Do you say 'Shut up' to your kids?

[Spidermama]

Honestly now. Do you? In what circumstances?

I think we get the children we deserve

greeny, at least he is being honst and you can pre-warn dh before he does it

i deserve screechy kids, dear lor, what did i do?

hahaha!! Yes I say Shut up to my kids, when they have been screechy and loud to the point that my neighbour must think they live next door to a monkey house. When you have 3 kids aged 9,6,5 and they are bouncing off each other, and nothing you say or do calms them down, you put them on the steps/corner, whatever and they still won't calm down, its very trying and yes sometimes I say shut up.

In fact I told my girls to shut up tonight, when they have been shouting and screaming at each other all day, they have been fighting and pulling each others hair and then they wouldn't go to sleep and kept calling me for silly reasons, so I told them to shut up and go to sleep, its hardly going to damage them is it??

Heya, you will give your son a fantastic childhood - but you will give yourself a hernia if you try to be perfect all the time.

And your DS will wonder what's wrong if you're always perfect too when he gets bigger. It will "jar" with the rest of the world because people are naturally pretty cantankerous when they're under stress, tired, etc, etc. Where better to learn that sometimes you need to be more careful than others with what you do/say than with your parents? Obviously not to abusive levels, but I do think it's a good lesson to learn that if someone's tired, probably best not to peel their eyes open and shout "Play wiv me, Mummy!" or bang them on the head with a spoon.

(HMC, you'll ruin my reputation... ).

Aww heya - i salute your sentiments, genuinely.

I sort of know where you are coming from because my father undermined me and was malicious. But you will never be like your father - can tell that from what you post. But don't think you have to be perfect either - you will kill yourself in the process. It will be truly exhausting.

As long as your son knows and is regularly reminded (through your actions and words) that you love him, that's enough

Well, even though I think you're being unrealistic heya, it's not a bad place to start from IMO. Enjoy it. Love for a child is never excessive IMO, even if the some of the manifestations of it are rather amusing to parents further along the road

Message withdrawn

I have found that as time goes by, I have said things to my child that have reminded me of things said to me by my parents.
Some of the things have been only little digs, or phrases, to coax or reprimand, things that have just spilt out of my mouth and I have meant no harm by them, BUT they sounded horrible to me when i was little.
so I try my best not to 'hurt' my child's feelings, by noting what I've said, and not felt comfortable with.

YET, in really stressful times, when you'vehad days of illness, then or youor both, and at times when they constantly challenge you or ask why 300 times, theselittle reactions will pop out, and it is only now that i am a mumthat I understand how these things liek 'oh just shut up' end up being said.

my mother was pretty harsh at times with me, and i consider myself much softer, but when i look back i can see how one can be pushed.

and guess what!!!! when Misdee's girls come round to play the screeching gets louder, my poor neighbours

cant wait till the spring/summer, can boot the lot of them and lisad1234 dd out in th garden so 6 girls and one boy, imagine the noise!

lol the noise is deafening to say the least, its ok when they are play hide and seek, or decorating biscuits all together, but get them all together running around and screaming at each other, its enough for me and misdee to want to run away and hide....

sometimes i do sit and think about when hes older and i dont want to be perfect because i think that perfection is not really reachable i just want my son to grow up knowing that he is loved and cared for and i am certain that he will, i dont waant him to think that i am a pushover either though, but just do not want to shout at him.
who knows maybe i will loose my rag one day and shout at him to "be quite" but all im saying is that i will make every concious effort never to have to "loose my rag" with him.
i believe that the meaning of perfection in parenthood is just to allways be there for your kids, make them happy and above all to let them know how much they are loved.

well im offto bed now, the wind is blowing like mad outside!! i need sum sleep though otherwise il need a pair of matchsticks to keep my eyes open tomorrow! nite nite all

Course I do.
Sorry, but can't tell the difference between Be quiet and Shut up. It's the tone of voice that counts and both can sound venomous.

That's true quangle - and both can sound fairly innocuous too (with the right tone of voice)

Yet i Know for sure i can be there for her, make her happy, know she loves me so much she now writes me notes, and strokes my arm, and just absolutley adores me,
BUT
she can be the most wilful ( strong character) exasperating, moany ( bordering on spoilt cos I am too nice sometimes)non stop talking baggage that ever was alive, and sometimes i want a remote to switch her off.
yet, after a reprimand, which sometimes feels horrible, we always forget it and are buddies again.

Me? Innocuous? I don't think so.

My DS sees 'Shut up' as a swear word

I think it is a horrible thing to say ... But have said it a couple of times when absolutely at my limit, when he is kicking off and just won't listen. It stops him in his tracks ... he looks like this:
Then says, "Um, you said 'Shut up!' "

Message withdrawn

unfortunately yes, i always swore i never would but it always comes out when i'm stressed which seems to be just about all the time.
kids not allowed to say fart, bogey, stupid, idiot as cant stand those words. i was never allowed to say bum when i was little...

Yes quangle, exactly. A hissed and spiteful "Be quiet now!" is so much more meaningful than a cheery "Oh shut your mouth."

We aren't talking about common are we? but how about children will perceive what you say.

I hate 'shut up' too and hate myself for a while after I have said it. I don't say it very much, but enough for my 7 year old to have picked it up. Was mortified to have heard him say 'shurrup' on at least 3 occasions to younger children. I felt hypocritical telling him off for it.
The occasions I use it are when they are all bickering away, and I feel I have done lots of lovely things for them and just want a bit of peace for myself, but they just won't SHUT UP!!!!

What worries me in this thread, is that all the mothers admitting to 'shut up' moments are mothers of boys. We have 3 of them and this scares me .

I'll come back smuggly when they are teenagers and payback time for the girls' mothers.

I noticed the boy thing too, but I know I would get pounced on but all the mothers of lively and chattery girls.