I agree with every word of this article about the ideal of parenting

[margoandjerry]

In the times today

except that I wouldn't bother to explain why I was screaming.

I have lost it badly on one or ten occasions,
ds is now 1 and can read me like a book, he knows when I'm about to blow and never ever pushes me when I cannot take it, infact as the eldest now he gently asists me in my time of need and is a great reader of my moods - a skill no doubt will steel him well with a possible wife in the future.#
I feel I have thus got positive out of a negative as I have always explained and apologised and learned from it.
To this end dd is 4 and has only seen 2 meltdowns and ds2 11 wks) may never see any.

ds1 is now 13 I meant

Blimey, piffle, I thought he was very perceptive for a 1 year old when I read your first post!

yes good article. shouldn't children learn that humans can be pushed to the limit sometimes either?

Good article I think too. Especially the last line about the line btwn good parenting and bad being so narrow.

Thats why, awful and wrong as this mother has been, I couldn't bring myself to hurl abuse at her. I've almost been there myself.

I think a hip flask with gin in helps.

Yes totally agree with the article ( except I do think the motorway thing was a bit extreme). I smiled at this:

"From the child?s point of view, there is a kind of horror in being in the power of a person whose reaction to all provocation is reasoned argument in the eerily composed tones of an automaton."

Children need to see the real parents. What makes them tick, what pushes them too far. This is what makes them feel safe. Kids are designed to push our buttons until we snap. It helps them understand their place in the family and their place in the real world. They also need to see us have huge belly laughs too.
I read "Letting Go as Children Grow" (Deborah Jackson) and I loved it. Its about this topic.

I agree too. I think those who are pushing the ideal line and trying to make those of us who occasionally show a normal human reaction feel terrible are actually making the situation worse, both by helping to push some parents over the age and not teaching children that parents are human too.

But really, niceglasses. A hip flask of gin while driving???

Great article.
At last a reasonable, reasoned and realistic parenting article!

If anyone does manage to maintain a cool, calm, smiley exterior constantly throughout their child's time living at home with them, then they will undoubtedly drop dead the minute they have an empty nest as all the pent up rage and misery finally catches up with them.

A very good article, thank you for posting that MargoandJerry. It's really refreshing to read that it's not just OK but healthy to show feelings of anger in front of your cildren. I actually feel as though a kind of guilt has been lifted through reading that!

(Off the record, may I just assert now that I find it terribly offensive to be coined a "uniquely wicked abberation." )

What a very sensible article. Thanks for sharing.

I tell myself it's good for ds to see me sometimes go a bit mental, as in quite angry, cos he also sees the calm down and that will hopefully teach him to manage his own only human reactions.

I think my emotional MiL was good training for DH when he married me! Not that I am as bad as I was, I don't think oh this is how I feel and no matter anyone else, I have worked a lot on myself, but I am not going to be calm and reasoned about everything! My sis went to uni with someone whose parents had never argued and they'd never spoken to her in a raised voice and when the inevitable arguments broke out in their halls she couldn't handle it and would collapse into tears and have to go hide in her room.

As for being a mother. I never realised that almost everyone else had an opinion on how I should bring up my child, or judge my parenting by a brief meeting on a street or in a shop or restaurant by making snide comments, or giving looks or saving it up to report back on an internet forum so everyone else could be judgemental about my parenting too!

Thanks, I thought it was good too. Car journeys can be so stressful. Liked the tips at the end. Did the first one the other week (leaving for long journey at bedtime), DS2 (9 months) fell asleep straight away, DS1 (3) did not, and was a right royal PITA. Trying to open his seat belt, the door, banging DS2 on the head (he miraculously slept on regardless...), shouting, singing. I can so see how easy it is to lose it in that situation. In a car, where is there to go. Think the suggestion of getting out and screaming is a brilliant one, will try it....

I really liked that article too.

(the suburban worrier one in today's paper was good today too, but I can't seem to access it).

Henrietta - a good idea in theory, but getting out on the hard shoulder of the M4 in the driving rain sounds like suicide to me!!

What a stupid article. 'Buy a car with a dvd player'

how about accepting when you have children that sometimes they are a pain in the arse and learning to rise above it?

Oh and good old-fashioned controlling yourself works too.

oh and it is possible for children to see that you are furious, and learn that is a normal human reaction, without chucking them into the road

I thought it was a great article. I've always felt it's important to show children that adults have feelings and that bad / selfish behaviour has ramifications. I do 2 hours every Friday and Sunday on my own with my 3 young children in the car and there's no way I can "rise above it" every journey.

Enid, the writer of the article didn't defend chucking them in the road.

I rarely lose my temper with my children. I have done, but very, very rarely. I don't know why really as I actually have a terrible temper - or used to have. Maybe when they are teenagers they'll have it all to come .

we are driving to wales on Saturday and I have got bribes, crayons etc

no WAY am I listening to nursery shite singalong tapes

they fight in the back between themselves nicely...and we are hoping to get a people carrier thing and shove them as far away from the front as possible

when they get on my nerves I say "mummy is getting cross, fuse is shortening!!!!!" and then pretend to be a monster or something

snaps them out of it and I can confirm that, yes, I am on the verge of insanity

actually I did buy cd players for them on our drive down to france (cheaper than an ipod by the way, journalist person ). They don't row much in the car tbh.

Enid, most people are human...I think???

I 'control myself' and 'rise above it' most of the time. Sometimes I lose my rag and screech a bit.

Is that not ok with you?

?

I liked the article but have not read the tips below.

I don't loose my rag that often but probably because I am very strict with clear punishments so dd rarely pushes my buttons , I also have a fab partner who knows when to step in.

Out of interest Enid, how are old are your children and do you have to do a lot of long car journeys with them sitting next to each other?

For children aged 10 or above (as Jane Shilling's son is), I don't think a CD player would quite cut it as a long term solution.