how long would you let a 2.5yo cry?

[babybrainache]

Dd1 has been crying / whining for last hour because I told her she couldn't watch Peppa pig after ignoring me when I asked her to do something. I've told her she can watch it if she says sorry but she simply refuses and carries on crying. When do I crack and put on the tv?

I'm not saying they can't be helped to say sorry to an older or younger sibling and shown how to do it. That's just how it should be, but to make a fuss about TV programme is unnecessary.

I made a vow when I had my dcs that the word NO would not be the first one they used .

I do totally agree with Patter, but I also think that once you've said "You can't do X" you should stick to that, even if it's really annoying. Mainly because I'm crap at remembering stuff so I try to stick to what I've said as far as possible as otherwise it's confusing. I do give myself loopholes. "You can't watch peppa" might be "But you can watch Bing!"

Ugh, sorry, but I think grinning at the idea of a child crying for FOUR hours is horrible.

I did the face because although at the time it was stressful and heartbreaking, I couldn't do much about it as it was bedtime and he had to sleep. Looking back now, four years down the line I can laugh about how bloody stubborn he was. he obviously gets it from his mother

So fattymcfat If your ds had woken with a rash would you have felt that you hadn't just picked him up and comforted him? You wouldn't know if he was crying because he felt ill.

he was crying because he didn't want to go to bed. simple as that. he told me exactly that. he wasnt ill, he had no rash, he hadn't woken and started crying, he started crying when I put him to bed.

Yeah children are not allowed feelings; dd1 hated going to bed as well like her dad so I held her hand when she'd had a story. That makes me weak doesn't it?

The fact she may be frightened of the dark or being on her own, isn't important of course.

Don't do it!

I've just had this with DS 2.11

He wanted me to build his LEGO car I said once he ate his lunch after 1 minutes of LEGOOOOO, I've finished my lunch! he sat down and ate it, I'd finished my lunch by then he ate it all. So he understood what he needed to do

he had had stories already. I never said you were weak at all. it is you attacking me accusing me of not knowing how to deal with my child. he was crying and shouting telling me he didn't want to go to bed.
well guess what, at nearly 3 you have to go to bed at a reasonable hour!

Well in my book bedtime is not a huge issue, (dd1 used to go to sleep downstairs sometimes, like her dad, I couldn't be bothered with a big fuss) we all parent in different ways.

yes we do. and I never once shunned your way of doing things. that is for you to decide what is best. as it is for me to decide what is best for my children. for the record he is now a very well behaved, well mannered little boy who goes to bed at bedtime every day without so much as a comment from him. so obviously my terrible parenting hasnt done any long term damage

I agree with fattyactually I do think if you say no its best they know from the off what that means. If whinging gets you to give in at 2 personally I think it's unfair to then suddenly change the goal posts when they're older and expect them to know that actually no does mean no and whinging about it isn't acceptable, it seems to be setting them up to fail. On the other side, don't make sanctions you know you can't/don't want to carry through. And have others have said, distract! 'no we can't watch peppa now because you didn't listen to mummy, come and see this!' it's perfectly possible to be consistent, even stern, and kind.

Ppeatfruit, of course thats just one of many opinions, you think it's unkindness to set boundaries, I think it's a necessary evil.

However, the op doesn't say how old her dd is. My personal view of the opening op is that a preschool child shouldn't be punished for ignoring a parent because they haven't learned how to pay attention yet. It seems a bit like punishing a learner driver for not being able to do a 3 point turn on the first lesson iyswim.

However, because she HAS made that rule today, she needs to see it through to be consistent. The distraction of outdoors is a powerful tool and would likely make both parties feel better.

From now on though, I wouldn't punish a preschooler ignoring a parent, but would get closer and have eye contact if they were distracted/absorbed in something else, or maybe even remove the distraction until the line of communication has opened. Ben ten I think it's important to be picky about how often you do this, or you're in danger of overload the tiny mind.

I made sure to pick my battles carefully; if I ever did say no it was for a very good reason. I hate to hear little dcs saying no all the time because you know where they get it from.

Do not crack and put the TV on (although by this time you've probably moved on to other things!) .... if you make a threat then carry it through otherwise they'll never believe you. My children (now adults) will tell you that I always keep my word (good, bad and mostly fair!) Consistency ...

my children don't say no all the time. they have more respect than to tell a grown up they won't do something, or am I missing the point?

I set boundaries, it doesn't make me harsh or unkind. it means that my children learn from an early age that there are rules in society that you must abide by, otherwise there are consequences.

we still have fun and enjoy spending time together and they are allowed to be children, but children do not dictate the rules.

I certainly did NOT say that I set no boundaries NYE I just made sure they were the ones which IMO were important. Going to bed (you can sleep on a sofa just as well) if you're 3 and under when you don't have to get up isn't important IMO.

The op said her dc was under 2 and half IIRC.

I just like my children to know that I'm listening to them and to accept and respect their individuality. The rules are made to be broken. To expect unquestioning obedience is how children are exploited or abused by some horrible adults IMO.

Pulling a face at your child crying for four hours is pretty disgusting whichever way you look at it.

With fattymacfatfat's control issues "parenting style" perhaps a dog would have been a more appropriate choice?

I threaten another punishment for whining about the initial punishment. Works.

control issues! wow. I don't expect obedience all the time. I expect them to learn that actions have consequences. if that means I have control issues then fair enough

for the record I have a dog aswell!

Ppeatfruit: you did say "sorry that's not true nye2015" when I wrote about sticking to boundaries.

What did you mean instead?

"The rules are made to be broken." Not my rules. If I make a rule, I made it for a good reason and I expect it to be followed. Now, some of what I say are more guidelines... they have considerable wiggle room there! But minimal rules for a 2 year old anyway. That's very young.

never give in! my DS once cried for four hours at bedtime. literally cried himself to sleep grin

That's one of the most horrible things I've read on here in a long time

It isn't about stubbornness. You are attributing adult emotions and behaviours to tiny children. They don't work the same way as adults and they are not doing what you tell yourself they are doing, in order to try and make yourself feel better about ignoring their crying for four bloody hours.

I really wonder how people's minds work sometimes.

what she said ^
Jesus! this has been fun. all because I expect my children to go to sleep at night and I can laugh about an incident which happened four years ago!

x post there. thats meant to be referring to base

yes he was being stubborn. children can be stubborn. I ignored his crying and whining that he didn't want to go to bed because it was bedtime and I expect my children to go to bed at bedtime. it is literally that simple