Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

If you have an only child ...

101 replies

imaginaryfriend · 05/04/2007 21:09

... are you planning on having more or sticking with one? And can you explain your reasons to me?

I've got one dd, 4.5, and I probably won't manage to conceive again as I was always told I couldn't in the first place - dd was a complete surprise! But it's now or never for me age-wise to make the decision as to whether or not to even try to have another one.

I'm torn in half by the decision and wondered what you guys think?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
princesscc · 05/04/2007 22:11

karabiner - we are exactly the same. We gang up on each other. Me & DD, DD & DH or DH & DD! We are also very strict with her, as I would hate for someone to say she was spoilt because she is an only child.

thethirdwiseeasterbunny · 05/04/2007 22:22

I'm in exactly the same position and feel exactly the same way as Sherlock
We feel our ds is the final piece of our jigsaw and he is fantastic !!!

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 05/04/2007 22:31

Sticking to one.

Mainly because hubby said for ages he didn't want another (I did). By the time he changed his mind dd was 4 and I'd just got a place at uni. Meaning she would be 7 before I could have another.

I cannot face the thought of going back to sleepless nights and mardy toddlers. Plus we would need to extend the house or move. Money generally. I quite like been able toafford to spoil dd a bit - horse riding lessons, days out, etc - wouldn't be able to afford it all for 2.

Childcare headaches. I work shifts and have a fab childminder, but she only has kids aged 5 and over. There are rarely childcare vacancies in the village and I don't want to have to stop work.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
twinsetandpearls · 05/04/2007 22:34

we have one for a few reaons:

I was very ill with PND and don;t want to risk it again
momey is tight
I enjoy working and don;t think I would want to be a SAHM again and therefore think it is not right to ahve another
we can't get married
I am not a great mum and therefore want to stick to one child and do a satisfactory job than mess it up by overstretching myself.
I don;t know if it would affect ruin the dynamics of our family if I were to introduce a child by dp, dd is not his.

lackofgravitas · 05/04/2007 22:46

We have one DD, and are sticking with just her. I have one big reason for not having another child - I don't want one. I do sometimes wish DD could have a sibling, and I worry about her being an only, but I simply don't feel the same need for another baby that I had before I had her. Then there are the secondary reasons - I had PND quite badly, and I'm not convinced our marriage would survive a second child. After that there are a whole host of things that I'm sure I would gladly put up with if I really WANTED another child, but as it is I'm rather glad I don't have to do again - pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, weaning, sleepless nights, the whole shebang really.

I was enormously reassured by the 'anyone else got an annoying 3yo' thread, it persuaded me at least a little that she is a complete little madam who thinks she rules the world because she is three, not because she's an only child.

mumfor1standfinaltime · 05/04/2007 22:53

I am getting asked the question at the moment 'are you having any more then?' as ds has just turned 2, and this appears to be the age to 'have another one'.

In some ways I like the idea of it, but in other ways - I don't. I am happy with the way things are for now and to be honest, I really can't see myself having another baby. Saying that - I couldn't imagine having ds! Dh likes things the way they are too. Also we live in a 2 bed house so might have to move and it would be a strain financially.

Although the main reason are that I had a very traumatic birth experience and I am petrified of even visiting a doctor if I did get pg again. I think I would probably hide away! Dh also says he fears the birth as well.

Who knows - maybe in 2 or 3 years I will suddenly get urges, but for now I keep an open mind. And I also believe it is nature who will decide, how do I know it will be so easy?

HotXMum · 05/04/2007 22:57

I only have the one of my own and also cant have anymore. In my ds's year there is only one other only child.

He has never mentioned anything. I feel it more when we have these holidays and you feel obligated to take them out to meet other kids.

There is much more pressure to invite kids home whether you like it or not.

BUT

as my mother in law pointed out to me, you can have as many kids as you like to keep em company but theres no betting they will get along anyway. Could be more trouble than its worth.

LittleEasterLapin · 05/04/2007 22:59

I have one, would love to have another - probably would stop there, as I am 38 now (yikes I keep forgetting that!) But if we can't have another, my DS is so fab I'll be happy with him.

I was an only child until I was 10 (when my stepmum had my sister) and I didn't feel deprived at all.

ELF1981 · 05/04/2007 23:01

I only have one at the moment, she's 18 months old since she was about 9mths old everybody has asked when we are going to have another.
We are planning to have another in the future, but tbh I dont know when as I love our small family unit at the mo.

paddingtonbear1 · 05/04/2007 23:06

we only have 1 at the moment. Not sure about more, mainly for financial reasons and my age (39). dh would like more but we're not at all sure we could afford it. childcare costs are horrendous but I can't afford to give up work!
I am an only myself, my mum couldn't have more. FIL is one of 4 but only sees his sister. If I was to have another it would mainly be for dd, but the age difference may be too great to be playmates anyway.

mythumbelinas · 05/04/2007 23:07

When we only had one child we couldn't imagine having another child, despite family and friends having more kids. We felt she made our lives complete and were able to give her all our attention.
When she was about 3.5 she actually told us she was lonely, that her cousins had brothers and sisters, and why didn't she.
We had said we wouldn't have another, but because of dd we did .. when dd1 was 4.5 dd2 arrived.
It was the best thing .. we just took it as it came and i never thought 'oh, but i was going to return to full time work when dd1 started reception, etc'
They also are completely different personality-wise, and now i truly do feel my family is complete.
All the best to your decision

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 07/04/2007 22:16

Thanks for all these responses.

Today I've spent such a lovely day with dd and been really enjoying her being an only child. For the first time in a while I felt resolved to keep life like this.

OP posts:
FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachesMcLean · 07/04/2007 22:25

"Do you not find your child is one of the only kids with no siblings in their school year? In dd's class there are only 2 other only childern. Does that affect them do you think?"

sorry I haven't yet read this whole thread but was interested in this comment by Imaginary Friend. I'm not sure that does affect them. This week my son commented that he was the only one to go to a childminder. There's always something to get them thinking. DH is an only child too and I've just now asked him whether it affected him when he was younger. After a bit of thought he said "Absolutely not". (He can be very odd, although I really think it's not down to being an only child, he's just peculiar... )

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snaf · 07/04/2007 22:34

I have one child, my ds who is almost 4. I think in my heart of hearts I would probably like another, but my current situation doesn't really lend itself to having babies. If I was in a happy, stable relationship I would probably be feeling a lot more broody, but that's not the case right now.

I'm 34, utterly single and also halfway through midwifery training. I would not want to take time out in my training or within the first couple of years of qualification to have a baby, even with a partner. Plus I would want to be with someone for a while before thinking about children. So, given all that, it seems likely that ds will remain an only child.

I think it would be nice, sometimes, for ds to have sibling(s). But he seems happy enough as the adored only child And I wouldn't want to go through that sleep deprivation again!

Original poster
imaginaryfriend · 07/04/2007 22:41

I asked about the school peer issue because I can't remember ever having known an only child when I was at school. All my mates, and me, had siblings. I'm sure that as a child I'd have been aware that a child with no siblings was 'different' somehow? I may have envied them madly not having to share, etc. but I would have found them different I'm sure.

OP posts:
FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachesMcLean · 07/04/2007 22:57

Now you come to mention it, I was good friends with an only child at school. What really intrigued me about her was that they didn't ahve a telly.

I should clarify DH isn't odd because he's an only child. I was just having a dig at him!

TwinklemEGGan · 07/04/2007 22:57

I've been thinking about this one recently. DS is only 8 months so it's way too soon to be making a decision, but at the moment I really don't think I want another one. It took 4 years to conceive DS and I went to hell and back in the process. I couldn't believe it when I fell pregnant and ended up with a healthy baby boy. It's like I feel complete now - I have closure if you like.

But then it feels really really strange to no longer be yearning for a baby, because I've got one - it's so hard to explain. I do worry about DS being an only child - I think that's the only reason we would end up having another tbh. I'm terrified of having to give birth again as well, plus all the anxiety of pregnancy.

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeachesMcLean · 07/04/2007 23:11

Hi Twinkle, I know just where you're coming from on the anxiety of pregnancy. I had a different situation in that I was pregnant with twins, and sadly one died at 31 weeks. DS was born at 35 weeks. So a very stressful pregnancy and I've never thought I could face it again. I'd love to have a child appear at the age of 1 year, without a stressful pregnancy and first year, but since it doesn't happen like that I think we'll just ahve to stay as we are. And let's face it, DS seems perfectly happy as he is. And he's lovely.

FloatingInChocolateFondue · 07/04/2007 23:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwinklemEGGan · 07/04/2007 23:16

I'm so sorry to hear that Peaches.

FloatingInChocolateFondue - I sooo get your point. I was just thinking after Peaches post that I'm not sure I even want another to just appear!

PeachesMcLean · 07/04/2007 23:18

I do indeed. Glad to know I'm not the only one.