'No children except family children' weddings

[TiredMummyNov16]

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

In this case it is a bit unreasonable of them given that the child will cost them nothing, it will not be there during the ceremony, only in the evening where there will be a lot more noise than a baby, and it will not be running around under people's feet but presumably being held by a parent or asleep in a carrycot.

While I get the whole 'it's their wedding they can do what they like' thing I still find people's priorities weird. The main thing I wanted from my wedding was for my friends and family to be at it to celebrate with us. Therefore in the planning we tried to make it convenient for people, choosing somewhere where accommodation wouldn't cost a fortune, doing it at a time when most people would be free, letting people bring their kids, having a subsidised bar etc. It seems to me a lot of people have the attitude 'it's my wedding so everyone else must spend a fortune and be massively inconvenienced because it's MY big day' Why not consider your guests needs and wants a little alongside your own?

You don't demand to bring uninvited people to someone's wedding (or party, or dinner out, or whatever) no matter what their age; whether it's your kids, your spouse or a random friend- that's just manners, surely?

And you've just decided to contact the bride about this a week away from the wedding? Unless this was the most speedily planned wedding in history you must have had a couple of months at least to sort out childcare (and you must also have known about MIL plans - she has her birthday the same time every year I imagine?). No wonder bride was annoyed.

Really don't know why you'd want to bring a 7-month old to an evening party anyway, it'll be noisy, they can't get anything out of it and you won't exactly be able to let your hair down and enjoy yourself so what's the point? Either sort out childcare (as you should've ages ago, before accepting the invitation - who accepts an invitation to a wedding specified as child-free without confirming a babysitter?) or just go to the day.

Yes, YABU.

I agree bonbonours . This attitude reminds me a bit of contestants on Come Dine With Me (hardly every watch it ) that get the food, the table, the decor absolutely spot on but the night is crap because nobody is relaxed. Then someone comes on who cooks pasta, is very welcoming and funny and they have the best night.

Been to so many wedding that would have been much better without children.

They don't keep still for a minute, they have really really loud voices at least one will cry during the service and everybody will have to pretend they are not distracted by a parent taking them outside.

At the reception there will be running around madly with parent either ignoring, pleading or tottering around in high heels trying to restrain them (that's been me). All the time smiles getting fixed as the poppets get more and more excited.

I think this is the problem, it's a perfect storm for little ones to get hugely overexcited, overtired and overstimulated. Whilst being stared at by smiling adults because nobody wants to tell a kid off at a wedding. So they behave badly, not all of them I know but the ones that do take a lot of attention away from the happy couple.

Totally get child free weddings, just never been lucky enough to attend one.

I find child free weddings odd and as a general rule I will not attend them.

we accommodated children at our wedding (we hadnt had dcs yet) because I don't believe in age discrimination.

Yes Believe can you imagine the uproar if the elderly were not invited or wheelchair users or the physically handicapped? But it's ok to think babies and children are unacceptable.

We accommodated children at our wedding because I don't believe in age discrimination.

That's the best thing I've read on the Internet all day.

Yabu. You've been invited, not summoned! I think just leave after the speeches. I had kids at my wedding btw and my 1 year old dd isn't invited to a wedding very soon. I would be pissed off if I got to that wedding and actually someone else had brought their child and I wasn't allowed to.

Absolutely believe. I'm just off clubbing with 4 month old DS. Wouldn't want to spoil his weekend by age discriminating and not inviting him.... 🙄

Totally different Fenella , don't be silly.

YABU. If we'd allowed everyone to bring their children to our wedding they would have outnumbered the adults and totally changed the atmosphere.
We had to draw a line, as people do have to make arrangements and it can cause ill feeling if the 'rule' isn't applied for everyone.

We had a no children rule at our wedding, and having since had a baby (with another on the way) I would do exactly the same thing again
The reception was a really important part of our day and we wanted a party where all the adults could let their hair down. We didn't want small children running around or to be even worrying about the presence of kids. Also the venue was not child friendly but that's largely irrelevant

YABU, it's not your wedding!

"Totally different Fenella , don't be silly."

Depends on the wedding. All weddings are different. Just because you want one a certain way doesnt mean other people have to adhere to what you want. In no way is it discrimination to not want babies at an adult only event. The example of older people and disabled being excluded was the silly one.

But you can't just not go! You've accepted the invitation and the wedding is next weekend! I'd have been fine with someone turning down an invite to my wedding because they didn't want to leave their child but I'd have been fuming if they said they were coming then changed their mind a week before (so no chance of filling the spot so essentially pissing money away) for no good reason (can't be arsed to find a babysitter). It's extremely rude and entitled.

Giddy - loud music, tipsy people dancing, booze being served... yup, TOTALLY different. The OP is moaning that she can tell bring her baby to the night reception. It's pretty much a night out.

Giddyaunt generally the elderly or disabled adults receive personal invites, just like every other guest. There are many of us who care for elderly relatives, but dont assume that they can take them to wedding receptions. Maybe we should though. The isolation of the elderly is an awful thing.

Ok Fennella so what do you do with babies at Christmas or other family parties?

People keep on about the inconvenience of child free weddings! But as much as it's the couples choice who to invite, you get a choice to weather to accept or decline! Don't want to go don't but you can only get annoyed if the couple are rude when your decline! As for this all I think a wedding should be this or that it's irrelevant it is what people want it to be if you don't like that again don't go!

"Ok Fennella so what do you do with babies at Christmas or other family parties?"

Christmas ≠ Wedding

I am guessing that Giddyaunt18 approves of babies and little children being present at their own birthday parties and voices this approval in the face of the MN hordes who dont invite children to their own birthday parties........

Don't know how you celebrate Christmas Giddy, but in my house Christmas happens every year rather than once in a lifetime and the person hosting Christmas hasn't shelled out £21k for it (average U.K. Wedding cost), or explicitly said 'no children'. If I was invited for Christmas and my DS was explicitly not invited, I would say "thanks very much for the invite, but I will need to stay home with DS, I'll pop your present in the post."

Leave after the speeches. You might as well go to the main part if you have a babysitter anyway.

But you don't think babies can be present when adults are drinking, dancing and listening to music Fennella , weddings are a celebration of love and life.

My children was family children only, but when a close
Friend had no childcare I'm made an exception, I'd rather have them there than not. If they can't make that exception I wouldn't bother going to any of the wedding.

Babies and children are part of that. Your attitude is very Victorian.