Not an AIBU but which stage of life with kids is harder?

[Newmummytobe79]

When I worked in a high pressurised job I didn't think life could get any harder - fell asleep on sofa as soon as I got home, cleaning done at weekends, not having a social life during the week etc etc

I then thought it couldn't get any harder when I was pregnant in said job.

When I had my baby I (very tough birth/borderline PND) sleep deprivation and the shock of the responsibility made me think I was going mad!

I now enjoy my time with my 3 1/2 month baby ... most of the time ! But on bad days I wonder how I'll ever combine work and a social life whilst having a child, ever again. I would like another child in the future but really don't know how people do it!

I have friends who have kids of school age and toddlers, they work part time and still manage to have a social life - how!?!

Friends have been understanding with me missing social events (especially over Christmas) etc ... but I often wonder if they think 'if she thinks having a baby is tough, wait until she has 2/3 kids'

Does it continue to get harder or does life kind of settle down?

Just wondering what the future holds really.

Some children are A LOT easier than others.

You didn't mention your partner, is he pulling his weight? That is maybe the key to others' better social lives.

As you can see from all the other posters, it depends entirely on the child and/or the situation!

My DD is now 23 months and I would say the last six months have been mainly good. Especially now sleep problems are mostly dealt with (for the time being, anyway...!) and getting some reasonable kip makes SO much difference to how you feel about everything. That and living within range of some free family babysitting!

But basically, now DD is walking well and talking proficiently and hasn't been hit by major tantrums yet, it's reasonably halcyon. I was dreading the toddler years, but so far I've found I'm really enjoying it. Toddlers are hilarious and it's magical watching them make their discoveries.

Not to say there aren't stressful moments (and I'm not naive enough to think it will always remain is easyish as it is at the moment), but it's mostly a lot of fun.

Depends on the child / children, and depends on you.

I quite like the baby stage.
I find 2/3 yr olds bloody hard work.
I find 4 - 6 is delightful.
6+ we seem to be going downhill a bit again.

And that's as far as I've got.

Pre-bribing age is horrible. If they don't respond to "If you are good, you can have a lolly", how on EARTH can you control them?

And with two children, I found 2 and 5 to be the hardest time, as they were both aggressive, destructive, disobedient, bad tempered, tantrummy little turds. Mine are now 8 and 5 and really quite lovely in comparison. Of course, now I get attitude where I used to get sobs, but I can reason with attitude, or threaten computer bannings until the attitude stops, and they respond. I don't need to take piles of crap everywhere I go, They can play on the park and I don't have to follow they around ready to catch them if they fall or stop them hitting, they are both responsible for their own bodies, and I haven't even seen my children's poo for about a year now, much less dealt with it. They are both big and clever enough to actually help with the housework, and small enough to be pleased with the 20p I give them for doing so.

Actually I very much enjoyed Ds2's toddler years, because he said some genuinely hilarious things, and screamed with rage for some genuinely hilarious reasons. (once, I stopped him going upstairs and he lay down and bit the carpet in fury)

0-2 is very difficult IMO. Sleepless nights, sore nipples, crying, nappies....

Toddlers have their moments but if you're anything like me you'll find them easier. Dd is 8 now and a dream but I'm already dreading teenage years which I imagine are the worst.

I still think 2-4 is the hardest. Toddlers are emotionally very demanding and physically very demanding. You're trying to teach/ train them how to behave appropriately. They are tesing boundaries and learning how much of a fool they can take you for! Potty training...need I say more? They are around you 24-7 until they go to school Nursery for a blessed 3 hrs per day. It's exhausting. I think Nursery is a good time, and I enjoyed Reception with ds1 until a lot of issues hit. I think if there are no big issues in Primary it's looking promising.

DS1 is 13 years, DS2 is 8 months. I found I'm much tireder since going back to work in September (main earner so no choice). I'd question the idea that being back at work is easier when you have a night waker still! Childcare is easier IMO with preschoolers. They just stay at/with whoever until hometime. No running round for school runs, after school clubs etc. Teens. Mine is just getting to be a bit more strong willed so may have to let you know in a few months!

There's a nice bit when they're between around 8 and 11 when they have a certain amount of growing independence and don't need you to wipe their bum/get them a drink, then they hit puberty and all hell breaks loose once again. They do leave home eventually, so I'm told.

Good luck

Found 0-2 a breeze, but was lucky to have a very easy baby who slept loads and crucially I wasn't working. Golden days!

2-3 also OK, but was back at work so much more tired.

3-4 was hell, working very very long hours supposedly part time (ha!) lots of pressure at work, he stopped napping and was the most demanding he's ever been. I found it very hard but that was mostly due to the job situation, I think.

4-5 started school. It should have got a lot easier (still part time, haven't had so much free time in 5 years!) but I'm pregnant so very tired. DS is a changed child from last year, he is so happy and inspired by school :)

Up to about 14 I found it all very easy and enjoyable. Never seemed like hard work.

I thought I would get my social life back when they were teenagers, but in fact they get to a stage where they are too old for babysitters, but too young to be left on their own (because they fight ).

And then they get a social life. And I have to stay off the wine and can't go anywhere at the weekends, because there's always one of them that needs picking up from a party/hospital/cop shop .

And we can't go on holidays because one won't come, and can't be left at home alone........

Give me back my babies [cries]

It was easiest from around age 5 to age 11 for me. Then harder again but then a lot easier as they got older.

But it was all rewarding, just tough, but then the worthwhile things are not easy.

All anyone can ever say is 'I found stage X easier, my child(ren) were like this, and Y harder, my child(ren) were like that'. Even 'babies are easy, they don't move' isn't very helpful, as that can be the very problem (frustrated baby who just wants to get on and be a toddler, but can't, so screams all the time).

'It only gets harder you know', or 'enjoy it, this is the easy bit' are enormously unhelpful things to say to a woman with one small baby, you never know how hard she's finding it - I had this said to me, with severe PND, and was desparately unhappy; over seven years later it's never (yet) been as hard as it was then, thank you very much unhelpful shop assistants etc.

Depends on so many things, as everyone else has said. Personally, I found the shock of my first (quite challenging!) child so great, the next two fitted i without me batting an eyelid. I wouldn't go back to the baby years for all the tea in China, but then, I don't do well on sleep deprivation. I'm loving the teenage years, which some people find hard. Then external things (like your finances, or if you have caring responsibilities for elderly parents) also have a lot of effect on how resiliant you are at all stages.

Obviously depends on the child (and the parent) but for me the hardest stage was the toddler stage: irrational, unpredictable, early rising, clingy.

Depends on the child and on your personality. I have found DS1-15 to be much harder in adolescence and just harder as he got older, DS2-14 to be difficult all the way through due to his SN, and DDs, now 9 and 12 to be a walk in the park after their brothers.

Hmm, everyone seems to have a different opinion. I remember everyone telling me when DS was born that it doesn't get easier, the challenges just change. My experience is completely different. I found having a baby very demanding but having a toddler is a pleasure!

I think you can possibly answer this one definitively, ever. Because just when you have seen it all, they throw you a curve ball! Being a parent has it's challenges, whether your kids are 2 or 28!

I had a less than brilliant birth, PND and a colicky baby, so didn't really get into my 'mummy groove' until she was about 8 months.

I think it's physically easier by the time they're 18 months - 2 as they are generally walking and able to communicate their needs better.

I was really looking forward to DD starting school - more independence & stimulation for her and a bit more 'me time' for me. She is is Year 2 now and in a way I have found the last couple of years really tough. So much goes on that you don't really know about and it's really tough to judge how to deal with things that occur on someone else's 'watch'.

As for how people deal with multiple kids - I have no idea, which is why I just have the one!

I think you can possibly answer this one definitively, ever. Because just when you have seen it all, they throw you a curve ball! Being a parent has it's challenges, whether your kids are 2 or 28!

My eldest is only 2.9, but I have found her hitting tantrum point at 18mths (and ongoing...) much harder than any of the newborn stuff.

But I am on my 2nd 'easy' newborn so a biased sample I imagine!