Not an AIBU but which stage of life with kids is harder?

[Newmummytobe79]

When I worked in a high pressurised job I didn't think life could get any harder - fell asleep on sofa as soon as I got home, cleaning done at weekends, not having a social life during the week etc etc

I then thought it couldn't get any harder when I was pregnant in said job.

When I had my baby I (very tough birth/borderline PND) sleep deprivation and the shock of the responsibility made me think I was going mad!

I now enjoy my time with my 3 1/2 month baby ... most of the time ! But on bad days I wonder how I'll ever combine work and a social life whilst having a child, ever again. I would like another child in the future but really don't know how people do it!

I have friends who have kids of school age and toddlers, they work part time and still manage to have a social life - how!?!

Friends have been understanding with me missing social events (especially over Christmas) etc ... but I often wonder if they think 'if she thinks having a baby is tough, wait until she has 2/3 kids'

Does it continue to get harder or does life kind of settle down?

Just wondering what the future holds really.

OP, I've read more replies since my last one. I really hope that this thread hasn't caused you to package up your newborn and send him/her back to the maternity unit .

There are so so many good, brilliant, funny, satisfying bits too, that far outweigh the hard bits (imo). Hang in there, and you will be fine.

Mid 20's-relationships,jobs,house buying, all the things Mum cant fix but which hurt so much -your beautiful dd in bits over a rotten boyfriend,your ds having to look abroad for work he wants etc etc All you can do is watch but you cant make it better,often you cant even let them know how much you see.Mine are all grown up now-youngest 37 but I'd take toddlers or teens before twenties any time!

pranma my mother says similar. She says it's so much harder for her having seen me struggle (periodically) through my 20s and early 30s and she couldn't "interfere" in the way she could when I was under her roof. She wanted to respect my indepedence and said she felt out of control as a result. I see where she is coming from.

Hmm, Twenties can be awful and wonderful almost at the same time ! I've only lived through them myself though so far ( plus a few extra decades ), yet to relive the horrors and delights of twenties through my DCs

Yes I suppose that's true pranma- I remember crying on the phone to my mum when I couldn't get dd to stop crying and she said 'yes icecream, it doesn't get any easier hearing your children cry even when they're 28' and then she cried too!

(obv just a family of criers

Personal theory - all children have 3 - 4 years of grim tucked into them somewhere. Not clear at which point they will start or end exactly, but once they're done they're probably done. So for every child who has been a holy terror as a toddler there are good times ahead and for every teenager who has never had a tantrum or been less than lovely, watch out. Best therapy: exhertion in fresh air - either for them or for you, most effective when accompanied with loud screaming / shouting / singing / sweating.

I'm not sure as eldest DD is only 3.6.

I'd have to say the first few months were a breeze for me. At around 2 DD1 became difficult and at 3.6 she can be a nightmare. A lovely one :o.

Worse stage for me was having three boys of three and under. For the first year both my husband and myself were on our knees with exhaustion but it really does get easier, better and so enjoyable - they are now 13, 11 and 10 - best friends and worse enemies. There is no doubt about it you do have to make sacrifices, no social life, part time work (and part time money) but the pride I have in my boys is so worth it - you never know, we might get lucky and have a few months to ourselves when they all leave, get married etc and then I'll have the fun (?!?) of grandchildren

I tottaly agree that a new baby is a massive shock in your adult lifestyle. In my case allthough i did everything humanly possible tofinaly have her,I still had PND and it took me 2-3 months to actually begin to adjust. I have started to really allow my self loving her at 12 moNths. Now she is 21 months and I cant really imagine my life withut her. Toddlers 12 to 24 months are difficult because they need constant supervision but its so amazing that I can actually communicate with her and as she was a very easy going baby I feel realy great. Going back to a new demanding job at 6 months wasnt easy but I seek and found help in her daycare as well as establishing a very organized routine from day one really helps a lot. Make sure you dont forget your adult self and dont feel guilty about what you do away from her. I did took weekends or a few hours away from her occationally and I feel this provided me the balance I need. Skipp the guilt trip Alpha mums are giving you and things will run more smoothly as she grows up. You will gradually get back your social life and carrier.

I have four children - ages now from 17 to 26. My advice to make things easier is don't try to do too much - it is just so knackering. Being a supermum, having a career and being a wonderful lover just isn't possible if you want to keep your sanity. Do not take your children to after school activities - just let them be..
I know mine have finally grown up when my 23 year old son came up to my bedroom last weekend and said,"aren't you ever going to get up MUm?' It was only 1 p.m.!
Being able to have a lie in is wonderful but I do miss all the fun of when they were little - especially reading bedtime stories.
If you find it hard, try and remember how much you love your babies. My first child was so miserable and clingy and I felt such a failure, then along came twins who were so much easier. Then after another five years, a lovely, sunny child. Now they're all big you reap the benefits of having a big family. You'll never be rich but there is just so much love in our family - I don't regret a moment.xx

I definitely loved the toddler years best - the sheer wonderment about things and the fact that as an adult you can play cars or dolls, sing shout jump around and be silly as if you were a child and they think it's ok - they don't realise yet that adults don't do that in the grown up world. I do remember the tiredness but always thought of it as each stage of their childhood being such a short stage and so quickly passing that I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could and sleep when they napped if I could and the cobwebs will wait until tomorrow... as long as they were fed and happy and my house was okish that was enough.

Mine are 12 & 14 now and while I was pretty worried about getting to teens it's not as bad as you think. The biggest negative I think is that I don't feel as if my husband and I get enough time just the two of us as my teen wants to stay up late and I am not a late night person. The plus to this is that in another 6 years (we will be just 50) then both kids will have taken off to college hopefully and then we will have lots of time as a couple.

Triplets - you mentioned not liking your teens - I must admit I sometimes feel like that too but I think it's similar to not always understanding where they are coming from about some issue or other...... they are more or less mini-adults at this stage just lacking a little life experience so I think it is normal to not always agree with them or like them but the unconditional love is still there as a mum.

Oooh! Would have said babies/toddlers were tough, but my DS1 (10) has hit puberty early and is beginning to have stand-offs with DH and me. Everything's our fault, appparently! Mmmm, didn't know that. Bet I'll lose count of the number of times he says that before he's 12!

Mind you, put 2 lively lads, 2 OAP's (that's me & DH!) and a dog in a caravan for 2 years since we're about to begin renovating barns (well we've been here a year and nothing to show for it yet - red tape, planning permission, building warrants etc etc), and there's bound to be a few short words spoken. It's certainly not easy when space is in short supply and we have a rapidly growing testosterone-fuelled boy on our hands. Oh help, here comes fun!