how long would you let a 2.5yo cry?

[babybrainache]

Dd1 has been crying / whining for last hour because I told her she couldn't watch Peppa pig after ignoring me when I asked her to do something. I've told her she can watch it if she says sorry but she simply refuses and carries on crying. When do I crack and put on the tv?

I wouldn't let her watch at all; you said no because she didn't do as she was asked.

DD is 2.6 and does similar. I would create some distractions and invitations to play/help - play dough, cooking, water or sand - something more interesting than the TV. Or take her out of the house - out of sight, out of mind

You don't crack! If you do you've just taught her that crying until you get what you want works! Agree with above, offer her something fun to do but keep firm that she can't watch the TV and why

Distraction works for us too. I'm as stubborn as DD is so we'd have constant stand offs if I didn't distract with other things.

I know that's what I should do, it's just difficult to tolerate the crying. Especially if it wakes 5wo dd2. Possibly why I have a short fuse today.....

Aaaargh, you've fallen into the trap of threatening something That makes things worse for you

I will tell you what I'd do, though it will shame me publicly.

I would quite with trying to make her say sorry, try to lighten the atmosphere a bit and be friends again, have a cuddle and let her watch.

Baby sleeps, she's happy, you get peace.

I am a slovenly parent though.

I agree with RBP, I would let it go and chalk it up to experience.
I often back track on punishments if I was too hasty and it causes me too much hassle!

Never! You should never surrender! .- That's what I think.

"Please stop making that noise", "NO!" "Stop", "Mummy said no", "Pleeease stop making that noise", "Fine you can have 2 minutes"- that's what I do. I am shit at this.

Oh and with us it's Bing fucking Bunny.

My record is 3 hours of whining. I did not crack. I took out a book and read it with a cup of tea. Well I didn't 'read', I silently cursed. And did some chores. Every so often calmly offering a biscuit or water. Which if interpreted as a sign of weakness and was followed by 'I want to....waah', I resumed my 'reading'. After the first 3 hour episode I have had to do this a couple of times for 30 mins or less. Now DS (3) knows that Mummy's will is far greater than his so whenever I get that steely look and pick up a book he quickly backtracks and asks for a cuddle. Sometimes later in the day I will offer the same when he has been good as a treat and this results in much delight.

I have just the one though which makes a massive difference to my determination. Also I am VERY stubborn. As is DS. I wonder who he got that from...? Hmm.

Go outside for a while, that will make everyone forget

Never give in though, or you'll make a rod for your own back.

Don't put peppa on. Distract, sure, but don't go back on that one.

I would skip all nention of sorry, though. That's making it into a batlle when at this point she wont even remember what she's done to be sorry for, let alone what it means.

In future though avoid this as a threat and try to engage more directly if she ignores - it's really difficult for a 2 year old to understand "ok, you did x, now you can't have y." Too unrelated.

I would also abandon the attempt to get a sorry out of her. In my house (fiefdom), if 'Mummy says no, it's a no.' And if you argue, shout, cry then I will ignore you. If you are good and ask why in a nice voice (rarer than rare). I may offer you a chance later, so you can have Peppa on for 10 mins before dinner I am very anti-negotiating and explaining especially in the middle of tantrums. Sometimes a no is a no. The explanation can come later.

This sounds really strange to me as a parent of three,

in the beginning with ds1 I may have got into a battle about something like this, but now with my current 2yo I understand what to do.

First off, how many 2.5 year olds understand the concept of sorry? Mine is 2.2 and doesn't have a clue. He just has needs and wants.

Secondly letting them cry for an hour is really unproductive. You are probably really stressed and have little energy to spare, but distraction works like a dream. You just have to offer a chocolate button, or wave something they'll be interested in under their nose and the problem is forgotten especially if they are actually just hungry or something.

Honestly making it into a stand off isn't doing you, or her, any favours. All these odd posts about not giving in are bizarre - it's one sided if that's what you're doing. She won't be thinking, 'aha! I can outwit/outlast mummy if I cry for long enough'. She is just fed up.

Why do people always think little kids are trying to manipulate them? They have feelings they don't understand or know how to handle so we have a duty to manage them for them. In the kindest way we can. I know it is tough with no energy but tbh it isn't going to go away if you assume she's capable of and/or attempting psychological warfare. She simply isn't.

Also your initial punishment concept is going to fail with a child that small. Ask her to do something, she doesn't because a) she doesn't understand, b) she just doesn't want to. That's it - end of.

Saying no peppa because she didn't do it is pointless. You should ignore it - she's tiny and too little to understand. Just let her watch peppa and she'll stop crying and you'll be relieved.

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh but honestly punishing little children like this does nothing. It will NOT affect her later behaviour. She will instantly forget just like you would have if you'd just let her watch it

Yes BertieBotts Is right. It's like arguing with a cat, dcs don't have the mentality at 2 and half to remember or understand a threat. Some of course might do but most don't.Who's the adult here?

Bah I thought you were leaving her proper full on howling a line in the dark from 7pm til she collapsed exhausted in a pool of screaming induced sweat and vomit at midnight, frfrom our thread title.

You can let her whinge about not getting her way - but she is very likely to have forgotten what you are fighting about after 20 mins and only remember she wants to watch pp and you won't let her and above all that she is whinging so needs to keep doing it

With under 3s you have to use distraction or you're on a hiding to nothing. Distract her for 20 mins with play doh or going into the garden (if feasible logistically while the baby sleeps) or anything really, then let her watch pp after that.

patterofaminion

This Why do people always think little kids are trying to manipulate them YYYYYYY

I wonder this as well.

You're right MrTumbles. Sometimes ds will be having a good old cry about something and he'll go "WHHAHHHA WAHHHH, oooh ducks- quack quack....... WWHHHAA" and I know he has no clue what he actually started crying about.

She might be feeling ill or something. 2 yr. olds forget that they can talk and moan or cry because that's what they have do to get their parents' attention.

The thing about not giving in to them is relevant. It's not saying that they are manipulative and planning all sorts of adult schemes to get their own wicked way! Rather it is acknowledging if they learn they can cry to get their own way then it's hard to reverse that habit. It's better they learn that making a big fuss doesn't mean the parent changes the rules. I believe it's an important lesson for a young child to learn, and the sooner the better! I'm sure we've all seen kid screaming for chocolate bars at the checkout, and parents buckling in just keep them quiet. The more they do that, the more they are creating a problem that will be hard to reverse in the future. Better to start as you mean to go on.

2.5 years old is also not too young to learn the concept of saying sorry. I think in this instance it's not necessarily required, but I do think that it's not too early to begin teaching them what no means and what sorry means. When my DC aged 20 months hits my DC aged five years, I tell him to say sorry. He responds by stroking the face gently and reaching in for a hug. In his own little way he understands exactly what it means.

Sorry that's just not true IMO NYE2015 I've CM/nannied and taught a lot of dcs. They always respond to kindness IME and respect and love you for it.

I have 3 dcs of my own who have never been regarded harshly in that light and they are all lovely adults .

never give in! my DS once cried for four hours at bedtime. literally cried himself to sleep

as for children saying sorry my 15 month old DD says sorry (if she hits or bites she is told firmly to say sorry, she will then give either a kiss or a hug)