How much does having children really change your life?

[sunshinecloudyday]

I'm not quite ready to have children yet and I know everyone says 'your life is completely changed forever' but that is really difficult to imagine. I've never had younger siblings or cousins either. I want to hear from you all of the little day to say things that change - for the better or worse! And whether you think it's best to start having kids earlier or to wait? I want to make a fully formed decision when the time is right!

You will never view the world the same again, you will feel a love so powerful that you never knew existed. It makes you feel vulnerable and is sometimes scary, but so rewarding.

Everything PPs say.

But the positives like MrsMoggins says you cannot convey without sounding like a twat...

My DD is now 3 and whilst she's having fun 'testing boundaries' and 'developing a sense of self' (being a bit of a twat) she's 95% of the time absolutely brilliant fun.

I actually enjoy spending time with her, we go out on trips and it's not painful (small bracket of time between being a baby and a pre-teen!)

She's funny! We make up little stories and she remembers really funny little details.

She listens to me and DH, and remembers what we say, now - she loves talking about things we like (Harry Potter and Star Wars!) and we can have real conversations about them.

She loves us so much, furiously. She tells us lovely things that a friend or family member telling us wouldn't quite mean as much.

It's a bit like spending time with a friend but you have this immense level of pride that on a very basic primal level - you made this person! Everything they are, is (largely) because of you.

She used to be a part of my body. I made her. With bits of my own body. And she's so cool and funny and kind.
It's sort of mind blowing.

Every time you want to go out you need to pack a suitcase of things - nappy change stuff, food & snacks, toys.

If you're sticking to a bedtime routine your nights out end at 6:30pm.

If they are ill, seriously ill, you feel like your world is ending.

You are no longer the masters of your own home. Toys go everywhere. Literally everywhere.

I haven't read the full thread but all I can say is it changes your relationship with husband/boyfriend and sometime not for the better.

But I love my dcs so much, even when ds1 has been talking at me since 6am and ds2 is super clingy and like my shadow

Ok I've just read the last few post and feel safe to say that I love my dcs so much it hurts. I wasn't going to confess it but felt safe after reading some other replies

My life is totally different now I have kids.
Everything has changed -
My job
Finances
Friends
Sleep
Priorities
Sometimes things are really difficult. When you’re so sleep deprived and still have to keep going is the worst.
Although some things seem like a sacrifice, there is so much which is wonderful.
I’m quite a relaxed person and my kids are fairly relaxed too so we just seem to coast along quite happily. I love doing things with them and taking them out and showing them their world.
I love that they’re interested in things and I’ve learnt so much through their interests (who would’ve thought I’d become so well read on dinosaurs and sharks?)
I’ve made new friends through them and taken up new activities to structure my own free time and keep my sense of self.
I just wish I could get rid of the weight I’ve gained. That is a constant struggle!

I think if you are thinking having a child won’t change your life - you are kidding yourself.

Of course it does. For me, it’s totally been for the better. I have one DD who is 1 and half and another on the way.

You just prioritize what is right for you and your little family. Yes it’s hard to get date nights but I believe in having one every month as I want to spend time with my husband. We still go on holidays (DD has many stamps in her passport ) - heading off next month for another babymoon with her as well, it’s not impossible. Weekends can take a bit of planning but nothing terribly hard. Spontaneousness tends to not happen but when it does it’s awesome.

The love you get is amazing, it’s incredible and they make your heart sing and want to bounce around in your chest. You feel so proud of them, of yourself and nothing made me fall harder for my DH than seeing him with our newborn

It doesn't just change your life though, it changes you.

Every single aspect of your life is impacted and it changes completely. Nothing is ever the same.

This thread has been so therapeutic for me to read. I've been mourning life before DC a bit at the moment, missing time and space and peace, but reading these posts have made me see that all the things I am finding tough are really common. I also feel that the love you have for them is indescribable and makes all the challenges so worth it 😊

The big things that have changed for me are not being able to have a lazy day and lie in front of crap telly all day. Coming home from work and being able to relax. Sleep. Things like going to the gym have to be planned with your husband.

Obviously I could also list the hundreds of ways life has changed but I would be repeating a lot of what's already been said.

One thing I didn't expect however was seeing the magic in the world again, the beauty of nature, how amazing some things are and all the little things we as adults take for granted. Seeing the world through a child's eyes and explaining it to them is wonderful. My boys (3 and 1) make me laugh in a daily basis. Yes we are a tired house, and currently a constantly ill house (the bugs/illnesses they bring home - wow) but I can hand on heart say that we are also a happier home who laugh more and express love more than we ever did before (and we did this a lot when there was just us as a couple too).

Everything changes but it's not all bad. I'm tired most of the time, my dd never stops talking which seems sweet but for 12 hours can sometimes drive you insane. She is developing her own thoughts and opinions, which is great although makes things quite challenging at times. She is 3 So has lots of conviction that she is right all the time. She doesn't always listen. Getting her out of the house on time is difficult, she always needs a wee about 2 minutes after finally getting through the door. My house looks like a mess 90% of the time.
But she's brilliant, she's funny, she has a great imagination, seeing things through her eyes is amazing. I love her more than anything, my entire world shifted when she arrived. It's hard to describe what it is that makes up for all the hard stuff but when she comes over and asks for mummy cuddles or turns to me and say I love you it makes everything worth it. Even if 5 minutes later she is trying to put her dolls dress on the cat.

Yes the love is a big surprise. All-consuming. The closest way to describe it is like when you’re a teenager and have an obsessive crush on a boy or a film star. Like you’ll just die without them.

The other cool thing is discovering the sort of people they are. My DD is nearly five and she’s so interesting and cool and clever and funny. I love getting to know how her mind works. She’s definitely someone I would want to be friends with if I met her as an adult.

It’s just lovely. I think once you’ve had the you really can’t imagine them not existing.

I definitely don’t regret a single thing about having children.

Think about how busy you feel right now. But add up all the time you are alone - getting ready for work, tidying up in the evening, pottering about on weekends well, now you have Toby people who will always be with you, unless you have paid or otherwise organised for them to be elsewhere, and in the early years, will generally be wanting or needing something from you. You need to dry your hair? Sure, but your two year old is about to pop in his pants, or your six year old needs to do reading home work, or your 3 month old needs a feed. And in the evenings, you're doing the washing and cleaning that you haven't had time to do in the day.

You'll also fall in love like never before, and if you're lucky (we were) you can enjoy the new world, but it is totally unlike life before!

Toby? I meant tiny

You simply can't prepare for how much it will change. I thought I never wanted children, then warmed to the idea and then had dd1 at 29 , dd 2 just over two years later. I miss loads of stuff from pre children: the ability to 'pop' places, drinking, money, a tidy house, time, waking up on a Sunday and just thinking "fuck it, I'm not getting up for a few hours". But I love them and I love my life now. You don't expect the to love them so very much and how lovely your own children are.

Having my three kids destroy my once beautiful home bit by bit, piece by piece is soul destroying. Some are acts of vandalism, some are just accidents. Everything from cupboard doors, wallpaper peeling,drawing on walls, broken televisions, broken beds, broken toys, cups, plates, curtain pulling, blind yanking, drawing with pen all over my once beautiful leather sofa, my carpets have been professionally cleaned many times over due to food stains,sick, piss , shit , mud from scooters coming in from garden/outside etc. The state they leave the bathroom in pisses me right off too

Never being able to chill out for more then 5 minutes without having to deal with a kiddy problem.

Slowly going insane with the amount of petty rows between the kids, constantly dealing with crying kids is hard work

School runs day in day out for many many more years to come and having to deal with the daily demands from the school for trips, non uniform days, school productions, parent days, homework, reading diary's,discos ,star of the week , sports day, must wear red day, must bring in this day blah blah blah
Then after school activities, play dates, birthday party invites,appointments for docs, dentists, opticians, half term boredom, entertaining them. It just doesn't stop

Food..... where does it all go. I can go shopping one day and I'm back in the supermarket the next. They eat and waste so much.

Everything is revolved round the kids. Day in , day out. I have days where I can't cope and have days where I feel like I'm super mum. Every day is different from the last. Never knew what stress was until I had children

So much has changed since having my DD now aged 3. Concrete things that have changed - before we had her I loved to read all different types of books. Loved to go to the cinema lots. Adored my husband and our life together.
Now I read Winnie the Witch several times a week, watch Hey Duggee and just talk to my husband about our DD. It is SO different, but that’s not a bad thing, your priorities just change. You change.

I realise I have never been completely happy, nor have I ever really known what it meant to love another person. Having my children is the very best thing I ever did. I am glad, however, I waited until my mid 30's to have them. Some of my more disenchanted mummy pals miss their old lives shopping, drinking gin and going on city breaks more than I.

For me having a child changes your life, but it isn't necessarily worse.
The first 2 years were the hardest as I had a child who didn't really sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time and as I was ebf I did the majority of night waking, and only napped for 20-30 mins in the day. The upside was I didn't tie myself to the house, she would sleep or she wouldn't, so I would go out and do groups without worrying about schedules.
As a sahm I do sometimes feel a little claustrophobic and am glad I have a partner who is an equal parent and therefore I have always felt able to go out for a morning or day (Once I had stopped breastfeeding), or a weekend away without worrying about my daughter's care.
I dodmthink the biggest change is simply that you always have to consider the needs and wants of another human, usually before your needs and wants. It's silly things you miss like just cooking whatever because although I have a "good" eater she still won't eat everything and wanting to make a curry, means making a separate meal.

It changes for the better Ime.

You have responsibility and it was what I needed.

If you fancy it OP I’ll let you watch my 4 DC as a wee ‘parenting taster’ while I have a bath pop the bathroom window and run for the hills with my fake I.D and one way ticket to Hawaii, suckerrr

I think a lot of this posts are an exaggeration.i have four kids.
It does take longer to leave the house.
Things like spending the day shopping need some planning before they can happen .
You do worry about them all the time.
Travelling us not so relaxed.
Other then that everything us normal, I certainly don't wake up at stupid 5 o clock , I have hot drinks and long showers, don't carry Mothercare with me everywhere, I go to the toilet alone, don't have dinner at 5 pm, can easily watch 6 o clock news as we have different routine which does not include bath time at 6 pm etc etc.
I think kids change your life as much as you let them.

I was talking about this with friends just the other day. I think the changes get worse as the children get older.

When mine were little, I pretty much did as I wanted and took DC with me. We never had set nap times etc and the DC were used to just sleeping in travel cot wherever and whenever.

But then they start school, and so have to be up early, which means they have to get to bed on time, and they're committed to the school day, so you can't just have weekends away whenever you feel like it anymore.

And then they get social lives, and party invites... and now I have a teen and preteen, and trying to organise anything is a nightmare because one or other of the DC will have arranged to see friends / been invited to a party / need to attend extra training with their hobbies... and trying to meet up with my friends is a logistical nightmare after sorting out the DC.

They also suck all the money out of you too!