Not an AIBU but which stage of life with kids is harder?

[Newmummytobe79]

When I worked in a high pressurised job I didn't think life could get any harder - fell asleep on sofa as soon as I got home, cleaning done at weekends, not having a social life during the week etc etc

I then thought it couldn't get any harder when I was pregnant in said job.

When I had my baby I (very tough birth/borderline PND) sleep deprivation and the shock of the responsibility made me think I was going mad!

I now enjoy my time with my 3 1/2 month baby ... most of the time ! But on bad days I wonder how I'll ever combine work and a social life whilst having a child, ever again. I would like another child in the future but really don't know how people do it!

I have friends who have kids of school age and toddlers, they work part time and still manage to have a social life - how!?!

Friends have been understanding with me missing social events (especially over Christmas) etc ... but I often wonder if they think 'if she thinks having a baby is tough, wait until she has 2/3 kids'

Does it continue to get harder or does life kind of settle down?

Just wondering what the future holds really.

puberty and teenagers.

Toddlers - need such close supervision so you have to be alert all the time. and they wake early

You could have been me!!! I remember thinking (often) how do people have 2 and I had a relatively easy birth/ dd wasn't a
Particularly "difficult" baby (ie no reflux etc).

I think things slowly improved from
About 4 months on and certainly once started to wean (which was a tricky backwards phase). Definitely by a year it was getting a lot better - and 18 m I don't think I can remember it any other way.

I went back to work at 9m and had a fantastic nanny which helped . Good childcare (of whatever kind) helps so start hunting early for that and allow for
Settling in. Also it takes a good 6 months (at least) to get back into work - my job reasonably high pressured too. Also start on hours/ way you want to work (ie I always leave at 5 and log in later, I dont do anything unless it's emergency on my non working day) as it makes it easier to live with/Stick to long term.

Hang in there and above all be confident in your choice about parenting (eg how you
Feed, activities , childcare etc) as once
You find your style ifyswim that hekps

It depends on what sort of a person you are and what external forces are crushing you. I found toddlers hard, then DD at 9 and DS has got easier and easier as he understands his Asperger's more now.
Teenagers I have found the absolute best, different stresses that I can cope with much better.

Oh and I prefer toddler (and have teen dsc) - they are challenging but not as bad as babies IMO.

It does get easier. When they get to six months it even starts to become fun. I suspect it will always be hard (dd is only 18 months and dc2 is a bump) but you do get into your stride. Parenthood is a massive adjustment and it does take time to get used to it, but you'll get there.

I think the first child is a massive shock as its such a radical change in life style. It gets easier and in someways being back at work is easier than being at home. Is nice having an adult identiy and being able to go to toilet in peace. Is not a lazy option looking after an active tot.

I think the hardest parenting stage is from crawling to about two and half. The child needs constant supervision and you can't reason with them because of insufficent language skills. My children are 10 and 2 years old. DD is a lot easier at 2 years 8 months. She is potty trained and developing a concept of safety. The ten year old is lovely and its a really nice age.

It's gets easier physically, at least.
Ours are teen now and we have a very active social life. We are in our mid forties and still have lots of energy. Some of our peers have very young babies.
We still have to be there for them and keep on top of school work, dates for 6 th form entry/uni applications, etc.
I miss the time when they were toddlers/babies, sometimes, but did enjoy it. However,overall, I find parenting easier now. (much more expensive though!)

All of 'em...

Have you got a DH? I found it very easy to have an active social lifes style. The only hard bit for no social life I have found so far is pregnancy. First time I found it hard to have such a fun social life when pregnant and I am pregnant again and it is a bit boring missing out on events.

I have been to concerts, weekends away with the girls, nights out really regularly, day time drinking/shopping seshs etc, places with my mum

Tbh the more of a social life you have the less stressful it is as you get a break

I have four ranging in age from 2 to 18. Every age has highs and lows. A stage that's easy with one child may not with another.

For instance I'm finding my 18 year DS more of a worry than all the others put together at the moment, chiefly because he appears to have little or no motivation to do anything. Until 12 he was not exactly easy, but it's got more challenging as he's got older. He's not in any kind of trouble but frankly is unlikely to be the way he is living his life at the moment.

The stage when your DH buggers off and leaves you to bring them up on your own.

(Sorry, bad mood today).

It does settle down, especially when you can reliably use babysitters and knw your dc are happy. It just takes a bot more planning.

It must be doable when working full time, but if you were working ft, wanting to spend time with your dc and wanting to have a social life, as well as run a household, something has got to give. But having a cleaner would help!

Anyway, in answer to the question, I think teenage/puberty years are likely to be the hardest. Although in a different way. But at least when they are little you know you have time to sort out problems and you have hope that they will grow out of whatever it is. At puberty, when it's over they are adults and have to make their own way in the world, no more second chances. I'm not there yet, but that's the thought that I find scariest.

I totally agree about the older thing the only bit of parenting that worries me is teens

I found pre 12 months was quite hard. DS had reflux, colic, major probs weaning, never slept. 12 months+ is, so far a doddle. Toddler years are so easy and fun it's unreal. I'm imagining (but could be very wrong) that the next hardest phase will be teenage years. I can't see primary school years being that much of a major problem.

seniortoeslately that was the best thing that happened to me! Life became a doddle without the grown up child to look after also

With my first, her SN made her teenage years hard to cope with. With my middle it has been the teenage years, again because of her anger issues, surrounding her dads death. My youngest has hnestly been 'a walk in the park', the only thing i have had to deal with is my fear over her coping as an adult with her multiple SN's.

The first baby is difficult, as others have said, because you don't realise how quickly they grow up and are just caught up in a bit of a whirlwind, or hurricane! Things will settle down quite quickly.

You are still very new at parenthood and I promise promise promise you it gets easier as you continue to adjust and get to know your lovely baby.

Yes there are challenges with different ages and stages but none so challenging as from non-parent to parent, and a newborn to boot. Newborn babies require practically every breathe of your being and it can be overwhelming. Anyone who denies this is lying.

You will be fine, you really will. Just keep going with it, keep doing what is working for you and stay in touch with other parents of similar age children, they can be great for reassurance during challenging times. xx

I thought it would get easier but mine are 5 & 3 now and it's much tougher than it used to be. House is messier, louder, less organised, harder to get out and about.

I'm hoping for a lull when they're primary school age.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll "But at least when they are little you know you have time to sort out problems and you have hope that they will grow out of whatever it is. At puberty, when it's over they are adults and have to make their own way in the world, no more second chances. I'm not there yet, but that's the thought that I find scariest."

I used to feel that way but I have realised now looking back that many of the people I have known personally and some celebs who have been all sorts of trouble as teens have become fantastic adults, Stephen Fry as an example. I must have given my own parents all sorts of worries when I was a teen but now I am in my 30s and I think I have done good things with my adult life.

It gets worse, it gets better, you get used to one thing and then they throw something else at you! It's like a roller coaster! It can't be too bad though, because with a 12yo and a 15 yo, I'd happily do it again!

Mine are 6,3, and nearly 2 and i am hoping that things will get easier when theyre all at school because right now i could put the two little ones on ebay by teatime every single day

It depends on the children.

I thought nothing could be worse than the sheer exhaustion of having three under 4 and no sleep for about six years.

Then they turned into teenagers, and I seem to get less sleep (they never fucking go to bed), less adult time, and mentally I am shattered.

I can't even make them go to their rooms any more. Though I do (frequently) retreat to mine with wine and chocolate.

I'm really, really enjoying my older ones, they are 8 and 6. Far less challenging and actually able to do stuff.

The Beast is only 3, so still a little tricky, but we're getting there.

I definitely have a social life! A little too much of one, probably