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Original poster

My partner won't let me see my family this Christmas

222 replies

AliceCherry · 10/12/2018 08:00

So, my parents have invited myself, my OH, and my LO (6 months old) over on Christmas day this year, (they only live 20 mins away). I would love this. I ADORE spending time with them, plus the idea of not cooking for a day is just bliss to me! My partner however, has said no because he can't stand being around my parents for more than 2 hours. I said that we could drive back early, or only spend a few hours there, but he's declined. He's said that my LO and I can go, and he'll stay at home alone, but obviously that's not an option.

I accepted this at first, thinking that maybe he just wanted a quiet Christmas with the three of us, the first ever! I could get on board with that. But that doesn't appear to be the case.

I looked at our calender this morning, and he's just filled the festive period with trips out with his side of the family for us. Like seriously, we're at his sister's on 20th, his brothers on 21st, his dad's on 22nd, 23rd and 24th, his mum's on the 26th and 27th, and NYE. He's not even asked me. It's just been assumed that I'll drive us around the county all Christmas, (he doesn't drive).

What REALLY hurt though was that he decided yesterday that we'd be having Christmas with his mum and her OH. They're coming to ours apparently, so I guess I'll be in the kitchen all day.

I don't begrudge his family any time with my DS. I really like them and we all have such a good relationship. Plus, it's so so wonderful that my LO has so many family members around and I'm truly grateful for that! It's more than a lot of people have.

I just don't want my side of the family to be left with the dregs... They do so much for us, and they treat my OH like a son. I feel like I never see them anymore, and it's really getting me down.

In general we see his family every weekend. On the flip side though since having my LO, I can think of one Saturday where we've spent the afternoon with my parents, and my OH sulked for the whole time, and barely said two words to them. If I'm lucky I can snatch a couple of hours every other week or so where I see them alone with my DS if my OH is working. That's it though.

Talking to my partner about this will lead to arguments and I don't want a bad atmosphere around my son. What can I do?

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sollyfromsurrey · 10/12/2018 12:29

Go to your families house. Write DHs family cards (so he can't make up a story) saying how much you regret not being there but as Christmas Day was the only day you could see your family you regretfully had to be away. Tell them how lovely it was to see them on the 20,21,22,23 & 24th and how much you are looking forward to seeing them on the 26th and 27th and wish them a happy day.

Fabaunt · 10/12/2018 16:09

I have an issue, maybe you can clarify. You said in the opening title he won’t let you see your family but in your post it reads like he doesn’t want to go to your families on Christmas Day, but has no issue with you or your child going. It is you who doesn’t want to go, and you who said you’d stay at home. It’s pretty crap he invited all his family but to be honest I’d say you’ve changed your mind. Your going to your mams and let him go to his mams. He’s not stopping you.

scatterbrainedlass · 10/12/2018 16:18

Go and see your parents on Christmas Day, he can cook for his parents if he's so keen to practically live with them!

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Youbloodywhaat · 10/12/2018 16:26

Oh OP. I'm so sad reading this because it sounds like he's managed to do such a good job on you that you can't see how bad it is.

Take your child and enjoy every second with your family- one day your parents will be old, eventually not around anymore and you will treasure the memory spending your ds first Christmas with them.

And deep down I hope you're strong enough to save your Ds from becoming the controlling dickhead your dp models for him.

Original poster
AliceCherry · 10/12/2018 16:37

So, I'd like to thank everyone so much.

I told my OH that I'd be staying at my parent's house over Christmas. He responded by packing his bags, giving me his house key, and leaving. I let him.

I then spend a lovely day with my son and mum.

I dont feel sad. I just feel relieved. Deep down I saw the classic signs of emotional abuse, but I brushed it under the carpet, under the illusion that I was overreacting.

I'm sure he'll try to claw his way back in, but I won't allow it. I pay the bills, I care for my son 100% . I don't actually need him. :) I feel fabulous.

Side note: I messaged all of his family and told them the situation. I was bluntly honest.

Thank you all!!!!! 💚

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceCherry · 10/12/2018 16:38

Please excuse my poor grammar. I'm just so excited!!!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 10/12/2018 16:40

Good for you. You’re well rid.

n0ne · 10/12/2018 16:40

Way to go, OP!

SilverDoe · 10/12/2018 16:41

I’m so excited for you!!

This is such a great step in your life, you should be so proud of yourself and I’m glad that the pathetic arsehole acted exactly as such arseholes do when women actually stand up to them.

Here’s to your bright new future GinFlowers

Auntiepatricia · 10/12/2018 16:42

Aw bloody hell! That’s the best update I’ve ever read. Please don’t let him back in to jerk you around. Enjoy your freedom and your future!

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/12/2018 16:42

Your life can ony be better!

MadeForThis · 10/12/2018 16:43

Well done!!

AnyFucker · 10/12/2018 16:45

Bye, Felipe Smile

Horsewithnomane · 10/12/2018 16:46

Result.

And if I'm honest, I never expected this.

BoswellsBollocks · 10/12/2018 16:49

Whoop! Well done you Flowers

Emptyspace · 10/12/2018 16:50

You can have a lovely Christmas now!

happyclutterchucker · 10/12/2018 16:51

Well that didn't turn out the way I thought it would. I'm glad for you, he sounded awful and you will get so much more love and affection from your family that you would have got from him.

He sounds totally immature.

Be warned though, it won't be long before he realises which side his bread is buttered and decides to force his way back into your life grace you with his presence again. Stay firm and keep the door shut.

Flowers
flubbadubble · 10/12/2018 16:53

Jings that was a great update. Wishing you all the best Xmas Grin

RomanyRoots · 10/12/2018 16:55

He sounds awful OP, do what you want at Christmas and let him make his own way to his family, you spend the day with your parents.
he sounds a right knob tbh.
You say he isn't controlling in any other way, but your posts say otherwise.

bastardkitty · 10/12/2018 16:55

Well done. Don't let him back in.

TheMerryWidow1 · 10/12/2018 16:55

well done!!!

Namechanger2015 · 10/12/2018 16:57

oh wow! That was a very quick resolution!

Well done for standing your ground - your initial post reminded me of my abusive ex who also wouldn't let me see my lovely family and hated them all for some unknown reason despite them being so supportive and helpful and lovely to him. I also ignored or didn't see the other signs of emotional abuse.

Anyway, I left him 4 years ago and still wake up every day and thank god that I had the stregnth to do that. My life has changed immeasurably, and yours will be so, so different too. Well done.

Elllicam · 10/12/2018 16:57

Good for you!

MrsCatE · 10/12/2018 16:58

Bloody hell, I'd given up on you by 3rd update but effing well done!!! What a turnaround! Should be flagged for classics as the mouse that roared or doormat who turned. Well done @AliceCherry and be prepared from much whining, emotional blackmail, gaslighting and the whole gamut of tools used by manchildren / f*ckwits. X

Bunnymumma · 10/12/2018 16:59

You know what I'd do? Invite your parents to Christmas day at yours as well! That'll put a spanner in his plan to be a selfish arsehat!

I'm sure some of the family will love helping and getting in the kitchen with you to lighten the load too! If he questions it, just say "oh, I assumed you wanted a big family Christmas so I invited mine as well!"