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Original poster

'No children except family children' weddings

215 replies

TiredMummyNov16 · 08/07/2017 20:58

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

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BuzzKillington · 08/07/2017 21:14

Yes, YABU. Just go home in the evening instead - a wedding reception is no place for a 7 month old.

No-one wants babies or small children at weddings.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 08/07/2017 21:14

The wedding is next Saturday. That is really far, far too late to cancel or wanting to change the plans to suit.

Please do not decline at this stage. That would be spectacularly rude.

NerrSnerr · 08/07/2017 21:15

If it's next week and as you've already accepted I actually agree, you can't decline now. Go to the wedding and the reception then go home. Evening dos with small kids are hard work speaks from bitter experience

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GingerRogers84 · 08/07/2017 21:16

We had close family children only (niece, nephews) at our and only 2 people didn't come because of that.
Weddings are expensive and if you change the rule for one then lots of other people get annoyed. To be honest if I'd let all the children come then I would have had to cut down on some of the amazing people I wanted there.
I can see your issue but it's also her big day and those are her wishes I'm afraid. Maybe just go for the daytime?

AntiopeofThemyscira · 08/07/2017 21:16

Her wedding. Stop whining and grow up. Don't go if it's such an issue for you.

That post makes you sound far worse than than the OP.

Don't bother going OP. I certainly wouldn't be.

coldcanary · 08/07/2017 21:18

We did have kids at our wedding but tbh I bloody love a child free wedding!
YABU, if the B&G make an exception for you then they'll get it in the neck from other non family guests who might have had to leave their kids at home.
It's a shame but it's their day.

AntiHop · 08/07/2017 21:18

Yanbu. Childfree weddings only work if you've got reliable childcare such as extended family. There are going to be other children there and it will be no skin off their nose of your 7 month old is there in the evening.

I have the same view as you that weddings are lovely as family occasions. We got married pre dc but went out of our way to make it child friendly.

Trills · 08/07/2017 21:18

In my mind a wedding should be a traditional family friendly affair anyway.

What happens in your mind matters to you.

babyblackbird · 08/07/2017 21:19

I am a bit torn on this because we had a no children wedding except one friend who was still breastfeeding. Even my own sister who had a one year old and was my maid of honour made her own decision to leave her son with a babysitter because she wanted to be fully in the moment for us and enjoy the day herself. I would have been more than happy for my nephew to be there but knew my sister couldn't have enjoyed the day if she was running around after a toddler.

The one baby who was there was very peaceful and yet still on our wedding video you can't hear our vows because the baby happened to be next to the video guy and all you can hear is him loudly snuffling whilst being breastfed !!! Whether it's right or wrong I can tell you I was mighty pissed off when I watched it !

On the other hand I was banned from attending my cousins wedding because she had a very strict no children wedding when my eldest was 4 months old and still breastfeeding At the time I accepted it with good grace, until I then heard that her bridesmaids children were at the wedding !!!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 08/07/2017 21:19

Really? You would cancel at 7 days notice Antiopeo?

That makes you sound very rude.

StarUtopia · 08/07/2017 21:20

Don't bother going??! How incredibly rude when you have already accepted. You should have sorted out appropriate childcare that wouldn't have needed resorting at last minute.

Don't not go - I had 8 people who just didn't bother to turn up on the day - at £45 a head. And myself and DH were paying for the entire day out of our savings.

You are wrong to be fuming. It's their day. They're paying for it. Why on earth should they make an exception for you? Can you imagine how pissed off other guests would then be who did manage to find appropriate childcare in time.

This isn't about you. If you now decide you can't go, at the very least offer to pay for your absence.

Trills · 08/07/2017 21:20

There are two possibilities here

1 - they hadn't considered small babies who don't require a seat or food, and you should speak to them

2 - they had considered this, and they would prefer you to not attend, than to attend with your baby

You know your friends. Which do you think it is?

MsPassepartout · 08/07/2017 21:21

We didn't have children at our wedding. Not going into reasons right now.

But, with regard to "it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter" - it may be an issue from a numbers rather than a cost perspective.

Our venue was very small, so we had to be careful with guest numbers, and the venue made it clear that we absolutely could not go over their maximum number because we'd be breaching fire regulations if we did. And that babies and children counted towards the total numbers.

Is it possible that there's a similar issue here? Especially if they feel obliged to allow other non-family children into the evening reception if they say yes to your baby?

habibihabibi · 08/07/2017 21:21

Have you advertised for a babysitter?
I recently needed one for a few hours on short notice and had the pick of many registered nannies/childminders when I did. Have a lovely time and enjoy yourselves !

tabulahrasa · 08/07/2017 21:23

"In my mind a wedding should be a traditional family friendly affair anyway."

It is, their family children will be there...

When it's family only, that's never about not wanting children there, it's never about not wanting any children there, it's to stop it turning into a children's party due to numbers - you need a hard and fast rule or everyone thinks they should be the exception.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 08/07/2017 21:23

Really? You would cancel at 7 days notice Antiopeo?

That makes you sound very rude.

I honestly couldn't care less. I wouldn't have accepted in the first place though.

Ellieboolou27 · 08/07/2017 21:27

You knew this when you were invited?
If she's says yes to you she'll feel awkward if others question why yes to you, no to them.
You sound PFB, she's not saying where you can and can't take your baby ffs, she's saying no kids at her wedding.

Windycityblues · 08/07/2017 21:28

If you have tried to arrange childcare and can't and have explained that to the couple and they don't wish to change their wedding arrangements then YANBU to cancel attending the wedding and they are NBU in sticking to their wedding plans. It is their day and they get to choose the plans but you get to decide if it doesn't work for you. I would let the bride know that you can't attend of childcare reasons and that you wish them well. It simply isn't worth anyone being upset or angry over. During the day the bride and groom should be in a happy whirl and you can see photos later.

Allyg1185 · 08/07/2017 21:30

Her wedding her rules I'm afraid

GinIsIn · 08/07/2017 21:31

Reasons for not having babies there could be anything from fire safety regs to licensing rules to the fact that it's their wedding not yours and they probably don't want a screaming baby there. YABVU. And I say this as someone who will be leaving my 6 month old at home to attend a wedding next month because HE IS NOT INVITED.

UnicornSparkles1 · 08/07/2017 21:32

YABVU. If it's a problem, don't go.

KermitsLoveChild · 08/07/2017 21:32

When DH and I got married we had a child free wedding. This was due to funds, we were doing it on a shoestring budget and DH has 8 nieces and nephews plus there would have had to have been other children too.

We were married in Church so it was open to the public. DH's 16 year old niece turned up with her 4 month old baby who proceeded to scream throughout and no-one took him out. It was horrendous and I actually considered asking the minister to stop the service so I could tell the niece to take the baby out!!

This is why people choose child free weddings.

greendale17 · 08/07/2017 21:33

YANBU- it is a 7 month old for heavens sake! You have explained that you can't get childcare yet the bride is being a dick. If I was you I would not go- you are being inconvenienced enough already.

What gets me is when people get arsey when you tell them you can't come to the wedding because of childcare.

welshweasel · 08/07/2017 21:34

YABU. It's not your wedding. If you were invited and didn't want to go because you didn't want to leave your child behind then you should have turned down the invite. You accepted it, knowing that your child wasn't invited, so it's down to you to sort a babysitter. It wouldn't have been unreasonable to decline the invite, or if hey had originally said you could bring her but changed their minds, but they've been completely clear from the outset. Join sitters and book a babysitter for the evening, it's not that difficult.

We had family children only or our wedding for the simple reason that we were only allowed 80 guests due to fire regulations. Nothing to do with cost, we just valued h company of our adult friends more than their kids. We tend to get a babysitter for our baby when we go to weddings anyway as it's not that much fun having to try and keep a small child quiet!

bluebeck · 08/07/2017 21:34

I just wouldn't go.........