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Original poster

'No children except family children' weddings

215 replies

TiredMummyNov16 · 08/07/2017 20:58

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

OP posts:

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SnickersWasAHorse · 11/07/2017 08:08

As I said, few people consider if the children themselves ever want to be there.

Nottsangel2015 · 11/07/2017 08:24

We got married last month (smallish wedding) and only had our dc there no one else's. it wasn't so much we didn't want them there it was more a cost factor because 3 of our main party have more than 3 children each and would have had significant to our food bill. Also our venue for food wasn't huge so would have struggled with the extra people and of course they would be running around etc and no space.
I understand the issue with a baby one of our guests had a 1 year old but they didn't bring her because it's a blanket rule otherwise people wonder why that child was more important than theirs for instance the couple with the 1 year old were not in our immediate family or bridal party but 2 of the couples were they would have been wondering why their children were not allowed when one of the other guests were.

woodhill · 11/07/2017 08:32

Just go in the day time then go home for your dd. I didn't have dc at my wedding.

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Northend77 · 11/07/2017 10:16

Is the OP ever going to come back!!!!

OoohSmooch · 11/07/2017 10:27

I so despise the 'it's their day, they do what they want' way of thinking, it is up to a point but ultimately if you invite guests then you have to be considerate of those guests.

In this situation I think the bride and groom are being a little unreasonable as there are children there already, it's just the evening part and ultimately you have to leave if your little one isn't permitted to come. HOWEVER they may be concerned about repercussions from other friends whose children haven't been able to come so that may be something to consider.

McTufty · 11/07/2017 10:42

I so despise the 'it's their day, they do what they want' way of thinking, it is up to a point but ultimately if you invite guests then you have to be considerate of those guests.

I totally agree with this principle it I don't think that you have to invite children of guests to be considerate. You need to look after guests that attend. Any invitee that can't or isn't comfortable to attend without their child doesn't have to. It's not being inconsiderate not to invite a child anymore than it is to host the wedding on a day when someone is on holiday or can't go for any number of other reasons.

McTufty · 11/07/2017 10:42

*but not it

MaisyPops · 11/07/2017 16:45

I so despise the 'it's their day, they do what they want' way of thinking, it is up to a point
I hate the your day your rules stuff. You're right. It's true to a point.

The point where anyone uses "but it's MY day..." to justify being rude or obnoxious means I just inwardly hoik my judgey pants on.

Notreallyarsed · 11/07/2017 16:47

While I fully agree the "it's my day" pouting is ridiculous, it's equally ridiculous for anyone to think they have the right to challenge someone because it doesn't suit them. If the day doesn't suit you, don't go. It really is that simple.

NataliaOsipova · 11/07/2017 19:27

People are welcome to have any type of wedding they want, and if they choose to exclude children and babies that is their choice. So long as they then accept that some guests may refuse the invitation and they don't try to guilt the guest or make them feel bad for not going to the wedding, then no problem.

This. In a nutshell. If I were invited to a child free wedding, I would politely decline. But I wouldn't be at all upset about it.

(Funnily enough, we've suffered from the reverse of that. We were invited to a wedding by a member of DH's family. He hates weddings and doesn't really like the bride very much. The invitation stated "no children" and DH was ecstatic. I think his exact phrase was "Yesss...what a get out of jail free card that is!". So I wrote back promptly, declining on the grounds of no childcare and wished them a really lovely day. Unfortunately, the next week we got a call saying that they hadn't meant our children were excluded.... We then had to go and DH was highly peeved....)

Mynd · 11/07/2017 23:15

Well, I've been invited to my sister's wedding. No children allowed at all, not even family ones. My daughters are 6 and 1, I live 5 hours away, and they've put the wedding on a sodding Tuesday. My partner agreed to not go so he could look after the girls, only for sister to throw a strop that he wasn't coming. I think when it gets to this point, when it's made impossibly difficult but not going isn't an option, it's too bloody much.

DirtyDancing · 14/07/2017 21:22

Yes you are. It's their day- go under these conditions or don't go. It's very simple

Firsttimer16 · 18/07/2017 09:45

You are completely out of order I'm afraid OP! Their day, their money, they can invite whoever they want! We had a blanket no children rule at ours and even my husband's niece didn't come - as that's the way we wanted to celebrate. You should never have accepted the invitation without ensuring you had proper childcare I'm afraid! Of course they can dictate who comes when they're paying for all of it! If you couldn't get a pet sitter would you expect to be able to bring your dog?! Of course not - you'd make sure you had arrangements beforehand set up.

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2017 12:04

Then that's how you have your wedding. This is not your wedding - but, you know, you don't have to go to it.

funkynoodle · 19/07/2017 22:39

No I completely understand the couple prohibiting children attending the day. At my wedding I will put a limitation on children that are not immediate family and if someone can't attend due to not having a babysitter I will completely understand. I don't want a child ruining my special day.

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