paedophile on our street!

[katierocket]

one of my neighbours knocked on the door this afternoon to tell me that the guy that lives 5 doors from us has just been convicted of downloading child porn. He got a fine, suspended sentence and counselling. She wasn't being a vigilante but just said she thought those with parents might want to know. She has a 5 yr old and 7 yr old and lives next door but one to him. I felt really sorry for her because she was saying how his house overlooks their back yard and she's worried because they were running round in the nude in the paddling pool during the summer.

It might my heart drop when I heard it. I've never actually seen him and don't intend to start throwing eggs or shouting at him even if I do see him but it is frightening to think it can be so close to home.

You couldn't stop kids being alone with men (which is what you are saying, secret, isn't it?) Weighing the chance of the man being a paedophile against the wonderful benefits of kids enjoying bouncing in bed with their dads, being taken fishing or to football by their uncles, learning about old times from their grandads....etc. Of course if you had any reason to believe the man in question posed a risk to your kids of course you wouldn't leave them alone with him. But if the man is a good friend or relative and perfectly decent as far as you can tell, I would allow my kids to be with the person and take the small risk so that they could not only reap the kind of benefits I've just mentioned but also will grow up without seeing men as a threat.

I think everyone just has to be vigilant about keeping their children safe. Whether you know there are known paedophiles in your area or not. I think I would like to know if this man was leaving near me also but the danager is when the rumours are untrue. Also with more vulnerable children they are unable to tell you if the abuse is going on also, it just makes me sick

secret I agree with Janstar we cant have our children kept away from men, do we keep them away from women also (myra hindley, rose west are examples of a minority but it does happen).
We could go on and on.
What can we do?
TBH I think the first step is tougher sentencing ie mandatory life sentence (never getting out of nick)even for looking or thinking about it.
Second step is to name and shame, sorry if it goes against you but society can then be forewarned.
If it saves just one child I would be happy.
I dont know whether these would be deterrents or not but it should give a clear warning that this sort of disgusting behaviour is not acceptable in our society.

I think secret was also saying we can't keep kids away from men - weren't you, secret? I think I just phrased it badly.

you can't bang someone up for thinking about it! how could you tell? And as for degrees of severity being "a load of shite",doormat, are you seriously saying that you would imprison someone for life, for looking at a picture, the same sentence as for murder? The prison service couldn't cope with the volume. If sure that there are plenty of paedophiles out there who remain undetected. Those ones are far more of a threat to our children.

Tissy if it wasn't for these people who are prepared to pay to look at this material there would be no market for the pictures and a lot less paedophilia and child pornography.

FIL appears to be a normal, successful businessman with big house, nice cars, nice family etc. He is not weird or creepy or a dirty old man. He trashed the lives of family friends and neighbours. He'd been living in the street for 15 years before anything came out. His kids played with the kids he interfered with. They had barbeques together! No one could tell what he was doing!!

This is the biggest reason ever to name and shame him.

I am sorry but any backlash that you or your family would get would be nothing/miniscule compared to the abuse that his victims have encountered - I as a mother would hold you partly responsible if he went on to offend my daughter, you, the police, no one has any right to withold this sort of information IMO.

I do feel extremely sad for your situation but you have no right to chose who knows and who doesn't - tattoo them on the forehead - do anything possible to eliminate these people from our society.

Has anyone here read Minette Walters "Acid Row"? An excellent if slightly exaggerated fictional exploration of why people on the Sex Register are kept secret and what can happen when paedophiles are "outed". It certainly made me think of how even very well meaning actions can have far reaching consequences.

I recommend it.

I am very uncomfortable with the "outing" of paedophiles. Regardless of the problems there are in the way the justice system deals with these people, it is up to that system to deal with them, rather than every parent taking the law into their own hands.
Surely it is up to us as parents to ensure that our children our never in a situation where they could be abused by somebody we do not know well? I wouldn't let my dd be alone with any man or woman who I didn't know well enough to be sure they were not a paedophile. And I do feel that in situationswhee she will be in contact with "strangers" (school, clubs etc) the system of checks they have on these people should be sufficient.

Prufrock - wives, children, mothers do not know their sons/daughters/husbands etc.. are children - how do you expect to 'know'???

Well said Boe.

Tissy yes I would lock them up for life for even looking. Ok thinking about it not much can be done. IMO degrees of severity is SHITE, a paedophiles aim is to abuse children whether by looking or touching and taking the innocence out of children.
Yes prisons will be overcrowded as they already are and why is that? Could it be because the Govt is not tackling crime strong enough.That criminals are treated better than the victims.

That's the point, Boe, you never will... the dangerous ones are the ones who have never been convicted of anything.

Not sure I undersatnd your question Boe - but I presume you are referring to abuse by trusted people (our own FIL's etc). But if nobody knows, you can't be outed. If an abuser keeps the abuse secret then there can be no vigilante action, naming and shaming etc. That can only happen if somebody has been accused and convicted. And I would really hope taht I would know if anybody I was close enough to to trust with my daughter had been to court.

If you were locked up for thinking about something then we would all be locked up. I would have murdered several people by now.

Decent people know the difference between thinking about something and doing it. They use reason. They use conscience and responsibility before actually doing anything.

I don't think thinking is a crime. It's only an abstract point anyway, cos no one can know what someone else is thinking. Although I have managed to convince my dh otherwise by using logic

I agree there is nothing we can do about the ones who have not been convicted - but I do not believe well meaning relatives, the police or the government have any right to hold back information about stuff as serious as this, if someone is convicted there should be a register that is public knowledge - they should also make harrassement of people on this list a serious breach of the peace - fines/short sentances etc.. our need to know is a higher priority than the safety of these pieces of scum.

Boe totally agree with your views. Tatoo them on their forehead. If you dont want people to know.then dont do it!

Boe why should I be fined or a short sentence for telling the truth about a person in our neighbourhood who does or has done nasty, vile acts. If I or anyone else wants to shout nonce at him when he passes, why cant we?
The police never sent out any notices when he got released.It was all down to common knowledge and neighbours remembering what he did? By the way he got jailed for 9 years.

But Boe I really don't understand why such a list would help you.
The only people on such a list would be those who have been convicted
Convicted paedophiles are already not allowed in positions of responibility for kids (so no teachers/cub leaders etc)
If your FIL, dp's best mate etc had been convicted, wouldn't you know about that anyway?
If the nice smiley man who moved into the house from 3 doors away wasn't on the list, would you really let your dd be anywhere alone with him anyway?

Because doormat, eventually the paedophile gets police protection... maybe even relocated... all at the taxpayers expense.

Because the resulting publicity makes people complacent about people who aren't convicted.

Because convicted paedophiles will eventually go underground where they can't be traced and the police can't check up on them.

I really don't understand how such behaviour helps anyone, except perpetuating a cycle of hatred that your children learn is acceptable to vent at anyone you so choose.

prufrock - you've said it all for me - I'm definitely with you on this one.

Hi Secret,
there's a difference between "knowing" and "not knowing".
i agree, if you don't know who these offenders are how on earth do you protect your children short of baracading them in the house!!

But if you "know" who these offenders are you don't have anything to do with them, leave your children unattended nesr them etc...
I would avoid your FIL like the plague. If I lived in his street I wouldn't let my children out of the garden unsupervised. I would warn them too to keep away from him.
I'm afraid I couldn't/wouldn't believe he was reformed.

Doormat I would have them burnt at the stake - but people are not told as they would take action - if people knew but could be trusted not to persecute them (the law should do that apparently) then I think maybe we would be told when one lives or works near us.

Prufrock - I used to visit a nice smiley guy who lived up the road from my grandmas house - he had loads of animals and looked like Johnny Morris - god I look back now and think what could have happened - what if when your daughter is 10 she is out with a friend just in the neighbourhood and a guy drags them into the house or asks them to come and look at something, his daughter in law may know but does not want to be persected so has not told anyone - a split second could destroy their innocence.

GeorginaA thats what it is all about protecting the criminal and not the victim. Just so they can go about their business without being harassed. In my eyes that is wrong.