So how do you handle it when the child of a gentle parenter keeps physically attacking your kid?

[beerisbetterthanwine]

I have recently joined a toddler group that I have been looking forward to a space becoming available on for ages. But one boy there keeps deliberately physically attacking my son. This boy is at least three, more likely 3 and a half and is over twice the age and twice the size of my ds. Last week he came over when my ds was sitting down and stamped on both his feet as hard as he could. His mum did take him to another room and gently explained to him that this was wrong. He did come over to apologise and then went over to his mum saying ' That was a good gentle apology wasn't it?', for which he got lots of praise. Fair enough. Except ten mins later he grabbed hold of the hood on my son's jacket and pulled backwards as hard as he could so that my son jerked down to the floor, smacking his head against the wooden floor boards. His mum didn't really do anything. This week he slapped my ds hard across the head. His mum sat him on her lap for a gentle chat. He spent the rest of the time on his bike very clearly trying to ram it into my son as he toddled about. I basically had to spend the whole time acting as a physical body guard for my son. The mum did stay with her son and say things like, 'ooh now careful with the steering, go around justpick's son' which missed the point. His steering wasn't poor, he was trying to ram my ds. He is absolutely delighted when he attacks my son, he grins from ear to ear. He does it because it is fun and he can do it without consequence, my ds can't fight back and his mum just effectively gives him a cuddle and a gentle chat, i.e. lots of attention.
I never used to be anti-gentle parenting but now I see it as a hyper individualistic, egotistical, self indulgent crap. My ds effectively seems to be collatoral damage for her parenting experiment. It's okay for him to get stamped on, slapped and smacked about for as long as it takes her ds to slowly, gently learn that this is wrong.
I'm fuming.

Oh and she never, ever speaks to me or apologises or acknowledges her ds's behaviour to me in any way. I seem to be invisible to her.
How would you handle it?
Sorry for the ranty post btw, but I am raging.

Bloody hell this thread.

I second that what silly said to say to the other mother was the best advice I've read on here.

I agree with everything Sillylass has said from the advice she gave Beer about what to say, to describing how she felt with her PFB both when they were small/vulnerable and bigger/more aggressive.

Also not sure why Fanjo got such a flaming.

Catkind: "If DC wanted to "manipulate" me into leaving toddler group they could just ask to leave, it's not like I was there for my own enjoyment?!

But they're not to know that, are they? Presumably you don't sit there looking grumpy and naughty all session, so DC would assume that you're there because YOU want to be too.

Anyway, from your explanation it doesn't sound like you are the type of parent I had in my head. I just remember vividly this one mum years ago at toddler group who had no control over her boy, who was very violent. She had a little weedy ineffectual voice and would now and again half heartedly shout " ds, don't do that, it isnt nice." Then she'd take him home. So he never learned how to behave in a group setting because she always kind of gave up.

. Grumpy and naughty?!?!? I meant moody I think?!

When this happened to DD I comforted her the first two times but didn't say anything to the child or the mother. The mums response was to hold her child, shhh him and say 'I know you're tired'.

The last time he whacked DD around the head she was stood at my knee because she'd got wary of him. It took me by surprise that the cheeky sod went for DD right in front of me and a really stern "NO, WE DON'T HIT" popped out of my mouth. His mum scooped him up and sat him down, but still didn't acknowledge me or DD. Anyway, they never came back the next week

Oh I look very naughty .

DD (2) does know she can ask to leave toddler group if she wants to. She always gets distracted on the way to the door and changes her mind though!

I think the problem is that the mum in the OP is doing inconsistent and ineffective parenting, not that she's doing gentle parenting.