how long would you let a 2.5yo cry?

[babybrainache]

Dd1 has been crying / whining for last hour because I told her she couldn't watch Peppa pig after ignoring me when I asked her to do something. I've told her she can watch it if she says sorry but she simply refuses and carries on crying. When do I crack and put on the tv?

Right so if you didn't want to do something and were crying about it, would you want to be left to do it anyway and completely ignored or would you expect someone to notice and offer you sympathy or comfort?

if it was something that I was supposed to do, no matter how upset I was I would have to do it.
children are supposed to go to sleep at bedtime. he was upset yes, it's not like I left him completely. I would pop in from time to time to tuck him back into his bed and tell him it was bedtime. I dont know why everyone thinks I completely blanked him out. as I said earlier. it was heartbreaking at the time hearing him so upset but he had to learn that there are rules. this happened four years ago. I can laugh about it now. nothing wrong with that. I obviously wasn't laughing at the time I don't know why everyone thinks I was as I never said that.

it was heartbreaking at the time hearing him so upset but he had to learn that there are rules.

Why? And why in that manner? I've never treated any of mine in this way and they all realise that people should sleep at night. It's unnecessary to ignore them when they are little and crying.

Also, I don't assume you were laughing at the time but you're sure laughing about it now, and I don't see much difference...it isn't funny? It's just sad. And a clue about the heartbreaking thing - if something feels heartbreaking and you don't have to do it to your children, it might be a good idea not to because it's just pointless pain for all involved.

because society has rules. I didn't want to be a parent who was still upstairs at night holding hands to comfort my 8 yo (yes I have known this to happen) until they fall asleep. that is my perogative.
I think bedtime is an important part of a childs routine and that having that structure in place early helps the child in the long run. of course other people have an alternative point of view and way of doing things. that doesn't make mine wrong. I have not said anyone else is wrong for doing things their way yet I am being judged and insulted because I dare have a different way of doing things and expect my children to sleep.

and it is not pointless pain. as far as I am concerned it is bedtime. there is no pain involved and it certainly hasn't scarred him for life, he doesn't even remember it.

Does it not occur to you that people might object to your stance on this as it appears to involve a child crying while alternative methods of doing bedtime, erm, don't?

But you aren't your child, you can't be inside their heads you don't know if they are frightened of being alone or of the dark or whatever. That's why we're questioning you.

Maybe your parents did that to you and you think that's how all dcs should be bought up, it's .

jesus bloody christ! can you people please read my posts properly? I did not completely ignore him. I would pop in and out tucking him in.
he wasnt afraid of being alone, he never was before that and never has since.
as for afraid of the dark he didn't sleep in pitch black. the landing light was always on with his bedroom door opened.

why should I sit with him constantly? why should I give him what he wants all the time? that's just teaching children that if they cry enough they get their own way. I wont raise my children that way. simple. I refuse to raise spoilt brats. nothing wrong with that.

and it happened once. this was not a regular occurrence. if it was I may have re thought my strategy. it wasn't. and I have never had a problem with bedtime since.

why should I sit with him constantly? why should I give him what he wants all the time? that's just teaching children that if they cry enough they get their own way. I wont raise my children that way. simple. I refuse to raise spoilt brats. nothing wrong with that.

God that's really sad. My children get their needs attended to most of the time, I hope, and they certainly aren't spoilt brats though I am sure yours aren't either. I'll wager it isn't anything to do with your letting him cry for four hours though.

I don't think your mind is receptive to any ideas other than those you deeply hold so it's pointless having this argument really. Where do you draw the line though, about not giving them what they want/need?

Do they get new shoes if the old ones are hurting? Yes? Well be careful they don't learn that they can get new shoes by crying.

Feed them when they're hungry? Or does that make them spoiled?

of course im receptive to other ideas. I haven't once said you are wrong for how you deal with bedtime. it is others saying I am wrong for letting my child cry for one night and not sitting with him. sitting with him would not have solved the fact that he didn't want to be in bed and I was not going to allow him to play at bedtime because as I said to me bedtime is an important part of a childs routine and structure.

the new shoes/ feeding examples that you gave are irrelevant as he needs those. he did not need to be up and playing after I had put him to bed. he did not need me with him (if he did he would have calmed whenever I did go in to him, he never did.)

fattycffatfat I sympathise with you because you seem to be getting blasted by something that's entirely your prerogative as a parent.

ignoring your kid when they're having a tantrum is not abuse. it's not a big deal. some 2.5/3 year olds are stroppy little buggers. they get over it. my three year old nephew had the most enormous screaming fit the other day because there was no more cake. we let him scream his head off, left him to it, then he got over it and started playing with his trains. big deal!!!!

thank you pinning this is what I was trying to get across. the only difference being it was his bedtime so distraction was not an option! I think some people are just spoiling for a fight today.

My DD is 2.5 and has recently become an absolute nightmare. Sometimes she is an absolute devil. The tantrums are horrendous if she doesn't get what she wants as soon as she wants it then the tantrum she delivers is unreal. I mean seriously I've never known anything like it and I've always been quite strict and firm so now if she's naughty and I warn her no Peppa or no Sophia is she carries on then she gets one more chance then the TVS gone for the day I no this is harsh but she has become such a nightmare lately, she'll do something wrong I tell her no she says sorry Mom while she's carrying on doing it

anothermanic your DD sounds like my little sister who drove my poor mother mad from 18 months to about four - she was soooo stroppy and had an absolute will of iron. my mum tried literally everything. eventually she just grew out of it (mind you, she's still strong willed now).

Seriously though, re: leaving a kid to cry for a bit - way to completely over-think parenting! there's a most enormous difference between leaving a toddler to have a tantrum for an hour til they get over it, and deliberately ignoring and neglecting a hungry/ill/hurt child. as someone who works with children who are victims of the most horrendous abuse, it does annoy me that parents slate other parents like this. in nine out of ten cases if you care enough to come on mumsnet and ask for advice, you are not a bad parent. we should give each other a break!

I'm sorry but my eldest is 31 months and does whine and 'fake cry' to try and get what she wants. Usually a biscuit instead of her lunch, or say to watch her beloved CBeebies. I say something like you can have it after x y or z and 9 times out of 10 she's forgets all about it. If it something I don't want her to have or do I say no and then give a reason. Honestly If you stick with it, the whining and crying soon stops. If you just say no all the time they do seem to get wound up into a state. It's so hard sometimes to be mentally alert enough to head off these moments!

another I feel for you. my friend currently has the same problem with her 2 yo DD.
I think it frustrates her more that her DD listens to me, I have to remind her that I have done courses and worked in nurseries so have a bit of an advantage when it comes to dealing with stroppy toddlers. and it helps that children are often unsure how to react to someone that isn't family so more often than not they listen out of shock.
im sure she will grow out of it but it must be so frustrating for you

I've got a 2.5 year old too. Some days she really tries my patience and I think I could definitely be more consistent. DC#1 is always a bit of an experiment IMO!

One thing working well for us at the moment is 'do you want to watch Peppa?' 'Well then, let's put your blocks away.' Then we aren't stuck in a battle of wills and I haven't risked an ultimatum.

My DD can easily tantrum for 3 hours. I got to a point of taking all toys out of her room and when she's naughty she goes on time out in there but she decides to kicks and scream and head but the door or stair gate. If she doesn't want her dinner she throws it in the floor. If we go shopping she tries to throw herself out of the trolly because she wants X,Y or Z often things that aren't in the shop.

When she's good she's really good which doesn't seem to be often when she's bad it's horrendous

Sorry that had nothing to do with the thread

oh dear. have you got or could you invest in a travel cot? I know it sounds silly but at least the sides are fabric so if she was to tantrum in there at least she would be safe.

I've tried that fatty but she just climbs out she's like a little monkey nothing is impossible. She managed to climb over the extra high stair gates once, I panicked shouted really loud at her and she hasn't done that since but will still try

it sounds like you are doing everything you can. it must be very frustrating and worrying for you. Hopefully she will grow out of it in a couple of months. could you speak to your hv? she may have some advice and will be much more qualified as she has met your DD

fatty I am glad to see that no more posters are giving you little sad faces for letting your child tantrum it out. I found that sticking consistently to the rules and riding out the tantrums without giving in worked brilliantly for us. If you have no intention of sticking to your rules, don't set them.

One of the rules for a while was 'you will not have a tantrum'. You can take yourself into another room and sulk until you are ready to come out and be civil, but screaming and kicking and shouting will result in lost ipad or tv time, etc. Clearly that is not a rule for a 2 yo though! At that age we would just make safe and ignore until it blew over, then deal with whatever the issue was when they regained some control.

thank you. my DS is now six. the rules are its fine to be sad or angry but if hes going to throw a tantrum he can go to his room until he is calm and ready to listen to reason. or if he does want to throw a strop in front of me so be it but then he loses console privileges.
it.works for me. and obviously for other people to. as I said I think some people were just after a fight and decided to get all.high and mighty over nothing