I agree with every word of this article about the ideal of parenting

[margoandjerry]

In the times today

except that I wouldn't bother to explain why I was screaming.

WHo said it wasnt ok for a 3 year old to lose it?

Generally, the perceived MN wisdom is that temper tantrums from 3 yos are not good, but temper tantrums from grown ups are wholly justified!

are we there yet!! that is so annoying my answer is nearly 3 hours to go definately going to try that.

I am wee bit like someones sisters friend my parents never remember them arguing in front of us . So i take it very personally when my d/h and i fall out . I am getting better.

I think kids need to know your limits . like everyone else you always feel far worse for shouting afterwards. Distraction i always go for that works 90% of the time.

Yorkshire born and bred here, grandad was a coalminer, grandma worked in a mill, BIL keeps ferrets and races pigeons. Don't think you can get more northern working class credentials than that . However, I do live in the south now.

Twinsetandpearls - I am sorry, I appear to have touched a nerve! Pretend I never made my "joke".

oliveoil - I bet my council estate was worse than yours!! Ner!! Smug!

No, not the class debate again! Cascara was JOKING. You know...that thing that peole with a sense of humour do!

Scans room for one of DS's toys to smash up in frustration....reckon Bob the Builder is going to get it in a minute

mine was fabulous actually, parents still there

do I lose points?

and you are KEEPING ME FROM WORKING

When I said that everyone loses it occasionally and that it's probably unhealthy if you dont I meant everybody. Including and especially children. My view is as a parent your job is to help young children through a tantrum, as you accept their reasoning is way off at age three. They have to go through every stage of a tantrum to experience anger, dissapointment, acceptance etc.

So I musnt be with the consensus because I havent punished my dd for having them in the past and now she's older we can talk reason a little more - to each other, as we need to.

soapbox -

Nobody is 'revelling' in bad parenting, just sharing different experiences. Why do we all have to pretend to be perfect? Why not be honest?

That was for soapbox btw

Actually I do channel my 3 year olds anger and understand if he's frustrated about something. Interestingly, DH who barely ever shouts or gets angry tells ds to sit on the step if he has a tantrum.

Anyway, I was not reveling in it, just sharing so maybe others wouldn't feel so alone/useless/horrible parentlike if the same thing has happened to them. I think it's this culture of hiding our "failings" as parents that leads to us feeling like complete failures.

Malmaman you are probably one of the most sensible posters on this thread.

lol are you sure you are not the same person

you two sound just like that one that got banned by mumsnet

'oh you are the voice of reason'
'oh Enid you are horrid'

etc etc

Temper tantrums aren't punished with time-outs etc.

When DD goes off on one, I usually wait until she's ready to be hugged and comforted.

They're not usually seen as "naughtiness" per se, but a building up of frustration and anger.

They're normal.

by the time i wrote that ww had broke out on here

Yes you lose points olive oil! Honestly, can you try to get a bit more competitive! You are a Mother!!!

My council estate actually wasn't that bad either, but it had a bad reputation, I guess just because it was a big council estate, and people used to take the piss a lot!

Enid I would never use a word like horrid :-)

Smug? Condescending? Yes. Horrid? No.

I dont feel like a failure. I'm actually quite pleased with myself that I didnt repress my emotions as I hope this will set a example to my dd that it's ok to be angry sometimes and I think if you do bring strive to bring your children up in some kind of cottonwool fairyland utopia - 1/ its all very nice but you're not helping them in the long run as people are not infallible and make mistakes and errors of judgement in their behaviour 2/ they probably wont 'get' you in years to come and may feel like failures themselves as they try to live up to pinnacle of virtuosity that is their parents!

There! I've said it. Done.

LoveAngel used horrid twice then.. now I am a little suspicious!

you weren't touching my nerves cascara you were amusing me!

All my childhood memories of the kids with 'perfect parents' are of kids who were bloody horrible once their parents were out of earshot.

Ah, good

I am not bloody Malmaman! And if I used the word horrid I did so in a fit of frustration, honest :-) I don't use the word in RL. I am a cock-a-nee doncha know?

No we're really not the same person!