Do you say 'Shut up' to your kids?

[Spidermama]

Honestly now. Do you? In what circumstances?

I'm sorry but I don't believe mumsnet sometimes. I practically wet myself with mirth at some of the posts.

'Perspective' - yes that's it!

to my chagrin, I swear like a trooper but sotto voce so the kids are accustomed to FJC, but if they hear me say Shut Up or Idiot then it's Serious Trouble and they also know there will be recanting and gnashing of teeth from me later. How fucked up is that?

i would never say anything horrible that could upset my son.
i grew up with some unimaginable verbal from my dad ranging from a mild shut the f*k up thru 2 him calling me a fat ugly slg.
so my answer is no i would NEVER tell my son to shut up, besides, its just pure rudeness anyway, you wouldnt tell a friend, collegue ect to shut up so why would you say it to your own child???????

I understand how you feel heya123 but you should be prepared for the possiblity that you might lose your temper at some point and be a bit rude to him - otherwise you will fell terrible when it happens. You're only human!

zip it

Agree heya123 that "shut the fuck up" and "fat ugly slag" are very damaging. But "shut up" once in a while to your children - when they are making an unholy racket and what is more they know that they are being unreasonable and are wilfully goading you - is not in the same league.

SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

most of the times its 'quieten down now please girls' but occasioanlyl its 'shut up now' mainly when they have pushed all the buttons and are going loopy and aside from tossing them out in the garden in the pouring rain they wont calm it. they get past the point of sanity and just go loopy and screechy. its hard to explain.

When they are like that misdee, shut up is fairly mild I think...

i do not allow idiot or stupid

do not say shut up - use shush!

I know i will have used it - well probably - i have deffo said shut-it but onlt on occassion

my bigs are years 10 and 7 so i think i do pretty good

i also put my hands over my ears and count to ten first. urgh 3 girls, its madness. dd2 has super high pitch mode as well.

and that is without e numbers and additives.

to an extent i agree that once in a while you have to let them know whos boss, but i believe that it never needs to be done with any form of verbal abuse or violence i just think as long as they respect you a raised voice telling them that they need to quiten down now or take you will take away their privveliges eg.. going to the park, their toys, or their videos ect should do it.
i would have much rather had that then what i had when i was a kid but then thats my opinion drawn from my personal experiences and other people may feel differently to me but i just dont understand why people would shout and swear at their own precious children!???

It is an impetinent question heya - but how old are your children?

i dont swear at them!

belive me, saying 'no tv for a week/ no park' etc will NOT cut it whern you have 3 screechy girls bouncing off each other and getting louder.

ooo they were in trouble at 6,30am last week ,when dd3 (yes the 2 year old) escaped from her cot, woke the other 2 and tried to sweep them up with the broom. it was bedlam. had to get them all back into bed whilst trying to calm them all down.

why why did i get 3 girls? [sobs]

Notanotter - how is 'shush' any different to shut up? It's the same sentiment dressed up in semantics - surely? I am not wanting to pick a fight so apologise if this is badly expressed, but genuinely (i.e in the spirit of dicussion) I am asking?

Three boys wouldn't be quieter, Misdee

Heya, I think when your DS is older, you'll feel differently. It's easy to be perfect all the time with one under-one - I was

Awww Misdee! (((wait till they are 10,12,14 !!!)))

Ah! I see....

no no NaO, please dont. i am trying to squeeze in an extra bathroom in preperation for the teenage years. or a sink out in the garden lol!

i just think its softer sounding - less aggressive

certainly i would not mind if one of my big children said shush to my toddler or baby but if they said 'shut up' i would be horrified

Because they are bloody infuriating, heya, an we are just plain old flesh-and-bone human beings

I love my boys more than life itself, I really do. I wouldn't harm a hair on their heads and they are not scared of me. But they do make me madder than a wasp in a jam jar sometimes, and I have allowed the odd "shut up!" to pass my lips.

I think your father could have been swearing at you in Swahili and it would still have cut you to ribbons. It's the feelings being transmitted through the words that hurt. I could say "shut the fuck up" to ds1 (not that I ever would!)and he would probably giggle and say "Mummy, said a naughty word". Because he knows I love him and he has no reason to doubt that or to fear me.

I had a similar background to what you describe, so I really sympathise with your feelings here. I have a horror of screaming and shouting at children for much the same reasons, and I am determined not to do it to them - but I have done a couple of times, because I'm not a machine and it's not a toothpaste advert or a parenting course, it's a real, human relationship with lumps and bumps and the odd bad day.

HMC, the answer is that "shut up" is so blunt and direct and bare.

Fab Greensleeves you put it so well!