My partner won't let me see my family this Christmas

[AliceCherry]

So, my parents have invited myself, my OH, and my LO (6 months old) over on Christmas day this year, (they only live 20 mins away). I would love this. I ADORE spending time with them, plus the idea of not cooking for a day is just bliss to me! My partner however, has said no because he can't stand being around my parents for more than 2 hours. I said that we could drive back early, or only spend a few hours there, but he's declined. He's said that my LO and I can go, and he'll stay at home alone, but obviously that's not an option.

I accepted this at first, thinking that maybe he just wanted a quiet Christmas with the three of us, the first ever! I could get on board with that. But that doesn't appear to be the case.

I looked at our calender this morning, and he's just filled the festive period with trips out with his side of the family for us. Like seriously, we're at his sister's on 20th, his brothers on 21st, his dad's on 22nd, 23rd and 24th, his mum's on the 26th and 27th, and NYE. He's not even asked me. It's just been assumed that I'll drive us around the county all Christmas, (he doesn't drive).

What REALLY hurt though was that he decided yesterday that we'd be having Christmas with his mum and her OH. They're coming to ours apparently, so I guess I'll be in the kitchen all day.

I don't begrudge his family any time with my DS. I really like them and we all have such a good relationship. Plus, it's so so wonderful that my LO has so many family members around and I'm truly grateful for that! It's more than a lot of people have.

I just don't want my side of the family to be left with the dregs... They do so much for us, and they treat my OH like a son. I feel like I never see them anymore, and it's really getting me down.

In general we see his family every weekend. On the flip side though since having my LO, I can think of one Saturday where we've spent the afternoon with my parents, and my OH sulked for the whole time, and barely said two words to them. If I'm lucky I can snatch a couple of hours every other week or so where I see them alone with my DS if my OH is working. That's it though.

Talking to my partner about this will lead to arguments and I don't want a bad atmosphere around my son. What can I do?

Just read the update, wow good riddens to bad rubbish.
Your life can only get better from here.
Have a lovely time with your parents and son and let them look after you for a while.

Oh wow, I missed the update! Huzzah for you!!

Was reading this thread and was not expecting that update. Well done x

Youre brilliant OP. Strong woman

I'd get all the locks changed, just for good measure! What a sign that you're absolutely serious and he can naff off permanently!

Wonderful stuff! Merry Christmas OP!!

Well done! And happy Xmas!

Very impressed!

He won't change - thank god you saw him for what he is.

I felt relief when my ex left me last year for OW.... and he wasn't as bad as yours.

I have had a few moments of sadness but many many more moments of happiness

You are amazing! I felt so sad when I read your original post and thought you'd stay with him forever and let him slowly isolate you more and more. You are worth more than he will ever give you. He's not a good role model to your child. You are amazing for getting rid of him!

What did his family reply with? I'm so pleased you told them yourself

Well done op. Stay strong

@seven201 I wondered that too! What a fantastic move Toni form them in a matter of fact and non-drama filled way. That'll take the wind out of his victim sails!

Oh don't invite your parents - let them look after you, you have a little baby, you've been dealing with an exhausting twat of a DP, and you deserve to be looked after at theirs.

And well done OP!

Though please be careful, look out for him when you come and go from the house, and be prepared for him to turn up drunk and aggressive, or switch on the charm and tears. Be strong.

Well done op... don't let him back in. Go to your family's and enjoy Christmas. Tell him he will have did on Boxing Day and make adult party plans for yourself. Good luck. Don't let him back a year from now you will not regret it.

Holy shit, that was an update and a half!! I'm literally sitting here with my mouth wide open! Good for you, OP, seriously. You rock.

I feel so sad reading this as I have been where you are and at the time just saw it as normal. He also hated my family despite them being polite and welcoming and preferred his own families company.

I would go along with it because otherwise he would ruin my day dictating what time we would leave or generally being so moody he was embarrassing. We had two children together and split last year, and since then I feel so much happier and so free making my own choices and decisions. I honestly wish I had left him so much sooner as I look back on the last decade of my life and now can see how emotionally abusive he was and how much I missed out on as a result.

Good lord, that was quick and decisive.

I must say, when you said he was still in bed, that you drive, etc. I began to wonder what he was good for.

Ahh I missed the update! Well done you.

Just on a side note (not to be negative) make sure you fill your next week or so with fun things, maybe your mum or a friend could come over for a take away evening or mum could babysit for an evening out? I found I felt euphoric when he had left but once that feeling had gone the sadness and loneliness set in and I really needed the support to get through not messaging him or taking him back!

This will be a stunt on his behalf. He will assume you will beg him to come back and give in to all demands. If you don't, he will turn nasty or, especially if he get s free home and slave in you, he will pretend to have changed to get his feet back under your table.

AMAZING! I am so so so happy for you! Stay strong and have an utterly brilliant Christmas

Well done OP - what an update! You have done the best thing for you and your child. You should be very proud of yourself.

That's amazing! Good job OP, fantastic news x x

He's not stopping you- you've chosen to prioritise him over your family. And he has priorities his family over you. This is a choice you've made. He has no reason to dislike your parents, so you need to decide if you'll continue to enable and support his behaviour or change yours

This post sounds so familiar. I went nearly 10 years without seeing my parents on Xmas day. By the time he left I had no friends i knew independently of him and could go for months without seeing my family.

My ex also left abruptly when I put my foot down and said no. It wasnt even a big thing. I didn’t feel any hint of sadness I felt overwhelmingly relieved.

Stay strong, don’t let him back.

I actually said 'YES!' outloud!

Well done OP! I bet you had a great day with your mum and son, and the fact you messaged his family and told them how it is is just amazing! Be proud of yourself!

I was just about to tell you that your partner is an emotionally, manipulative, controlling arsehole (just like my ex) but see you have seen the light, welldone op enjoy xmas, it will be sooooo much more fun!