'No children except family children' weddings

[TiredMummyNov16]

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

Giddy, no actually I didn't. I said that it is up to the host to decide at what they envisage as an adult occasion to have children present or not as they wish. Weddings are indeed a celebration of love. The love between the woman in the big white dress and the suit who in this case have said 'don't bring your children.' Their day, their love, their choice.

Yabu (& I had tonnes of kids at my wedding). Just come home after the speeches or get a babysitter (your choice if you choose not to use them).

I think that what's gone wrong is that weddings have, somewhere along the line, turned from family occasions to mark the joining together of two people into stage managed performances. I couldn't have imagined banning children from my wedding, I didn't give a stuff if they cried or shouted out during the ceremony and I loved seeing them in their party clothes dancing in the evening. Personally, if my children weren't invited I wouldn't go.

Oh and Giddy, I have DC. I had kids at my wedding pre-my own DC. Because that was my choice as it was my wedding. I will not be taking my DS to weddings he isn't invited to, and I wouldn't dream of trying to foist him onto a wedding where they had explicitly said no children.

loud music, tipsy people dancing, booze being served... yup, TOTALLY different. The OP is moaning that she can tell bring her baby to the night reception. It's pretty much a night out.

Your words Fennella, not usually a stickler but I like to be clear.

"In my mind a wedding should be a traditional family friendly affair anyway."

They have invited the children in their own family but you aren't family.

I expect the total numbers would have almost doubled if invitations had also included friends children as well so they have to draw a line and they are the ones holding the ruler in this case!

Yabu.

Their wedding, their choice.

Your choice is whether or not you go, not whether you take your child. I'd go to the day but then miss the evening if I couldn't or didn't want to leave the baby.

I'm just off clubbing with 4 month old DS. Wouldn't want to spoil his weekend by age discriminating and not inviting him.... 🙄

Yo were backing up this comment that it was inappropriate to take a baby clubbing by saying that an evening reception was equivalent and therefore inappropriate. Weren't you?

Are you usually this obtuse?

You somehow inferred from my saying that I wouldn't bring a baby to an evening occasion intended for adults to which DC are not invited As my having a blanket ban on babies attending Christmas or family parties which may feature drinking and dancing. I have pointed out to you several times now that context is everything and it is not appropriate to bring a baby along for a night out, particularly when in this case the bride and groom have explicitly stated it is inappropriate. So: BBQ at great-aunt Muriel's on a Saturday afternoon? Fine. Mum's 60th at a Michelin starred restaurant or brother's 30th at a cocktail bar: not fine. HTH.

Couples choice but I'd have declined invite.

And it is always, ALWAYS up to the host to decide who they wish to invite to their own party, and extremely rude to try and invite those who are explicitly not welcome.

I've been to lots of services which have been ruined by parents who can't be arsed to take their children out who inevitably find it boring anyway.
I didn't want any children bar relatives at our wedding as 1.) we didn't have the money to cover a considerable number of extra guests 2.) for me, I felt that too many children would have dominated the event 3.) the bride and groom should accept that some people can't make it on that basis.
YABU if you're pulling out with a week to go...

Not obtuse, just not following your point Fennella . Family wedding with other children attending is not a night out, imo of course.

Can I ask you why you felt children were such an inconceivence to your day? In my mind a wedding should be a traditional family friendly affair anyway.

YABU. Not your day. Do what you want on your wedding! Doesn't matter why the b and g have chosen this; they have.

Kids can interrupt the wedding service, cry and shout in the meal/speeches, run around, change the atmosphere.

YABVU

explicitly not welcome.

Sounds utterly charming, who wouldn't want to attend a wedding like that?

We are talking evening only, not during the ceremony!

IT'S NOT A FAMILY WEDDING THOUGH. It's a child free wedding. She wants to bring a baby to the night reception of a child free wedding. Oh and if you wish to be a stickler for how things are written, it's Fenella not Fennella

It's not a child free wedding.

it's family children only says OP.

You do know attending weddings isn't compulsory, don't you? You receive the invitation and if you don't wish to attend, you are perfectly at liberty to decline if you wouldn't want to attend a wedding like that, just as the host is perfectly at liberty to invite or not invite whoever they wish.

And the OP isn't family. Not her family, not her family wedding.

Pfft, go for the day
One of you goes home for the baby in the evening. Or you both do.
If she's invited family children only and you rack up with your baby all the other people who arranged childcare will be pissed off.

You are absolutely in the wrong to be fuming.

So it's not a child free wedding is it?

Oh it is, Giddy. For the OP, its most definitely a child free wedding. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE BRIDE AND GROOM HAVE EXPRESSLY STATED.

Also the OP makes no mention of family children attending the evening, merely that they will be at the wedding itself.