My 10 yeah old Stepson is mentally abusing my 6 year old Daughter

[Ellajuliana]

This is my first post on any type of forum so please bear with me!

So here it goes.....me and my partner got together 2 years ago, he has a son and I have a Daughter, things moved every quickly, I got pregnant and now have a 6 month old son with my partner, we all live together and my Stepson goes to his Mums every weekend, as she used to drink and he is with his dad and me full time now (she hasn't drank for years) and that is not an excuse for what he is doing

From the very start my stepson has been horrendous to my Daughter, he started by hitting her at night time and telling her not to tell anyone, then he hit her in the face with a doll which resulted in my Daughter having a black eye, me and my partner punished him for this, well i did, my partner kind of shouted at him and forgot about it...now the big problem is this....a few weeks ago I noticed my daugher constantly washing her hands, to the point where they were sore, she is all of a sudden obsessed with makingher step dad sick etc, after me asking and asking her what it wrong she eventually told me that my step son told her that my partner isnt her real dad and he hasn't got the same germs as her and that if she touches him it will make him very sick.

My daughter knows she has a different biological dad up has called my partner Daddy for a while now.

I am beyond furious with my step son and just cannot forgive him for this, I can't even look at him let alone speak to him, I can't stand being around him at all and i am at breaking point.

I'd go as far to say I hate him at the moment, and I know that seems harsh but he has put MY own Daughter through hell since the beginning, I just need some much needed advice, I don't want to look after him anymore, I don't want him anywhere near my children either, if this carries on I fear I will have to leave and take my daughter out of this dangerous situation, I feel like a bad Mum already for keeping her in this situation for so long.

Thankyou for reading this

[cory]

And frankly, OP, keeping on about how your dd is not behaving like this despite going through family break-up is quite offensive: it totally minimises what this boy has gone through.

Was your dd brought up by an alcoholic with all that entails? Was your dd taken away from her main carer at the age of 3? Is your dd's main carer somebody who would be happy to send her away to live elsewhere? No? Then don't even try to compare her situation with what this boy has gone through.

[Donram]

Apologies to Op as I know this is an older post but I felt really strongly about this dilemma and people's apparent disregard for common sense and sympathy for the OP's plight. This boy is clearly disturbed and my suspicion about the reason behind it is the alcoholic mother. I have been in a relationship with a single father for nearly 3 years his son is now 14 and my daughter is 10 and we don't live together and for only one reason. His son despises me and my daughter for simply being in his dad's life but his behaviour and attitude towards us cannot be described anything less now than abusive and bullying. My daughter was having nightmares,her confidence deteriorated to nothing she developed a very low opinion of herself because he made her feel like she was not wanted, and was intruding in the house as he has done me for nearly 3 years. He has no regard for anyone's feelings or needs. He constantly abuses his dad despite him being there for him practically every minute of the day and he makes threats of running away if his dad doesn't let him rule the house,his behaviour and attitude is appalling and my mental health as well as his dad's is at an all time low. His mother is an alcoholic who emotionally and physically abused his dad for years and neglected him and messed her son's mind. He is a boy full of anger and hatred and I have tried to give him the love he has never had from his mother and I have had the patience of a saint with him for two and a half years until this weekend and the result is my boyfriend and I are over because the strain has become too much for us both. I believe the mother is at the root of his anger but to be honest I am past caring his clear hatred for me and my child is never going to change and neither is my boyfriend who never shows me the respect of standing up for us despite me being there for him and his son. My point is the Op has clearly too reached breaking point there is only so much controlling,manipulative,downright nasty treatment a person can take before they mentally and physically cant do it anymore. Just like me she is not responsible for her stepsons past and should not have to pay for mistakes his mother and father have made and her daughter certainly doesn't. People who haven't experienced such distress cannot possibly imagine how the Op feels. You are constantly torn between your love for your partner and your own child and trying to love someone else's and I can assure you now it is extremely hard to love a child who belittles you so much that you feel totally worthless

[Cynras1209]

Oh I can't stand this response, when your own child is being bullied and you can tell their in a nervous state and they're so young they don't know exactly what to say or how to react... you would feel the same if you're a mother. I don't believe anyone's opinion in this is valid unless you've been through it yourself. My son is 6 and is bullied by my 12 year old step son. He calls him a little girls, offers to play activities with him in which he knows my son won't be able to beat him in. He always downs my son and when I see the look in his face of always being defeated and his sits quietly with nothing to say... the rage is real and it's beyond easy to say you feel hate.

[Riotgrrrrl]

Hey everyone

I’m after some advice. This has been eating me up for almost 2 years now. I’ll give a bit of a background story so it’s easy to understand and you are able to see the big picture. I had a baby boy 4 years ago when I was 19. My partner at the time was very young, too young to raise a child and left us when my son was 4 months old. He didn’t make a consistent effort with him and ended up just moving away and not making an effort at all. I was single for a good 2 years until I met my now partner who also has a son aged 9. My son having no father figure or present Father around, took to my new partner as a father figure strongly. My partner is very jealous, I am guessing because his ex wife cheated on him during their marriage then left. My partner encouraged my son to call him Dad, and I took on the role of “step Mum”. Naturally, his son didn’t respond well to my son calling his father Dad, which is completely understandable for an only child. The first 6 months together was great. My partners family owns a Beach hut that we stay at occasionally. At the end of the first 6 months things started to go pear shaped. My step son telling my biological son that his Aunty (my partners sister) isint my sons aunty, my grandma isint your grandma etc.. which extremely confused my son because he is 4 and believes that my partner is his Dad. I’ve tried talking to my partner about it, but he doesn’t like to talk in depth about anything even thought this is extremely important to me. He has told me he has spoken to my step son about the matter but nothing has changed. My step son goes to his grandmothers house in the mornings and she drops him off to her daughters (the Aunty) before school and they all walk together. My son attends the same school but doesn’t get to go with Grandma. When we aren’t staying at the beach house but my partners parents are, my step son is allowed to stay with all the cousins and family but my son isin’t. My sister in law once has a dig at me about not including my step son. On this occasion, my grandparents were visiting from 26 hours down south and asked to take my son to the museum. At the time my step son was at the beach house with my partners family, so I didn’t feel the need to invite him because my son had already missed out on being there, and I wanted to treat him. My partners sister also gave me an extremely hard time after I had a very messy misscarriage x2 curette surgeries, accusing me of “trapping” her brother. Everytime I talk to my partner about it his solution is “if it’s that bad then leave”. Which is frustrating because my son adores him and is in a great routine where he is. I asked Both boys last weekend if they could not argue with each other for an hour, my step son cried and screamed “I WANT MY MUM”,Ran into our house and locked us all out. I try my hardest to always include him in everything and so does my family. He’s at my son for everything he does, from the way he eats to the way he speaks. I’m concerned this is going to affect my son in the long run, and I feel like a terrible mother for letting it go on this long. Please help!!