how long would you let a 2.5yo cry?

[babybrainache]

Dd1 has been crying / whining for last hour because I told her she couldn't watch Peppa pig after ignoring me when I asked her to do something. I've told her she can watch it if she says sorry but she simply refuses and carries on crying. When do I crack and put on the tv?

We are creating a generation of entitled narcissists with this attitude, frankly.

Forgive me, I am playing the ball, not the player, but frankly that's cobblers.

Work with children. Not cobblers I'm afraid.

Sample quotes:

'My mummy says everything I do is special'

'I'd prefer that my child isn't placed in a group with children from troubled backgrounds'

'You can't tell me what to do because no one has that right'

I work with many wonderful children too of course but I'm afraid this kind of thing is now much more prevalent than it once was.

Pinning... Do you Have Children? Four hours of hearing either my two year old or four year old cry. Never. Ever. Ever. Going to happen.

What on earth are you going on about with this load of bollocks * We are creating a generation of entitled narcissists with this attitude, frankly*.

Yes, I have a three year old DS. Had a screaming fit the other day due to fact his cousin ate one of his grapes. Let him do it, one hour later he was happily drawing pictures and giving me cuddles.

Ah, you work with children.

Well I have children, and I can tell you that by not allowing you child to cry for four hours does not mean that you raise a self entitled narcissist.

In your example. ...

One hour
You were presumably with him the entire time
It Was Light.

Compared with
Four hours
Alone for the majority
Darkness

I'm just saying I think it's not very nice to come on here and call someone a shitty parent when (as long as not abusive) it is their prerogative to choose how they deal with their child's behaviour.

If all other avenues had been explored, I do not think it is unreasonable to leave a crying child for four hours, no. This is a child having a tantrum remember. This is not a child in acute pain.

And actually no, I was not with him the entire time, he was screaming his head off so we moved into the other room until he was ready to calm down.

So abusive is the benchmark? For you perhaps. Not for many on this site. Thank goodness.

No, I don't think the poster was abusive per se. I do think it was quite cruel and excessive. Four hours, that is an astonishing amount of time and tears. Even if it was a tantrum , I couldn't have my child suffer for that length of time. In darkness, when so very young, and had probably got himself in a complete and utter tizz and just needed a change of scenery, a cuddle, a drink and half hour cuddling and reading. But you think differently, so I will leave you to it.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/aug/11/children.foodanddrink

Pinning, that article was written in 2008.

The journalist became a father for the first time in 2012. Here he writes of the euphoria of belonging a father.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2012/apr/01/can-say-i-get-babies

I would love to know his opinion on leaving a three year old to cry for four hours, because on the basis of the more recent post becoming a parent article, I suspect it falls in the camp of "four hours of hearing my three year old cry? No bloody way"

I too have worked with children and have had to report actual real life abuse of a child. so quite frankly you can say what you like. everyone is entitled to their opinion, just as I am entitled to parent how I see fit.

just as I am entitled to parent how I see fit.

You are not actually. You reported a case of child abuse, so you should know that is not the case.

obviously there are extreme cases. but I am not abusive and would never hurt my children. you know what I meant by that statement.

my son is now a very happy little boy. I don't understand why people are convinced I'm some sort of nut job. I'm not. I am just a mum doing my best for my children. I have my way of doing things and yoh have yours. absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Agreed, but if you post it on a public forum then people will comment, agree, disagree, sometimes quite strongly. And what you posted made myself and others respond quite fiercely in disagreement. If I were you, that would make me think.

all it has done is re-affirm my belief that most people love to come across as perfect and can do no wrong and won't admit to doing something others disagree with.
yes I did something that some people don't like. I don't like when children who think the world owes them something, behave appallingly towards adults and authority figures in their lives to get their own way but that's just my opinion.

Today I almost lost my patience with my four year old doing his homework; bribed both children with a chocolate eggs in order to get around the shops in peace, plonked them in front of the TV whilst DH and I were on our iPads, and finally I unfairly shouted at my four year old for mildly messing about in the bath.

Perfect parent, I am not.

But I am baffled how you can see leaving a three year old to cry for four hours (when it was a one off and he didn't normally mess about at bedtime) as a way of avoiding a child behaving appallingly to authority figures and thinking the world owes them something.

no he didn't normally mess at bed time but I would have to be up anywhere up to seven times in a night to put him back to bed. what I did stopped him tantrumming as he has never done anything so extreme again and also taught him to stay in bed and sleep at night. win win as far as im concerned

fatty I'm sorry people are over-reacting massively to your post - I totally agree with you about consistency and boundaries. As adults we have to be in charge - imagine how things would be if we weren't? Small children don't have fully developed reasoning skills yet so we have to help them to learn stuff such as "it's time to put the play dough away and eat lunch" (one of my battles today) etc. my now 5 yr old once tried to have a tantrum when he was younger. I gave him a warning that if he didn't stop making that noise he would have to go into the garden. It wasn't a very nice day. Of course he ended up in the garden. After 2 mins he sat down and stopped yelling and was allowed back in. He hasn't done it since I 'm happy to say. I expect a lot of people will now tell me how horribly cruel I was but I couldn't care
To the OP I would also say not to give in - if I have to say no to something then I give a proper reason and then try distractions. If they cry etc then try "are you sad because you want so-and-so and mummy said no?" And usually they will respond with a tearful "yes" and then you can explain how they can have that tomorrow or whenever if they are good and stop crying etc. This has been working a treat for me lately with DS2 age 3 yesterday! The fact I have managed to acknowledge his sadness really calms him down. But if he kept tantrumming he would also be in the garden pdq hope that helps!

thank you.
I do think this thread has become more about trying to insult me rather than actually giving any advice to the OP.
oh well she has probably dealt with her toddlers tantrum now and are both happy whatever she chose to do.

2 minutes in the garden, on a not very nice day. And you compare that with four hours of crying. The mind boggles!

so...it's ok to stick em outside?
right then I know what to do next time dont I?

Hahaha well I don't suppose I would stick them outside if it was actually dark although I haven't had to cross that bridge yet
enjoying it's the same principle so yes the two scenarios are comparable. If DS1 had yelled for 4 hours he would have been in the garden for 4 hours.

At 3? No allowance whatsoever that a three year has very little reasoning or sense. Certainly not after four hours. You say you would put a three year old outside for four hours as punishment. Okay, that is abusive. I am saying that if you did that happy you would be an abusive mother.

Yes I expected you to say that