How much does having children really change your life?

[sunshinecloudyday]

I'm not quite ready to have children yet and I know everyone says 'your life is completely changed forever' but that is really difficult to imagine. I've never had younger siblings or cousins either. I want to hear from you all of the little day to say things that change - for the better or worse! And whether you think it's best to start having kids earlier or to wait? I want to make a fully formed decision when the time is right!

You will never be carefree again! Ever!
It is also not a reciprocal relationship in that you will love your kids & sacrifice so much for them & then they will leave. They will always love you but you become an afterthought for the most part.
You will have no physical, emotional or financial space until they leave home & even after that.
Do NOT have kids until you can afford to as the financial strain will wreak havoc on your relationship.
Know that if your relationship isn't rock solid kids will expose each & every crack.
Try and have them close together - I didn't & have now been parenting for 21 years with 6 more years to go until the youngest reaches 18! I am physically & emotionally exhausted.
Don't believe people when they say the baby/toddler part is the hardest - it's not! There's a reprieve between about 8 & 12 & then the teens start & that's a whole other ball game!
I love my children - they are the best people I know - but I do regret having started so young. I feel like my entire life & identity has been shaped by being a mother & I have 'wasted' a lot of the other aspects of my personality.

Biggest changes for me-

I actually have a routine, I eat healthy meals, learned how to cook and didn't feel depressed anymore. I have a focus I am smitten with.

Day to day I have to have a plan or I can't fit washing, cleaning, cooking, shopping etc in so well and things mount up. I hoover loads more. I need storage for more than albums and DVDs.

I have to keep things downstairs because it's hard getting back upstairs after I've finally made it down there- I have a 4 year old who won't go upstairs alone at the mo and a new, breastfed baby.
My body is a climbing frame and sometimes I'm just a bit sore all over!

I love sitting and having a cup of tea or coffee with them both happy around me and for the 2 minutes of peace then, I am high on life! Not because it's hard but because whatever I'm doing is working!

Biggest lesson - everything is a phase. Absolutely everything changes and it's better to accept than try to control it.

Kids are the ultimate life changers!!!
A clean and tidy home to start is easier to keep clean and tidy.
Do all your fancy holidays, buy all your designer gear and enjoy yourself to the max before you think about getting pregnant. Be prepared to give it all up, be willing and wanting to give it all up, to start the biggest chapter in your life.
Get yourself some friends with young kiddies (quite easy when you are pregnant as it seems all of a sudden that everyone is pregnant) These friends will be of great emotional and practical support when things get a bit much, as you will be to them.
Then take it all in your stride. Babies don't come with a handbook. If you are calm and relaxed chances are baby will be too. Plan your days ahead but be prepared for things to change.
❤️👶💙

You and your partner will see all your weaknesses writ large. How you cope when you are sleep deprived, financially stretched and dealing with family illness is a good test of character.
You will feel pain when tough things happen in your dc lives. If they are bullied, rejected by friends, get disappointing results, unlucky in love, you will feel it too, and feel helpless to ease their pain.
You will have moments of sheer joy and love amongst the drudgery.

I realised that noone is honest about how hard it is...on here they are x100

You will never have another lie in, hangover or no hangover. You will not have a full unbroken night's sleep for about 4 years, more if unlucky. This affects what you decide to do in the evening.
You will have to (probably) pay to go out in the evening with your partner (babysitter). This also affects what you decide to do in the evening.
Your career will be negatively affected to a greater or lesser extent.
You may develop stress incontinence.
Etc... :)

Oh and your relationship will be under enormous stress. You may break up with your partner at this point. And of course, as the child grows, the stresses and pressures change.
I had kids late ish (35). There are downsides to that too.

^^ this shows the importance of picking your parenting partner very carefully.

I have a young child and slept in till almost lunch time yesterday, and often have unbroken night sleeps, because we fully share the burden.

Find someone who is prepared to fully share the burden of parenting with you, and it is so much easier.

I’ve never been as angry, sworn as much or felt as bad at anything in my life!! Some days it’s ok other days it’s awful. If you have any support system anywhere in the world, move next door to them. Honestly you will need it.

@malificent7 - that's so true.
I think one of the biggest problems with parenthood is that people tell you it's wonderful & worth all the personal sacrifice - but a lot of the time it's not.
I've seen parents bled dry by adult kids. I've seen parents exhausted & suffering with SN kids. I've seen parents broken by their children's drug habits.

Parenthood is NOT a reciprocal relationship at all especially as kids get older. You never get back what you put in & for most of us that's really hard. I'm only now (at 45) beginning to see how I myself never gave back to my parents a fraction of what they gave me.
I also think we are parenting for too long these days. 60 years ago a 16/17 year old would be at college or out earning. Nowadays we often have dependent children at home until their mid 20's!!!!
Rant over!

Yes to all the negative stuff people have said.
But I have teenagers and sometimes I look at them and I still get that feeling like when you hold a newborn and you are so in love, I could spend every minute of every day with them and I find them such good company and so funny.
I am so proud of them and everything they have achieved (even when they haven’t really done that much )and all the crappy bits like night feeds and explosive nappies fade in your memory.
They saved up and bought me a purse for Christmas and I felt so lovely, best present was the thought behind it, they had even wrapped it in paper I loved.
I realise I am a soppy cow and probably a bit weird