Not an AIBU but which stage of life with kids is harder?

[Newmummytobe79]

When I worked in a high pressurised job I didn't think life could get any harder - fell asleep on sofa as soon as I got home, cleaning done at weekends, not having a social life during the week etc etc

I then thought it couldn't get any harder when I was pregnant in said job.

When I had my baby I (very tough birth/borderline PND) sleep deprivation and the shock of the responsibility made me think I was going mad!

I now enjoy my time with my 3 1/2 month baby ... most of the time ! But on bad days I wonder how I'll ever combine work and a social life whilst having a child, ever again. I would like another child in the future but really don't know how people do it!

I have friends who have kids of school age and toddlers, they work part time and still manage to have a social life - how!?!

Friends have been understanding with me missing social events (especially over Christmas) etc ... but I often wonder if they think 'if she thinks having a baby is tough, wait until she has 2/3 kids'

Does it continue to get harder or does life kind of settle down?

Just wondering what the future holds really.

I found newborns the best bit in some ways, especially with DC2 - he was really good company from the very beginning. I have also found for the first couple of weeks all they do is sleep and feed which is actually quite relaxing (I think I may be the exception to the rule in this regard).

Life settled down after 9 months when DC2 started sleeping more.

We go out much less now than before kids - mainly because we have to find a babysitter. DH and I are also very much homebodies at heart and not having a hectic social life all the time is just what we like.

Oh, yes, I'm travelling in disguise .

Actually, I'm just correcting the horrible American pronunciation - did you know people were calling me Maryzee or Marise in their heads .

Yeurgh.

A wise move then.

I am suddenly finding it really tough coping with my 7yr old dd. She is a perfect example of good behaviour at school but seems to be unable to control her emotions at home. At the drop of a hat she is suddenly full of hate for me and is trying to press all the buttons she can. I am trying to remain calm and try to reason with her but it doesn't work. She refuses to let me brush her hair, get out of the bath, go to bed, go out anywhere etc etc. Am wondering if it could be early onset of puberty? Life is seriously tough at the mo.

The older they get, the more complex the problems!!! My 22 year old son is soon to become a father of 3 (a good one, i might add. He and Mum have been together since they were 15) and he was sadly made redundant and is finding it really hard to get work again.

My daughter is 18 and waiting for her uni offers. That's quite tense as well!! 3 down, 2 to go.
Easiest stage, i think, is a few weeks old. You sort of know what you're doing and if nothing else, they stay where you put them and don't answer back!!!

i have a 3 yr old, 6 yr old and 15 yr old, work 3 days a week and have a little bit of a social life (i probably go out for drinks or a meal about once a month, either with my sister or bestfriend or husband) and this is how i like it.

sometimes i get pressure from work or girlfriends to go out more but im not really into that anymore. i enjoy my kids company most of the time. they are all easier now and we have fun together. i really value my family time, i like pottering about the house and hate having too many plans at the weekend. being organised helps me cope with my life so i try to keep on top of the washing, housework most of the time although of course there are days when i chill and let it go a bit (like today).

the hardest stage for me was when they were babies (newborns and teething during the night). sleep deprivation is a form of torture. and the toughest test of all is if you get a baby with colic. i survived that so i now know i can survive anything! my 15 yr old is beginning to give me some cheek etc and that can be tough especially if youve brought them up well but it is still much easier than the newborn phase.

i think the tough times make the good times seem even better. its character building stuff raising kids. if youre strong and quite selfless, youll do a good job and youll get through it.

last thing, i havent gone insane yet cause i try to look after myself too. thats important. for me, the gym, the cinema and music all help.

all the best.

I have a 9 month old and a two and a half year old. Hardest stages for me so far were 1st baby up to 4 months; he was an unsettled baby and I was in serious SHOCK at the life adjustment.

Then, being pregnant with a one year old DS. Horrendous morning sickness for which I was on meds. After that, actually having the baby was a doddle. She's a cheerful little thing, difficult patch when started weaning but actually DS still wins in the difficulty stakes as he is embracing all aspects of terrible twos. ("NOOO I WANTED TO PUT THE STRAW IN THE CARTON NOOOOOOOOO!!!" crash, wail etc) Am at home with them both full time though so after I while it just starts going over your head!

Dunno, isn't always where you are at at that time??

Newborn DD1 was awful to 6 months though.

I'm sure each stage has had it's challenges but they receed into the mists of time ...... Now letting go with her at uni is so hard.But we are surviving

NewMummytobe79 - please remember that you have just gone through 9 months of pregnancy, childbirth and then 3.5 months of sleepless nights. Well, longer really as I'd imagine you didn't sleep through whilst heavily pregnant.

Once you are physically a bit more recovered you may find parenting a bit easier. I remember everything started feeling easier once I felt stronger.

I guess that a single child is probably more difficult after the first couple of years. My two sons always had each other and were always busy dismantling computers and building hides in the garden. My dd is obviously unhappy alone. Guess all situations are different but I am certainly finding one dd many more times more difficult than two sons ,, at any age.

DS is only 22mo but so far the 0-6 months stage has been the most horrendous. No sleep, constantly BFing, no idea what I was doing, terrible PND that is still lingering on... I hated it. 6m-1y was quite fun, then this year has been great. He walks, he talks, he plays by himself and he is small and innocent enough for the naughty things to be adorable still e.g. yesterday he hit DH and as his punishment had time out until he was ready to say sorry, then he could have the orange he wanted to eat. DH picked him up after a minute or so and DS said, 'sorry, Daddy.' DH asked why he was sorry: "Because I want an orange." :o

I remember looking at 3 or 4 week-old DS and wondering how on earth I was going to manage when he started dropping naps, to the point where I really panicked. I found though that I did cope and while I haven't enjoyed every moment of being a mother, on balance I have enjoyed more than I've dislike!

At the moment it feels like right now :(

I think it ois all hard. Being a parent is tough full stop and I the sacrifice is huge. Worth it though with plenty of enchanting monets thrown in.

typos

Let me retype that;

I think it is all hard. Being a parent is tough full stop and the sacrifice is huge. Worth it though with plenty of enchanting moments thrown in.

I would like to add;

My mum died last year and before she did she said that she was worried about me as I do not have a dp. The worrying dosn't stop and I have given her enough to worry about. Mum blamed herself for my bad choices but I know it was me being a rebellious shit. I just hope dd dosn't follow suit.

I think that the 'right now' or the anticipation of the next stage is what seems most difficult. But generally speaking, I have found that things somehow work themselves out, even if it does take a few tries at different ways of doing things.

I think that the most difficult stage is the one that you happen to be at.

When we had our first we were just like you.

I couldn't for the life of me understand how people had 2 or 3. How they had a social life? How they had clean pants on everyday!

We were spoiled. We used to drop him off at my mums all day Sunday (after 6/7 months) so we could 'get things done' ie-go for a pub lunch hee!

Yet, having my first was in some ways the hardest. It's such a shock.

Once I had two my mum was less forth coming and I BF her for a year were as I stopped at 5 months with DS.

I think as the baby grows you adapt. It all gets easier and easier. I found landmarks with both are 6 months - 1 year - 2 years where I would lift my head and think, oh yes, I can see things are getting easier because of sleep/solids/walking/talking. It all points towards them being more independant and less demanding.

3.5 months with my first baby - oh boy, I woulnd't like to go back to that place.......mind you fast forward to just after xmas there when I got a positive result in the bathroom to a very unexpected 3rd - THUD.

You will get your life back and feel like you again.

Ever since I posted yesterday lunchtime about how my DD (5) and DS (2.5) were becoming so much easier, they have been a bloody nightmare! So I would just like to take it all back .

HaHaHA RHP

... Maybe one day soon ...

I'm not very experienced as I only have one DC aged 18 months but I found the first six weeks incredibly difficult - sleep deprivation, non-stop feeding, expressing, unsettled baby and general terror that it was never going to change. Barring teenage terrors, I can't imagine that any stage will be as difficult as that. It all changed at six weeks though and again at about four months and has gotten progressively easier with every passing month.

Actually, good point up there, Aries - the time we spent TTC with no luck prior to having DS and the missed miscarriage I had along the way was by far the worst time of all.

Every time I feel exhausted at the moment or frustrated, I do remind myself of how awful it was to lose a baby and how lucky we are to have DS.

Yes, we had 7 years of infertility before ds1 arrived - no matter how awful things have been at times since, I wouldn't go back there again [shudder].

As an aside, I truly believe that by the time most parents get to number 3 or 4 they are used to chaos, and used to being out of control most of the time, and are completely unphased by it. So nothing compares to the absolute shock of the havoc that first squalling newborn can bring into your life, or the complete exhaustion that accompanies it.

I loved newborn stage, just loved it.Sleep deprivation doesn't bother me and had loads of head space. 3-4 is tje worst for me, they dont nap and they go on and on but no logic. Drives me mad. Thats why both mine were at nursery full time by their 4th birthday. Ds is 7 now.and 8 love chatting to him, he can realy think about stuff. In my madder.moments think I might like to home school....

I promise i won't over - egg the pudding here so just a word in your shell like,

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