how long would you let a 2.5yo cry?

[babybrainache]

Dd1 has been crying / whining for last hour because I told her she couldn't watch Peppa pig after ignoring me when I asked her to do something. I've told her she can watch it if she says sorry but she simply refuses and carries on crying. When do I crack and put on the tv?

No child cries for four hours solidly just for wanting to play. I do not believe that for one second.

the crying at bedtime for nothing apart from wanting to play was a one off. he would usually go to sleep happily. never said he slept through.

everyone has their own view on this. I have mine. it worked for me. I am not saying that this would work for every parent/child, just as no one can guarantee that by sitting with him it would have stopped the tantrum.

my friends DD has very low self esteem and social/ emotional difficulties - which I beleive have been caused by the fact she's never had to learn disappointment or taking responsibility for her actions.

Sorry but that doesn't sound terribly scientific. And being placated with presents to try and solve emotional upset has a long history of failure.

psip you don't have to believe it. I know thats what was up.as he told me and I know my child, just as you know yours.

But what you can do at bedtime is give them a cuddle, maybe help them wind down by talking quietly about their day, and wait till they're ready for you to leave. DD is just 3 and tells me to go away at bedtime when she's ready to sleep. We got there by me being there as long as she needs me to be, not through her ever being left to cry on her own. No-one's saying you need to get them up and let them watch videos or go on the trampoline. It's possible to enforce your boundaries as an adult without leaving them to cry.

he had already had cuddles and stories.

it is fantastic that sitting with your DD works for you but I dont even sit with my 15 month old. she quite happily goes to sleep on her own, and even getting up.in the night I lie her back down with a kiss and tuck her in just as I did with DS and leave her. the only difference is she gets offered a bottle of water as she is much younger than DS was and she doesn't want to play.

Do you really believe that something a 2.5yo (or however old he was - you don't specify) says is accurate?

Mine is 2 and a quarter, almost - if I ask what hurts he says 'hurts' to every single part of his body I point to or mention.

He will cry about the most random things (want bikkit, etc) when actually he is in pain or is overtired or somesuch inarticulable problem.

He cannot describe what is wrong; he just knows something is. So a toddler saying he wants to play is very unlikely to be the real reason he is crying for four hours.

he was a couple of months from being 3. he is very advanced as far as language, speech and understanding goes. he was reading at age 3 and 7 months. so yes he was able to tell me what was up. my DD is not as advanced speech wise but if she kicked off at that age and I had exhausted all other avenues I would leave her to cry. I don't see the need to mollicoddle them.

I hate that word. It seems to describe an entire culture of parenting that seeks to accredit children with adult emotions and motives.

I do not mollycoddle my children. I simply try to respond to them in an appropriate way. Sometimes I fail but I don't attribute the ability to tell me what they are feeling and why, to a toddler, however good their vocabulary. It's very shortsighted to do so.

Doctors don't rely on a child telling them where it hurts - even a very vocally advance 5yo.

well he was able to. as previously mentioned. I know my children. and what works for me and them may not work for others.

I never said you mollicoddle them I have actually said repeatedly that if something works for you then great. It's fantastic that you have found a parenting style which works for your family.

I have found one that works for my family. it really is that simple as I keep saying. I don't know why everyone has to go on and on. you are speaking about abuse and what has happened here is this thread has descended into bullying which is in itself a form of abuse...

My son is 2.9. If he said he didn't want to go to bed and cried and said he wanted to play I'd say no, it's time for bed and try to get him to sleep. After 30 mins of putting him back and trying to resettle him if he was still crying I'd probably take his temperature and see if everything else was okay clothing wise, nappy or toilet etc. If he was still upset I'd bring him downstairs with me or cuddle in bed. If he still wouldn't settle I'd presume there was something else wrong going on and either let him tire himself out downstairs with me or I'd sit upstairs in the dark with him trying to comfort him.

I don't normally trust everything my 2.9 year old says. If he says he is not tired and wants to play and then sobs for 4 hours I'd assume something else was going on he wasn't able to explain properly.

I wouldn't leave my husband to cry for 4 hours. I doubt many people would. I'm not sure why people think leaving a child is any more acceptable than leaving an adult to cry themselves to sleep.

there was nothing wrong with him. do you really think I didn't check?

I have said repeatedly that it is all well and good that people have ways of doing things that work for them and have respected that. I have my ways which work for me. People should respect that. diversity is key in society and we should be tolerant of others. not judgemental.

I'm sorry if you perceive it as bullying. I'm simply trying to challenge your repeated assertion that it's Ok to let children cry it out.

I never said you mollicoddle them yet you implied strongly that attending to their needs in the way I suggest is appropriate, is the same thing.

and have you not realised by now that just because you have said that it's not ok doesn't make it true? (just.to throw that back your way, as you keep trying to tell.me this)
have you honestly not realised that I am not the one being disrespectful or attacking other posters.
do you really believe that everyone should conform to the same parenting style?

No. I do think it is worth debate though when something occurs which many find upsetting, while others seek to defend it.

On your side you have: he never cried at bedtime again, he isn't scarred by the experience (apparently), you are a loving parent, and you have achieved nice, non spoiled children.

On my side I have: the experience upset you both, and wasn't necessary; there are other ways to achieve the same result without anyone crying for prolonged periods; I am also a loving parent (mostly) and have achieved nice, non spoiled, children.

I think we probably both have better things to do than argue about this all day though.

exactly. which is what I keep trying to get across to people. just because I do things differently doesn't make me an awful human being.
it makes me human that I do things differently and have a different point of view. so why do I have to go over and over the same things? because people are attacking me and insulting me. it is not debate on a parenting strategy, it is "I don't do that so you are a shit mother and don't deserve your children"
a debate would not be bullying someone who doesn't conform.

I have not insulted others or called them bad parents. I am open to other peoples veiws and am hapoy for them if they find something which works for them. but just because it works for you doesn't mean it will work for me.

For what it's worth, I did not say that you are a shit mother or that you do not deserve your children. Nor do I think that is the case.

I know you never personally. that is just a view others on here hold. just as i don't believe you mollicoddle your children. you have found a way of dealing with their behaviour which you are comfortable with, im pretty sure that you wouldn't allow them to be absolute little shits as you sound like a decent person.
I just wish people would realise that it is ok for me to do things that they don't like.
it doesn't mean I am going to hurt my children.

No and I am sure you would not intentionally. Neither does being very young necessarily preclude being a great parent.

It is always good if we examine our own beliefs though from time to time.

of course it is and if I believed I could have done differently I would have but I did what I felt was best at the time and do not regret it now.

Just saying there are options between leaving them to cry and letting them get/do whatever they want. (And peppa pig is most definitely a want not a need!)
Personally I could not leave another human being crying for an hour without going to comfort them, let alone 4. Just couldn't do it. So it's not something I've had to think too hard about. Whether it's "okay" for your children or has better or worse long term consequences I don't think we really know - it's not something that can easily be researched. There's some research about cortisol levels that would make me uncomfortable about it.

of course. and I am just saying that my personal choices have not made me a bad mother.

So pleased the tide turned on this thread. It was depressing reading fatty and happy agreeing that leaving a 2 year old cry for four hours (fatty) and leaving a 3 year old child outside for four hours as punishment (happy).

All but a couple of posters have quite clearly disagreed and many expressed horror at the approach. Leaving a child to cry for a short while to help them settle...I have no problem with that. Four long hours ago hough is a totally different scenario. I will leave it now.

enjoying the tide which you are talking about has stayed consistently the same.
I never said I left him as punishment. I left him as it was bedtime!

that is all.