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Original poster

If you have an only child ...

101 replies

imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:09

... are you planning on having more or sticking with one? And can you explain your reasons to me?

I've got one dd, 4.5, and I probably won't manage to conceive again as I was always told I couldn't in the first place - dd was a complete surprise! But it's now or never for me age-wise to make the decision as to whether or not to even try to have another one.

I'm torn in half by the decision and wondered what you guys think?

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SherlockLGJ · 05/04/2007 21:11

I only have one, I can not have anymore. He is the apple of our eye and makes our lives complete.

Chandra · 05/04/2007 21:13

I would like to have another one, but it's never the right time (shacky marriage atm). In adition to that, I always had the idea of having children very near to each other in terms of age so they could understand each other better. Being DS 4 I think that soon would be the time when DS would always see a younger brother as a baby

Sometimes I fantasize with the idea of adopting one but I'm sure that would take far longer

sophiewd · 05/04/2007 21:14

don't feel the desparate urge if I am perfectly honest. We are going to try next year but if it happens then that's fantsatic if it doens' then we have a georgeous DD

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Pruni · 05/04/2007 21:15

Message withdrawn

Furball · 05/04/2007 21:16

Loads of previous threads on this hiding in the achives plus a really nice one on all the positives of an only.

We only have the one, don't quite know why but I just didn't see myself with anymore. Hard to explain. Some say they knew they wanted 3 etc. maybe we knew we wanted 1?

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:19

I feel very undecided. I'd resolved myself to never having any children and I never used contraception then dd appeared and dp and I were so happy. We never really thought of having another I think because we were so shocked we'd even had one! I do take contraception now but I know the chances of me conceiving again are minimal.

We're a very small unit of 3 though, I have only my mother and brother living (brother's gay) and dp is adopted and estranged from his family. So dd literally has no other family anywhere. That bothers me.

If I'm honest, if I were to have another one it would be mostly for dd ... Not sure that's a good decision ...

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Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:20

Do you not find your child is one of the only kids with no siblings in their school year? In dd's class there are only 2 other only childern. Does that affect them do you think?

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tinkerbellhadpiles · 05/04/2007 21:21

I'm in the same situation as you imaginaryfriend and I'm ever hopeful for more but enormously grateful for my DD. Make lots of friends and sort out guardianship in your will, it makes you feel a bit better about the small family thing.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:22

Making a will ... now there's a thing ... How do you start with all that?

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princesscc · 05/04/2007 21:23

We only have one, tried twice more and sadly had two ectopics, so its impossible now. Personally, if I'm told I cant have something, I want it more. Nearly all the time it is fine, but there are a few occasions when I wish dd had a sibling or me & DH had one each when we go out. That sounds dreadful, but to explain - I get a bit jealous when we are out with friends who have two and dad holds on to one and mum holds on to the other.

On the up side, dd is a very lovely, happy 11 year old and is quite content with being the only one and Christmas is cheaper too!{grin]

FlossALump · 05/04/2007 21:24

DP originally wanted DS to be an only child. I very much didn't. I was an only child and thought he would hate it. However, now I am pg DS seems to hate the idea. if ever asked about having a brother or sister 'no don't want it' and when trying to tell him about the baby in mummy's tummy the other day he told it to 'go away!'. I will wait and see what he is like when the new baby arrives. He is only 2.4 so I think he is just too young to understand.

Although I hated being an only child I know several others who adored it btw. And I hated it but it was all I knew. I may have hated a sibling more!

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:25

princesscc, are her friends only children or kids with siblings? What does your dd think about being an only child now she's a little older?

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foxybrown · 05/04/2007 21:25

Re: Wills - We did our will through Willaid, a charity where listed solicitors prepare your will and you make a donation to charity. There's a website. I think they do it once a year. It was really, really easy.

Tatties · 05/04/2007 21:26

Imaginaryfriend, how do you think you would feel if you found out you were pregnant?

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:26

I'll look for that, foxy, thanks!

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Chandra · 05/04/2007 21:27

positive thread about having only one

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:28

Tatties - a combination of terrified and over the moon!

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princesscc · 05/04/2007 21:28

Well, I'm a cm, so she is lucky to be surrounded by 'my spares' as we call them! She quite likes the fact that they all go home and she gets everything to herself again. It doesn't seem to be much of a problem, all her friends have got siblings, but since she only goes out with her friends and not their brothers or sisters a well, it doesn't matter. The only problem I have found is that when you get a day when you just want to chill, she hasn't got anyone to chill with, unless we invite someone round.

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:29

Thanks Chandra!

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dandasmummy · 05/04/2007 21:32

I was only child (my brother died when he was a baby). DD1 was a happy accident. Had to think very hard about having another... my age, risks, money, ... Decided to go for it, but felt it really was only for DD1. (We've only a very small family unit and I didn't want her to be an only child. Although maybe I suffered more as one, because I shouldn't have been, if you see what I mean. I missed having siblings because I always grieved one) Anyway, it was the best thing I could've done. Now have 2 wonderful DDs. Having said that, whatever you decide'll be right for you. Just wanted to say, though, that you may do it for your DD, but you will all reap the benefits!

ENTP · 05/04/2007 21:38

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karabiner · 05/04/2007 21:42

we have just the one, not my choice. DH didnt want any more, and I had a terrible time with PND and depression, plus financial reasons and our age (me now 39 and DH 48)

Now at 4.5 time is slipping by and a new sibling wouldnt be much company for DS now.

I'm 40 this year so time is against us and now we feel we have left baby stage behind.

I am torn in half about it most days, DS seems totally happy with me and his Dad, but I feel pangs when meeting up with friends with 2 children. But now I feel a bit too old and worn out really, and am happier to accept DS being an only.

I do think that for the child it is fine as they dont know any different and there are loads of opportunities for children to mix nowadays.

Tatties · 05/04/2007 21:44

ENTP, that's what I was going to say.

karabiner · 05/04/2007 21:46

thinking about it a bit more, what bothers me most about the only child stuff is what other people think and them assuming DS will be spoilt and lonely so on. DS, me and DH have so much fun teasing and laughing at each other all time.

PippiLangstrump · 05/04/2007 21:59

will start trying for no 2 soon. always thought we'd have more than one. fingers crossed!