'No children except family children' weddings

[TiredMummyNov16]

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

I think weddings are a family affair and I had kids at mine. Were I to do it again I would stipulate that "we are only inviting children whose parents who are not indulgent twats"

I liked kids enjoying themselves. I did not like the little git who stuck their finger right into the beautiful glossy chocolate icing of my wedding cake.

Twice.

His Dad looked on, laughing at their behaviour.

Personally, I think babies under 1 are exempt from the no children rules

They weren't at my wedding. I would have preferred a five year old than a screaming baby with a distracted mother. Even if they take them out as soon as they've started crying, it's still disrupted the wedding

Distracted the mother from what exactly at the evening do? Disrupted what by crying and then being taken straight out? You'd hardly hear them over the band/ dj

this is what happens when you have dc, you have to be prepared to miss some things and make sacrifices.
You better get used to it, we didn't go out for years as no family/ friends close by when ours were little.
It's part of being a parent and you are so lucky to have family who can baby sit, they'll be many on here who don't have such luxury.
Have a

YABU. I didn't want children at my wedding but didn't really have a choice as DH has grandchildren. In the end we invited the children of people coming during the day but not those of evening only guests. I still got asked if someone could bring their child but said no as if I'd said yes to one I'd have to have said yes to others and I didn't want any more than necessary.

You can't have only just received the invitation so why didn't you sort out childcare before accepting?

YABU. We're only having family children at our wedding in September. We love our nieces and nephew and we have a little boy too, and my best friends little girl is also invited as she's a flower girl. But I absolutely do not want anybody else children there and if I was asked I would say no too. What if she's had ten other people ask to bring their babies? Who wants to be at a wedding with random children who aren't related to the couple or involved in the wedding. Get a babysitter or don't go. Simple.

I'm not keen on anti-child guest lists for weddings as though children are somehow not a real part of the civil society that makes a marriage a social contract. But I don't think people are obliged to allow every adult guest's child to attend, even to the evening when there is no additional cost involved and it makes things less convenient for the guest.

Equally though, you are not obliged to attend every wedding you're invited to. If it doesn't work for you, don't go.

I missed two of my good friends' weddings six months after I had a baby. Quite honestly I was glad to save the money I'd have had to spend on travel and accomodation and a dress. I sent a card and gift. Weddings aren't that amazing for the people not getting married and not very close or closely related to them. People go so over the top about them.

Go to the wedding and leave after the speeches to take over from your MIL.

That's the way it goes when you have kids. This might be the first time you have had to do this sort of thing but it won't be the last. I think you have to suck it up.

I can't stand child free weddings so I wouldn't go. All or none

I can't believe you asked the bride this close to the wedding to change her plans.
You come across as either very entitled, pfb, or immature. I'm not sure which.
Either way something tells me you have a lot to learn and unless you change your attitude will go through life moaning like moaning myrtle, about all life's injustices.
it's not always about what you think or want.

YANBU, I think your friend is being a bit of a bridezilla. I would just go home before the evening reception then.

Yabu. Quite simply don't go. We had a child free wedding as we have no close family members with children. My cousin moaned she couldn't bring kids (she's not close and I never see her) when she rsvp'd that she wouldn't attend I was quite chuffed.

The whole controlling bride thing is deeply unattractive. What should be a gathering of those that love you turns into a directed show where everyone must do as they're told and gush over the bride, must not get side tracked by anything else because it is their special day and everything must be perfect and it's all about me, me, me!!!

Yabu.
Here is Ireland . Practically all weddings are close family kids only and most of these are collected after the meal.
I think most people would agree that at that time of the evening, smallies are better off tucked up in bed than bring kept up late at a party where adults are drinking .
Get a sitter or send your apologies but I wouldn't embarrass yourself by asking again.

In my mind a wedding should be a traditional family friendly affair anyway.

And that's fine. But the bride - the person who has issued the invitation - disagrees. So you either apologise and say you can't go, or you leave to relieve your MIL.

Precious much?!

Either don't go or go home after the speeches- surely you wouldn't enjoy yourself with a 7 month old at an evening reception anyway? I certainly wouldn't with my 6 month old daughter!

I lost a 15 year friendship over this. She had a family children & selected children rule. My ebf baby who I had no one to leave with didn't make the cut. I very tactfully explained why I couldn't come, wished all the best etc. She's never spoken to me since. Do what's right for you. I personally have no regrets.

Why assume it's a "controlling bride" rather than the groom?

The couple gets to chose who and who cannot be invited to the wedding. With all the consequences of that.

Guests get to decide of the come or not. With all the consequences of that.

Of course, leaving it only a week or two prior to the wedding to sort out childcare does mean you arent wholly committed to attending anyway to be honest.

The whole entitled guest thing is deeply unattractive.

Why not one of you comes home and the other stays? (depending on who is the main friend?).

We had a child free wedding - no exceptions. It was what we wanted - no crying babies or children running around. Not everyone was happy about it but as it was our wedding, it was our decision. When we had our DT's, we missed weddings as we couldn't always get babysitters but we accepted the decision of the bride and groom.

My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter

Did you not think to organise child care when you received the invitation? It's an INVITATION not a summons. I personally think you're very rude OP to have accepted an invitation without childcare in place. You KNEW there was family children only going yet you think your child is the exception to the rule? What a very entitled attitude you have! What a bloody cheek to text the bride to ask her to change her initial decision of family children only. Go to the day and not the evening - it's not hard to understand is it?

So what has changed since you accepted the invite and the week before the wedding. I think it is the Bride and groom prerogative to decide who they want at their wedding. You kind of sound quite self indulgent.
Go for the day and leave after the speeches or don't go at all. The choice us yours but if you don't go I think the friendship might be over.
Your friend has every right to be miffed you had x amount of time to sort out a sitter.

I understand the not wanting a crying baby during the ceremony or speeches(if it was my baby i'd step outside) but sitting in a pram at the back of the room is hardly an inconvenience if it means your friend can come to your evening reception. There is no reason for it if other children are there. There is no distinction between bride or groom but in my experience the bride in bridezilla is so called for a reason.

Just don't go - it's very simple. If you're invited to a child-free wedding and have no-one to leave DC with, you decline the invitation.

Why would you be fuming? This is life with children, sometimes you can't take them places. So you either get a sitter or don't go!