf and non-bf kids. If you want to encourage breastfeeding, point out how convenient it is after the initial stage. Not having to take milk out with you, sitting on your arse feeding the baby and browsing your phone (you need hands to bottle-feed), it's a very handy tool for comforting them when they are upset/hurt/ill, it helps them sleep... I started out hoping to manage a few months... Dd now 16 months and it seems like more effort to stop than carry on! That's the side you should push if you want to encourage it.

"For me breastfeeding is the most wonderful bonding experience, so much more than bottle feeding - which is just functional really."

"I found breastfeeding my three children was and as I still am still is one of the things that most identified me as a woman and a mother"

I had to ff and felt perfectly bonded with my baby. I also felt, and continue to feel, identified as a woman and mother, thanks.

I didn't want too either, I didn't breastfeed either of my two dc, it was my choice and I refused to let anyone pressure me otherwise as it was my bloody boob and my baby. Stand strong in your decision op

Make the decision you want. Accept that others make different decisions, and don't manufacture guilt that need not exist.

I breastfed, loved it immensely, and will always be proud of my choice.
And I support every woman's right to make her own choice, especially where it concerns her own body.
Mothers are portrayed as saintly, self-sacrificial beings, but we are still perfectly reasonable to make a decision about our own bodies that prioritises ourselves, and not our children.
I'd like every woman to feel happy with her own decision without needing to undermine anyone else's choice.
You have the absolute right to decide how to use your own body.

If you choose to use formula, you will be in the majority in the UK.
Good luck with your pregnancy.

It's your baby, you can do what you like. You are within your rights to tell everyone who tries to pressure you to back the fuck off and stop trying to undermine you and guilt trip you at such a sensitive time. Millions of babies have only ever been formula fed and are walking around right now, healthy, happy, fully functioning, successful and intelligent.

BUT. And it's a big BUT. I would strongly, strongly recommend that you do try to BF your baby at least some of the time, for the first two weeks or so. It's for the colostrum, which is hugely beneficial for your baby's auto-immune system. Also it will really help you bond.

If you hate it and it hurts ofr just makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, you can stop at any time. Some people take to BFing like a duck to water, other people struggle so much it can drive them to depression. You do what is right for you, and don't feel you have to tie yourself in knots explaining yourself to anyone.

I'd always urge every woman to try BFing at least for a little while, but I'd never, ever argue the toss with someone who wanted to stop.

Scientifically breast milk is best for your baby - that’s what the experts say. So I wouldn’t take notice of what anyone says on this thread to the contrary - listen to tje experts . However formula isn’t poison and has all the nutrients to make your baby healthy and strong. I do think all the people trying to put you off breastfeeding on this thread are doing you a disservice. You should be encouraged to breastfeed your baby because that is what’s best despite that making some people feel judged or whatever (but it’s not an attack on them). If you can’t breastfeed then formula is a decent alternative and you shouldn’t feel guilty for using it.

My advice though is to probably stay clear of conversations like this as people can feel like there’re being attacked if you disagree with them. I do think FF mums hold a lot of guilt (which I can see coming out on this thread) which is really sad xx

I was adamant I wouldn't breastfeed during pregnancy. However an opportunistic midwife caught me in the post epidural fog and I didn't really get a choice. DS latched on and I ended up doing it for about 3 months before doing a mix of formula and breast feeds. I was completely miserable the whole time I was breast feeding, felt so lonely as I was the only one that could feed him. Rather than helping me bond with the baby it had the reverse effect.

I know this isn't everyone's experience, most people have a really positive experience. Sadly I didn't. I probably won't breast feed if I have a second child.

It's 100% your decision, do what is best for you and your family. At the end of the day, a happy healthy and fed baby and a happy mother is what matters.

“ I don’t understand women who don’t at least try”
“ I can’t get my head round not even giving it a go”
“I feel sad when a mum won’t try it”
It doesn’t matter, all that matters is how the woman herself feels, anyone else’s feelings on the matter are irrelevant and luckily women who FF by choice from the start dont need permission or understanding any more than women who BF do

Well said Hopping

God these threads always descend into a bunfight.

DS was FF, he didn't latch, I expressed colostrum and then what tiny bit of milk I had before we moved solely to formula. There's was absolutely no support for BF because I lived in the "wrong" area. I spent most of his first year feeling painfully guilt. Now that just feels like a waste of emotion. I wouldn't put myself through that if we have a second baby.

I think there is often an image of FF mum's- there's always comments on MN all the time: they want to go for nights out and weekends away, that bottle feeding means theyre detached during feeds, that they can get full night's sleep and it's not (always) true. I mean, it's really hard to bottle feed and scroll on your phone at the same time! 😁

Anyway, do what you feel is best OP - I'd highly recommend a perfect prep and an electric Steriliser and getting in a good routine early on with washing & sterilising bottles. All the best with your pregnancy.

I wanted to BF for as long as possible. Daughter was born with a tongue tie and I have PCOS so low milk supply so I did top ups with formula because she started losing weight. At 8 weeks I switched to full tome formula as she wasn’t happy and wouldn’t latch on. I felt horrendously guilty. See how you feel when your baby is born but don’t feel guilty or let anyone push you into anything it is your baby and if you don’t want to BF then don’t. I did loads of research and agree with one of the first posters that they all contain the same ingredients they are heavily tested and are not allowed to be sold without meeting strict guidelines so don’t feel pressured into buying expensive straight off, that said my DD got quite bad colic and so I switched to a comfort milk which helped ! Congratulations

@ginger1982 she could not have cleared that she was talking about herself. It is possible to talk about ones breastfeeding experience without bashing formula feeding.

I bonded with both of my children and love them equally; but my youngest (who is breastfed) does have a stronger bond with me than my eldest who was formula fed. Now that may down to their personalities and nothing to do with how they were fed, who knows. The point is that for SOME women breastfeeding is amazing and works for their family and for SOME women it doesn't. But we are all entitled to share our personal opinions and experiences without it being derogatory to others.

*could not have been clearer sorry

Are there any mums out there like me who have never wanted to breastfeed and have babies only fed on formula?

This is what the OP asked. Not for the views of people who themselves can see no other way than breastfeeding

I’d suggest just lying a little bit. If you get asked how you’re planning to feed your baby just say that you’ll wait and see. You don’t really need to go into any more detail.

Same when the baby is here, if you get asked how you’re feeding, just answer that you’re formula feeding. You don’t need to explain yourself unless you’re feeding them dairy milk and Diet Coke.

No real tips for bottle feeding, it’s pretty easy. I made up bottles 3 at a time and kept in the back of the fridge because hungry babies aren’t patient and ready made all the time is expensive.

Impartial prep advice is here www.who.int/foodsafety/publications/micro/PIF_Bottle_en.pdf

I never wanted to breastfeed, never did and my son is perfectly fine. The hospital were very supportive when I had him. I did try when he was born and the midwife said he was a lazy baby! I’m days away from having my daughter and I plan to formula feed again. The midwife I saw this time round was a bit condescending about it and told me to make sure I look at my baby when I feed her and hold her close as if I was some sort of monster! I’m sure my daughter will be perfectly fine too. My little boy got into a routine quickly and was sleeping through within 6 weeks and was always happy so I’m assuming I haven’t poisoned him! He’s 2 now and he’s awesome!

I breastfed first the first few weeks with both babies but really struggled and my milk never really came in. I got a lot of judgey comments from family members but I knew in my heart fed is best. Both my kids are healthy and happy little babies!

Oh I didn’t formula feed because I was wanted to drink/smoke/do drugs/abandon my child! He was 2 in January and I still haven’t had a drink or been out! He’s only ever been left once overnight with his dad as I had to have an operation and our bond is incredibly strong so don’t listen to a word of any formula feeding bashing! It’s your choice!

"It is possible to talk about ones breastfeeding experience without bashing formula feeding."

CinderellasSecrets yes it is. It's all in what is said and what was said had a definite undertone.