Not an AIBU but which stage of life with kids is harder?

[Newmummytobe79]

When I worked in a high pressurised job I didn't think life could get any harder - fell asleep on sofa as soon as I got home, cleaning done at weekends, not having a social life during the week etc etc

I then thought it couldn't get any harder when I was pregnant in said job.

When I had my baby I (very tough birth/borderline PND) sleep deprivation and the shock of the responsibility made me think I was going mad!

I now enjoy my time with my 3 1/2 month baby ... most of the time ! But on bad days I wonder how I'll ever combine work and a social life whilst having a child, ever again. I would like another child in the future but really don't know how people do it!

I have friends who have kids of school age and toddlers, they work part time and still manage to have a social life - how!?!

Friends have been understanding with me missing social events (especially over Christmas) etc ... but I often wonder if they think 'if she thinks having a baby is tough, wait until she has 2/3 kids'

Does it continue to get harder or does life kind of settle down?

Just wondering what the future holds really.

Having said that, I had a wonderful few years between my youngest turning 5, and my eldest turning 13.

So out of 18 years of parenting (so far) I really enjoyed about four of them, with kids ranging from 5 to 12. Those years were a lot of fun.

0 - 4 years old is physically wearing, and 14 - 18 is mentally wearing, but still easier as you get sleep and free time.

With Mary and Crunchy - the primary years are a comparative oasis of calm before the new challenges of puberty rear their ugly head...
Having said all that, the whole thing so far has mostly been the most fun, rewarding thing I've ever done.

Just to add - even though I had probably the most horrendous time you could imagine with my teens, I still wouldn't not have them.

I agree with random - parenting, even though tough at times, has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And I'm looking forward (a long way forward) to enjoying grandchildren - fun without responsibility, hopefully .

I have a 6 and 8 year old so cant comment on teenagers, however I find this age relatively easy compared to toddler years. I took them out to lunch over the holidays with a friend who has a 12 month old and a 2 and a half year old, and I was exhausted watching her chase around after them, feeding them, taking them to change nappies etc etc.

My social life has changed in that we go out a lot with the kids and most friends have children but once they are this age, you can relax a bit and let them do their own thing a bit more and not have to be on top of them supervising all the time.

I have small children and under my sisters are entering teenagehood and we compare notes a lot, there seem to be a lot of similarities. Once, memorably after I had whinged about how bad toddler tantrums are she phoned me and held the phone out so I could hear one of hers having a teenage meltdown and as she said you can't put them on the naughty step when they're as tall as you are.

right now with a 4 and half yr old at home and about to pop with dc2 i'd say this year has been the hardest of all. The terrible 2's were nothing compared to how DD is now. 3.5 to now has been tough.

But I have a feeling I will feel that it's even worse in a few weeks time.

I have one 15 yr old DD

For me the hardest stage was baby from 6 to 9 months

Before and after that, not too bad.

Toddlerhood they can at least tell you what's wrong if they are crying

Primary school age was quite difficult, not parenting wise but working as well as parenting.

Teen stage has been no prob at all - DD is lovely and we have a great relationship.

For the OP though and from my own limited experience, I'd say it gets a bit worse with toddlers (sorry - I call it the "baby chimp stage"), then more interesting and less of a grind once they're walking talking and wiping their own bums! so 3-5 is pretty good IMHO. Having those surreal quizzical conversations with 5 year olds when they ask "are all still things statues? What's inside dogs?" is the best fun.

Smethwick is right- remember dss having a corker of a tantrum aged about 18. Dd was about 1 and remember thinking I wish I could just give dss a bottle.

my dd 27mnths and it is exhausting! hope it gets easier ! lol

Every stage has its challenges.
There is little social life unless you have good family/friends support to help out...or if you pay for childcare of course.

Babies, all consuming and exhaustion 20 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Toddlers are into everything and you cannot reason with them, teething, colds/coughs/chicken pox etc etc = sleeplessness and crabbyness.

school age kids is the trauma of juggling drop off, pick up, parents evenings, plays, sickness, training days and work.
That lasts till high school then its the awful teenage years.

Top tip, get good childcare in place as soon as possible and can you or your dp consider part time hours?

I think the first 6 months with first DC is the hardest. It started settling down for me around 1yr and I started feeling myself again by the time he was 2. (Just in time to get pg again!). I had twins second time around and it was certainly not harder than the first. Now they are a bit older (Twins 3yo and 6yo), I'd say it's as hard as those first 6months again

different stages are hard in their own way - but nothing is as bad as that all consuming, no sleep, shock to the system that a small baby gives you, lol

DD 2.8.

So far it has only got easier as she has got older. 6, 9 and 20 months and 2.5yrs being particulalry noticable as improvements.

Toddlers are hard work but I don't find it as emotionally draining as having a crying, non sleeping, helpless baby who I was clueless to deal with.

Am dreading the stages where I have to let her have more independence - crossing roads by herself, going out, driving, etc.

Sorry but without a shadow of a doubt I found the baby stage by far the easiest. They are still. When they are 2-3 they are learning and so chaotic! I could take DS shopping when he was a baby but I no longer can at three years old on my own. He simply does not let me and I spend half the time desperately trying to encourage him to be good with treats and the rest trying to make him semi-still. Nightmare.

Melted I couldn't take dd shopping when she was a baby as she screamed all the time. And she was rarely still because she was constantly being carried around by me.

Now shopping isn't exactly a relaxing experience but I can at least chat to her, involve her, bribe her with the promise of a cafe at the end of it etc.

Just goes to show how different children are I suppose

For me between the ages of 1 and 4 are the hardest.

Second the poster who said the primary stage was the easiest/nicest stage.

My 2 LOs are 3 and 5 and I have a biggun aged 14. Roll on a couple of years!

at wanting to put toddlers on ebay!

My DCs are 2.5 and 5yo.

So far, the hardest was the summer when DD was almost 3 and DS was a baby. There was no playgroup, baby groups, nursery over the summer, and days seemed like years. Toddler tantrums coupled with lack of sleep - gah!. Would be waiting on the doorstep every night for DH to return, and woe betide him if he was late !

Now I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As long as DD isn't too tired from school, she is a joy to be with - good company for cinema/theatre visits, even shopping. And DS is on the verge of being reasoned with, so I foresee at least a few calmer years on the horizon. However, DD has teenage tendencies NOW, so am planning to move out to the shed before she hits puberty .

Having got to the point where 2 of my DCs are adults, I still think the absolute worst parenting low I had was when those older ones were a newborn and a 2 year old. I remember sitting on the stairs with a screaming newborn in one arm and a screaming 2 year old in the other and just not being able to move because I didn't know what to do.

And that low is followed by DD being a teenager. It was hideous - it was what made me join MN. It wasn't even that at that stage I had 2 teenagers, a toddler and a newborn, it was simply the hell of teenage DD. Everything else seemed easier. She's lovely now - don't give up hope if you're where I was then.

Pregnant with ds2 and chasing round after ds1. Having a newborn and a toddler. Then later at about age 3/4 when both went through a phase of waking up with nightmares about 3 times a night each.

Teenage years no big problems so far - they're 16 and 18 and mostly charming.

My brother's dd on the other hand, went through a phase of climbing out of her bedroom window at night and staying out all night. Once she didn't get home till 7am and collapsed drunk on the doorstep. Several times they had the police out looking for her - she was 14 at the time.

Yes teenagers here too.

Utterly and completely without a shadow of a doubt 100%...the hardest is the teens.

I liked the 5-10 time...that was dead easy.

under ones
screamy scream scream scream all bloody day
can't walk so you do your back in lugging them around
faffing around with weaning
no bloody sleep

No idea, so far it's all crap. We're not having any more - I am arguably world's worst mother and I can't do the sleepless nights again (DS is nearly 18 months and still not sleeping through). It's not the work and social life that's the problem, though - I went back FT when he was 6 months, and moved to a new job when he was 14 months, and I see friends whenever I have the energy. At the moment I rather wish I could work 7 days a week.