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Original poster

'No children except family children' weddings

215 replies

TiredMummyNov16 · 08/07/2017 20:58

Need to rant!

We are invited to a wedding next Saturday as all day guests. My daughter is 7 months old and we can't get a baby sitter - my mum lives a 2 hour drive away who already has important plans, and it's our MILs birthday so she has plans all day and evening. Our MIL has kindly changed her day time plans to accommodate this wedding and baby sit but she can't, and I wouldn't expect her to, change her evening birthday plans. I very politely explained this to the bride and asked if I can pop home after the speeches and bring our daughter to the evening reception. She sent a very arsey message back saying it's family children only - and basically saying no to our daughter coming in the evening. Am I wrong to be fuming?!?!? If there is family children there anyway, and it's not going to cost them anything for a 7 month old to be there in the evening, does it matter??!!? I appreciate she might have asked other people to not bring kids but it makes me so angry that people think their weddings should become an inconcience for everyone else. I'm now in an awkward position where we leave the wedding after the speaches and come home, which our MIL misses her daytime plans. OR say we aren't going at all now but cause a lot of drama between friends?!?

I just think it's so rude when bride / grooms have the audacity to say where someone can or can't take their small babies!

OP posts:

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GinIsIn · 08/07/2017 23:29

giddy where did I get that they want a party without lots of children? The fact they explicitly said to the OP that they didn't want her baby there, they aren't inviting lots of children was a fair indication....

deuxmoulins · 08/07/2017 23:30

Could you not go for the day, then go home for the evening part? Assuming that the evening do is more informal in terms of catering/bar numbers (and that you still want to go at all given your clearly strong feelings on their decision).

Whathaveilost · 08/07/2017 23:30

Nobody is asking the bride to change any plans!
The Op is.
Bride said no twice and op is ranting!

Bring one baby that is outside the invitation remit and you've got a can of worms with other mates with kids. Believe me, ive seen it happen in the past. And the other mates hold on to that grudge forever!!!

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scottishdiem · 08/07/2017 23:31

I think this thread has a rough split.

The people who think weddings are for the couple getting married.

The people who think that weddings are for them to bless the couple through their gracious attendance so therefore get to dictate the terms of their arrival and attendance.

(here is a hint to the people in the second group - the marriage is going to happen with or without you. The wedding celebration will happen with or without you. Get over yourselves.)

Giddyaunt18 · 08/07/2017 23:34

Why is it ok to discriminate against babies at a wedding? If you think loud music is not appropriate then what about the ceremony and meal in the day? A 7 month old would not require a meal or any drinks so it must be because they might make noise? Well if my baby started to cry I would step outside with the baby. If I had an uncontrollable cough I would step outside. Why is it acceptable to discriminate by age?

Giddyaunt18 · 08/07/2017 23:35

No it was an assumption Fennella on your part.

GinIsIn · 08/07/2017 23:39

Giddy it's an assumption on my part that the bride doesn't want lots of children there when she has told the OP TWICE that it will be family children only and they don't want other children there? Right.

singymummy · 08/07/2017 23:42

YABU

It's her wedding, you should always sort childcare before rsvping

The last venue I was at has a policy that anymore than 5 children required hiring a nanny to look after the children together

Giddyaunt18 · 08/07/2017 23:42

Only family children, there might be 100 of them for all we know.

Giddyaunt18 · 08/07/2017 23:43

Good night all.

Whathaveilost · 08/07/2017 23:46

giddy
You may leave if your baby starts crying ,Many dont.
I have been to church, school plays and even the cinema over the years where a baby has cried and mum does a loud 'hush noise and rocks the baby but doesnt leave.
Any there are loads of reasons that have been discussed without it being a discrimination issue.
Anyway its the bride and groom wedding therefore their guest list!

McTufty · 08/07/2017 23:53

giddy

Not inviting a baby is not discriminating against babies and I'm surprised you seem to be suggesting it is.

It's a silly thing to say about a totally child free wedding, but here they are having family children along. So people of all ages are welcome at that wedding if invited. OP's baby isn't invited same way plenty of adult people aren't invited, presumably because the bride and groom don't have a relationship with the baby.

You seem to be suggesting that baby should be prioritised because he/she is a baby and should be able to slip in despite not being invited. Discrimination is about treating people less favourably due to a particular characteristic. Not treating baby more favourably than uninvited adult guests (as you're suggesting B&G should) cannot possibly be discrimination.

SpareASquare · 08/07/2017 23:53

Why would you accept an invitation without arranging child care first? Really poor form OP.

Yes, you are wrong to be fuming. You are pretty much wrong across the board.

BackforGood · 09/07/2017 00:14

YABVVVU.
Yes, You are totally wrong to be fuming.

Of course you can't take your child to a party - or any 'do' she isn't invited to. You were incredibly rude to try to put the bride on the spot and very entitled to think that somehow the world should change it's plans to accommodate you.

sidesplittinglol · 09/07/2017 00:29

I don't think YABU. I was happy to have everyone's kids come to every part of our wedding. I would not have expected to only invite the parents only. Plus, I would much rather they were all there than not have any of them attend. It's not like your 7month old will be disruptive at all and it's not like your asking the bride groom to babysit!!

twattymctwatterson · 09/07/2017 00:30

Jesus the entitlement on this thread. People are allowed to specify who they want to come to their own wedding. In fact it's very rude to just expect that you can bring an uninvited person to someone else's wedding. Being FUMING that you can't bring an uninvited person to someone else's wedding is ludicrous. OP you RSVP'd without having childcare lined up and are now fuming that you can't just bring your DC along anyway (now that your place has been paid for). can you not see how wrong that is?

sidesplittinglol · 09/07/2017 00:46

It's not as if pp's DD is old enough to take a seat or will eat the food or anything. If it was an older child I could see the issue

Only1scoop · 09/07/2017 00:52

Yabu and sound entitled
Your dc is not invited

Savelli · 09/07/2017 02:32

We didn't have any children at our wedding because we didn't want the noise and disruption. It really is as simple as that.

I don't know why people take such offence when their children aren't invited to weddings, when you and your partner are invited on a night out without your children do you get this exercised about it? Accept or decline.

Newmanwannabe · 09/07/2017 02:56

I think a small baby at a wedding is fine, but you've just worked out you don't have childcare one week before the wedding and are expecting the bride to accomodate you when she is probably stressing about everything to do with the wedding already? No wonder she sent you a terse reply.

Also like a PP said if children came to her wedding she'd have 20 under five. That really changes the dynamics of what you want. Especially if you don't have children of your own

WeAllHaveWings · 09/07/2017 08:46

You have accepted a wedding invitation which you can't go to? YABVVVU.

RhubardGin · 09/07/2017 08:53

Get over yourself OP.

It's not your day and if you don't like it, don't go.

I think you're a cheeky cow texting the bride. If she lets your DD come then how will that look to the other guests who didn't get to bring their children?

I'm having a child free wedding for many different reasons. Our friends/family are looking forward to a fun night off. We gave everyone 12 weeks notice of this also.

Honestly, do you always make everything into a drama? It really isn't a big deal.

Spudlet · 09/07/2017 08:53

We had no children other than babes in arms and family dc. Because we totted up how many children our guests had between them, and it would have been 25! And our venue wouldn't hold them all.

YABU to have been so disorganised, and now you're trying to blame someone else, imo.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 09/07/2017 08:58

I think it's a bit mean of her. Its after the service and speeches, so will effect nobody.

I'd attend and leave after the speeches. You can't find childcare.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 09/07/2017 08:59

Text her back and say 'that's ok. I still can't find evening childcare so will need to leave about 7'

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