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Calling all Asian Mums/ South London

248 replies

SANA · 22/09/2004 13:24

Hi,

I am expecing my first child in Feb 05 and as most of my friends dont have children really looking to get to know mums close to me for general chit chat & poss meet ups. My ethnic background is Indian although I was born in the UK and work in the city & am looking to go back to work after maternity leave.

Any one out there with a similar background?

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MUSA · 01/10/2004 12:32

Hi sana firstly congratulations to you, im indian to born in the uk, but don't live in south london. I live in east london, i had my first baby last year, and yes you do sometime's need people to talk to and it's nice when you got somebody in the same boat as you.

I used to work in the city to, but gave up work before i was having a baby, im still at home enjoying the baby, and making the most of it, as they grow up so fast.

If ever you would like to talk i can email you my email address. Take care and hope everything goes well for you.

lena.

Original poster
SANA · 07/10/2004 16:20

Musa, I nearly fell of my chair when i read your message as had given up on there being other Asian mums out there, even though they r all over the place, i supposse just not mners!! would love to chat, do u have family near by??

I am over a 100 miles away from all my family & feeling rather isolated with this baby thing at the moment.

How did your pregnancy go?? I am 5mths at the moment & feeling fine except piling on the pounds!!

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 07/10/2004 16:27

Hi I'm of Indian origin too, but a born and bread brit (hackney as it happens), currently reside in essex. I've just had dd2, dd1 being 19mo. I dunno if I'll return to work after this maternity leave did last time, I'm an accountant btw and work in London.

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motherinferior · 07/10/2004 16:34

There are several other Asian MNers - try doing a search, other threads on this before!

I'm in South London and I'm half Asian but you'd never guess, because I'm terribly fair skinned and red haired.

motherinferior · 07/10/2004 16:35

(DP half Bangladeshi, but those darn fair genes got through to the girls too!)

MUSA · 12/10/2004 21:18

Hi sana you made me laugh when you said you nearly fell off your chair, how you getting on?, yea i have family by me a older sister that live's near by and two brother's. My parent's live 6 months in this country and 6 months in india. They are leaving next week gonna miss them loads. Dont't you worry about piling on the pounds because i was 7 stone's when i found out i was expecting a baby, i went up to 11 stone's. Dont's fall off your chair just yet i was huge but i loved every minute of it. I am now 7 and a half stone's, so i lost most of it when i saw myself in a couple of piture's, and the baby's weight was 7lb 12oz that was bit for me im only about 5 2ins not very tall.

I would love to chat to you, it's so nice when other people have children to at least you can have baby conversation. love to hear from you soon take care.

lena x

Original poster
SANA · 14/10/2004 13:07

Hello all of you , back on my chair now....yipeeeee. i have just passed the 20week mark this week, have sacn next week & cant wait to c the baby ( again)

any of your parents/family giving u strange advice on what to eat & not to eat. Musa how on earth did u shift your weight? i started on just over 8.5 stones & now am just over 9. I am pretty small as well but look huge, I am just so hungry all the time now, is this normal???????

I am still working full time, very tiring as job is soooooooo demanding & I am planning on working up to 2wks before I am due ( dont know if this is realistic but will c how i feel at the time)

motherinferior, where abouts r u? I am in Clapham. Bet all the Indians think u r boooooooooootiful with your fair skin, dont know why asians have such a hang up on this???? anyone else come up with this problem, both dh & I r fairly dark skinned and I could just imagine when I have a baby that looks like us ( fingers crossed) that will be the first thing they all comment on

fuzzywuzzy, how did u cope when u went back to work last time?? did u have family helping??

OP posts:
MUSA · 14/10/2004 20:34

Hiya sana i was very hungry all the time, i used to wake up about 2ish every morning and start the day by eating lots of weetabix, it had to be weetabix. I used to drink a pint of milk a day just could'nt stop eating. Don't worry too put about putting on weight, you can worry about that later, as long as mother and baby are both healthy.

So are you going to find out the sex of the baby?, i did because i just could'nt wait, but im was glad i did. So have you thought of any names yet?, thats when the it get's hard lot's of fights with the husband, i said to my husband if it's a girl you can name her, and if it's a boy i will name him, and i won. well take care hope to here from you soon.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/10/2004 20:46

I went back part time after dd1 Sana, my husband works shifts so I'd go to work when he was off, I also worked two days from home. Must say my boss is a complete star and let me pretty much come and go as I chose. But I really missed dd when I was at work although staying at home drives me bonkers, so I am just going to play it by ear. This time I will probably have SIL's coming over to help out so could theoretically go back to work f/t question is do I want to??
I must say the fair complexion=breathtakingly beautiful asian concept drives me wild. My mother's reaction to DD2 gosh she's so very gorgeous (fair enough) so fair, unlike dd1 !!! She looks like you dd1 looks like your dp, luckily I was still woozy from having given birth....

MUSA · 14/10/2004 21:31

Do any of you guys think it is selfish to have one child.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/10/2004 21:34

Hmm wasn't there a thread about this a while back??? Personally I don't think so, it's what you feel you can cope with/want than why not?? Mind you dd1 was going to be an only child....

MUSA · 14/10/2004 21:48

I did start a thread about this a while ago, just wanted to know how you guys feel or felt towards this, so fuzzywuzzy what made you change your mind?.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/10/2004 21:58

ummm mother nature?? DD2 wasn't planned tbh, we went on holiday and I came back knocked up I wouldn't change it of course. The main reason for me was that it took forever (5 years) before I fell pg with dd1, and I honestly didn't want to go through the heartache of all that again, my plan was to be happy and thankful for the one I already had. My mother was seriously displeased with that she thinks I ought to perservere till I have a boy!!! Never mind the fact that I may just be destined to pop girls.. mothers sigh

MUSA · 14/10/2004 22:09

ahhhhh two girl's that's wonderful, because im so glad that i have a sister, and your right one is better than none, but i think im gonna stick with one child.

fuzzywuzzy · 14/10/2004 22:14

You have to do what you feel is right for you Musa.
Dp says he wants 11 he'd like his own cricket team apparantly I am seriously hoping this is a joke.....Having said that, one of his workmates signed the card well done only 13 more to go.. 13 more what to go exactly I am not sure..?!?!?

MUSA · 15/10/2004 14:55

fuzzywuzzy where about in essex's do you live?

Original poster
SANA · 15/10/2004 15:14

Hello u 2,

Just come out of crappy meeting, hey having one child is not selfish!! U have to do what feels right for u.

Fuzzywuzzy, thats the other hang up with asians this thing about having a boy. Both dh & i have decided not to find out the sex of the baby, it really does not matter as far as I can c, but honestly girls clothes r just so sweet!! we have been arguing about names with far to much input from family for my liking but not going to get stressed about that

still trying ti decide about going to work, dont get me wrong I def want to go back to work as I dont think I can stay at home all day but not sure how many days I am going to work, but having discussed it at work they require 4 working days at least!!

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fuzzywuzzy · 15/10/2004 19:40

Musa I'm in Dagenham, my h/v actually gave me info on a parents and toddler group for asian women (to try and encourage me ot go out and start socialising) but I never made it out the house, homemaking is an all consuming thing, one of the reasons I went back to work after dd1, needed adult conversation...
Awww Sana you must be on pins though, I went off and bought a whole load of cute pink clothes during both pregnancies, I figured the baby wouldn't mind if it turned out to be boy. We didn't find out the sex either, mainly because his highness wouldn't let me... Have to say the 'it's a girl moment' was absoloutely thrilling, then holding her in my arms...
MI have your girls inherited your red locks??

MUSA · 15/10/2004 23:50

Hello guys fuzzywuzzy im in Hainault, not that far from you, sana it's a shame your all the way in south london. fuzzywuzzy what is your real name mine is lena, i take it sana is sana. musa is what i call my son don't ask me where the hell i got that nick name for him, his name is kai.

yes sana girl's clothes are so cute, and boy's clothes are so boring, going back to work would be nice, sometimes you need that break, my son would never stay now with a baby sitter, he is like super glue three with me, don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I think i better start taking him to mother and toddler group's, other wise he's gonna be a nightmere.

so fuzzywuzzy your 2 down and 11 to go, hey think what it would be like 13 kids sceaming all at once, good luck girl. well im off to bed now speak to you guys soon.

fuzzywuzzy · 16/10/2004 12:12

Errr Musa noooo the card my husbands workmate signed said that, d/p wasn't very forthcoming when quizzed about it.
Sana you live in Hackney don't you?? It's not that far and I regularly trek down there to see my mother, so will be going down come eid, is Clissold Park very far from you Sana??
Mind you at the moment my mother isn't speakig to me, she's offended that I had the audacity to invite my sil down to help me out over the next few months with a new baby...

Original poster
SANA · 18/10/2004 12:51

I am in Clapham, how far is that from u fuzzywuzzy? my mum is a bit upset with me as well, long story but I have invited my mil down to help me after d is born as dont have clue, I wanted my mum to come but she was very vauge about the whole thing & reluctanlty agreed to come to London for 1wk due to her work committments, have tried not to feel resentful about this but i just feel i will need more support and my mil doesnt work so if have really hard labour at least she wont have to rush off. Feel guilty about this all the time and am sure that my mum will never forgive me, we r taliking but since I have been pg its not the same, realy wierd as we have always been close!! both my mum & mil live in the midlands so coming to london is a trex for both of them but my mil seems fine about it all

dh & I went baby shopping yesterday, got a bit carried away but what the heck!! going to the baby show next week but hope not to go overboard...............

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fuzzywuzzy · 18/10/2004 13:48

Oh Sana, I dunno what's going to happen when my sil finally arrives tomorrow, my in laws are under the impression that my mother is wonderful!!! Mother hasn't rung me since I told her sil was coming, I guess I am going to have to bite the bullet and ring her, I need to know the value of my jewelery anyway for Zakat so that's a good excuse. Although I really truly do not want an argument, but I bet you it will turn into a major war... sigh
I went nuts shopping for dd1 and dd2, funnily dp didn't say a word he let me get on with maxing out his credit card (such fun), have you bought a pushchair which one (I have a pushchair obsession)???

MUSA · 18/10/2004 16:27

hello u 2 hope you guys had a good weekend, well i know you did fuzzywuzzy maxing out the credit card you go girl......, sana don't worry the minute your mum's see's the baby thing's will change,if i was living near by i would help you myself, but i will be alway's happy to give you advice.

Original poster
SANA · 19/10/2004 11:26

I am just praying my mum will be fine when d arrives but she can b so stubborn, Fuzzywuzzy it sounds a bit like your mum, maybe they r related!! let me know how it goes when u ring her, like u my inlaws think my mum is great but they have no clue!!

about pushchairs, all very confusing, I know I want a stroller from birth as want something light, I have looked at the Mclaren range they seem pretty dood, any advice????????

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fuzzywuzzy · 19/10/2004 16:24

I've bottled out of calling mother for the time being, am hoping she'll ring me to see how I am, after all I gave birth about three weeks ago and with dd1 I was pretty ill afterwards. I keep telling myself she is my mother and as such has a right over me, personally I don't mind apologising or offerring her appeasement. It's just that my mother thinks she is the only one who matters and my husband should forget his own parents, ie we can give expensive gifts to my own family but woe betide us should we send anything to my inlaws....!!!
Re; pushchair if you want a light one you should take a look at the graco citsport plus looks good, or I really like the new silver cross compact pushchair . Having said that I've not seen them in real life and you really need to try them out before buying. Personally I'd go for the silver cross one, however I think for the time being my puschair rota is full, I started off with a bebecar 3 in 1 which I used for a year it comes with a carry cot, and now I have a phil & teds E3 explorer which I love (see told you I was obsessed with buggies )!!!