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Original poster

My partner won't let me see my family this Christmas

222 replies

AliceCherry · 10/12/2018 08:00

So, my parents have invited myself, my OH, and my LO (6 months old) over on Christmas day this year, (they only live 20 mins away). I would love this. I ADORE spending time with them, plus the idea of not cooking for a day is just bliss to me! My partner however, has said no because he can't stand being around my parents for more than 2 hours. I said that we could drive back early, or only spend a few hours there, but he's declined. He's said that my LO and I can go, and he'll stay at home alone, but obviously that's not an option.

I accepted this at first, thinking that maybe he just wanted a quiet Christmas with the three of us, the first ever! I could get on board with that. But that doesn't appear to be the case.

I looked at our calender this morning, and he's just filled the festive period with trips out with his side of the family for us. Like seriously, we're at his sister's on 20th, his brothers on 21st, his dad's on 22nd, 23rd and 24th, his mum's on the 26th and 27th, and NYE. He's not even asked me. It's just been assumed that I'll drive us around the county all Christmas, (he doesn't drive).

What REALLY hurt though was that he decided yesterday that we'd be having Christmas with his mum and her OH. They're coming to ours apparently, so I guess I'll be in the kitchen all day.

I don't begrudge his family any time with my DS. I really like them and we all have such a good relationship. Plus, it's so so wonderful that my LO has so many family members around and I'm truly grateful for that! It's more than a lot of people have.

I just don't want my side of the family to be left with the dregs... They do so much for us, and they treat my OH like a son. I feel like I never see them anymore, and it's really getting me down.

In general we see his family every weekend. On the flip side though since having my LO, I can think of one Saturday where we've spent the afternoon with my parents, and my OH sulked for the whole time, and barely said two words to them. If I'm lucky I can snatch a couple of hours every other week or so where I see them alone with my DS if my OH is working. That's it though.

Talking to my partner about this will lead to arguments and I don't want a bad atmosphere around my son. What can I do?

OP posts:
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AuchAyeTheNo · 10/12/2018 21:39

OP your awesome!

Luckingfovely · 10/12/2018 21:44

You are being super brave. Now block his number and be done with it!

Linziepie · 10/12/2018 21:55

Well this escalated quickly didn't it...

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TigerQuoll · 10/12/2018 22:16

Well done OP!!!!!!!!

Make sure to follow the suggestions given above re:changing all finances to exclude his name so he doesn't have the power to hurt you financially

ChristmasFlary · 11/12/2018 07:32

Be careful with his family. Blood thicker than water and all that. It may be in their best interests to get you two reconciled so he is off their hands again.

When speaking to them about the situation just stick to the truth, don't embellish it with too much emotion incase they do feed it back and he tries to use it against you.

Also don't tell them anything that you wouldn't want him to know.

I get on well with my inlaws and they are mortified that their son left us for OW last year..... but ultimately he is their son and l never forget that.

buffysummers4 · 11/12/2018 07:44

Well done OP but be careful

ThanosSavedMe · 11/12/2018 07:49

Well done op. He didn’t expect you to not back down and even better than you let his family know. I’m sure he’ll ramp up the being lovely and showing you he’s a changed man, be very cautious.

Sigh81 · 11/12/2018 08:01

Agree with PP about being cautious with his family. However lovely they may be, ultimately he is their son - and they may be displeased to have him back. Also remember that he may be trying to give his version of the story.

Be friendly and polite but don't forget to keep a bit of a distance, if you can.

madcatladyforever · 11/12/2018 08:03

Do you often let him dictate to you what you should do? nobody "let's me" do anything. I am an adult and decide what I am going to do, so should you.
I suggest you tell him you are going to see your family this year and he can do what he wants.

Bibijayne · 11/12/2018 08:05

I am so, so happy to see your updates OP. Stay strong!

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 11/12/2018 08:12

Excellent OP stay strong! Your husband comes across as childish and petulant, really not up to being a partner in an adult relationship. As his father is concerned for you, I would relate to him, as you have set out here, just how unreasonable his son's demands are using the Christmas calendar as an example, expecting you to only visit his family whilst simultaneously showing an enormous amount of disrespect for yours. This simply can't continue, you have capitulated for too long.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do in the long term, your husband is going to have to drastically change and shape up, only you can know if you think that is possible, in the meantime I hope you have a lovely Christmas this year with your own family.

Rtmhwales · 11/12/2018 08:22

Unexpected turn! I love this thread. Good for you for standing up for yourself and for telling his family what he's really being like.

Lovemusic33 · 11/12/2018 08:25

Well done Op, you have done the right thing, can you imagine spending the rest of your life with this controlling man? Your now free x

billybagpuss · 11/12/2018 08:28

Well done OP, hope you feeling ok today now the euphoria may be starting to wear off a bit. Flowers

NeverTalksToStrangers · 11/12/2018 08:34

Well done Op.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/12/2018 08:34

He's realised that all his Christmas visiting plans are up the Swanny with you as his taxi.
Well done for standing firm.

As long as his nice family don't try to get you to take him back, try to maintain a relationship with them. They are your baby's family

Weenurse · 11/12/2018 08:38

Well done. Stay strong. As PP have suggested drain joint accounts, change locks, get important paperwork to your Mum.
Good luck 💐

Bechetdiagnosed · 11/12/2018 09:30

Not only is he an abusuve twat. He’s a man child too.
You are WELL rid OP.

Have a wonderful Christmas celebrating it how YOU want to and make you’re New Yr resolution never to let him control you again. Flowers

toffeecrispees · 11/12/2018 13:03

Well done OP! He was obviously trying to call your bluff as he thought you'd back down and chase after him. What a total bellend he is! He's going to be begging you to come back soon, ignore him. When he realises you mean business he may well get nasty so take care. Amazing strength you have.

SandAndSea · 11/12/2018 13:17

Wow! Well done, OP! Flowers

BishBoshBashBop · 11/12/2018 16:53

Well done. Stay strong. As PP have suggested drain joint accounts

Don't do this. It can end with you getting into alk sorts of legal trouble.

bullyingadvice2017 · 11/12/2018 18:12

How's things today op?

Rach000 · 11/12/2018 18:39

Wow well done. Thats amazing! Stay strong. He sounds like a selfish arse think he expected you to say sorry and go along his plans.

Original poster
AliceCherry · 11/12/2018 18:52

Things are still good today!

He's been messaging A LOT, but I've been strong. I genuinely, hand-on-my-heart don't miss him, which blows my mind. I think I'd just had enough.

We don't have a joint account, so I don't have that to worry about. I don't have any financial ties with him at all actually!

I feel free!

OP posts:
Youbloodywhaat · 11/12/2018 19:02

Standing ovation, OP! Genuinely had my expected you to do it- but you did! Infact you did it so well he did all the hard work for you!

Don't buy into his families nicities. They don't want him either and he will be like poison in their ear soon enough.

You've given yourself (and your son!) The best Christmas present... and your parents their daughter back.

Have a happy life, OP. You can do this.