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Cooking with aubergines

134 replies

ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 16:44

And here we are! I don't know if anyone will join in or not, but if anyone does, I have a little rant I would like to get off my chest!

How's that for tempting

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/06/2010 16:45

??
i hate aubergines, does that help?

ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 16:48

I have ballsed this up haven't I!

It is actaully going to be a support thread for people who have had run-ins with SS, so that we can stop hijacking other people's threads and upsetting everyone. The idea was to make a thread title without that in it, quite a random/boring one, so that no-one would click IYSWIM.

I think you get a prize, SPB

OP posts:
StayFrosty · 17/06/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 16:54

Shoot ISNT , we're all ears.
I was very offended by some of the posts. especially being told i was doing damage. but mamazon did have a point. i'm not sure my postings help anyone. i convince no one. and i can't seem to get over what has happened to me. my friend said that maybe counselling will help. she said that there was no possible way to put a positive spin on in, at mamazon had suggested. but i am all ears too, for any advice, any of you are prepared to give me. however harsh. i think i can take it.
its got so bad. with ds1's behaviour, which is how this all started that dh and i both are so worn down that we don't love ds1 anymore. and that is so very very sad. don't want anyone to pity me and post a . would just appreciate helpful advice.

so ISNT, the floor is yours. what do you want to post ?

ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 17:09

Oh sorry stayfrosty

I have really bungled this one haven't I.

Oblomov, I think that it will be a good tihng for us all to talk on here. I really do think that people will benefit from "debriefing", like after a difficult birth, it's traumatic and you need to talk it through. And of course with this SS stuff, many don't have anyoen outside the family to talk to about it all, as they haven't told them. I have only told 2 close friends and of course I can talk to DH, but it's not the same as a sympathetic ear from someone who has been there.

Having said all that I'm just about to dish up a roast chicken, and so will have to save my rant for a bit later (don't get excited it's not that interesting!).

It's nice to see you here Oblomov, I hope that through sharing this stuff we can all find a way to stop beign so angry.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 17/06/2010 17:13

agree

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 17:15

only my mum. and a closest friend know. not exactly something you want to advertise. i was refered to ss and accused of abusing my child. yeah, like lets tell the world. so embarassing.

StealthPolarBear · 17/06/2010 18:08

oh sorry
StayFrosty - do you want to join me on a realt aubergine-related support thread?
And anyone else with aubergine issues of course

ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 18:10

Right I'm back

That was lush, even if I say so myself.

The thing I remembered the other day was this (and it got me all stirred up again).

It was a little thing, and it sounds silly.

Anyway, when the SW was here, and we were having our talk, at one point towards the end, she said the following. "I don't care how much you drink TBH, you can go out and have as many drinks as you want, as long as it doesn't affect the children".

It occured to me the other day, that to say that to someone who had given up drinking completely, and had referred themselves for assistance, was a bit unsupportive. To put it mildly. She knew that I hadn't had a drink for about 6 weeks at that point, and she knew that my plan was to abstain from alochol completely. I had told her all about it in answering her questions prior to that point.

Remembering that made me feel angry all over again.

For any lurkers who may be there I decided I was drinking too much, in the evenings, after the children had gone to bed, and when my DH was here, who has never been much for the booze and would have one glass (if that) to keep me company. I decided to stop as I realised that it was a slippery slope, and that at the moment it was only myself I was risking, but that could change later. I decided to stop and did, and (as I do things "properly") went to the GP. I asked him if there were any support services to access, he gave me a number. I called them, they said I wasn't drinking enough, they said they would refer me somewhere else. The somewhere else rang about a month later, I said that I was fine and that I didn't think I needed any support after all, and thanks for the call. They asked me a few questions which I answered honestly and cheerfully. None of what I said was cause for concern, as it was teh situation I have described above. An hour later they phoned back and said they had reported me to SS as my children were at serious and immediate risk of harm. So there you have it.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 18:11

I might come on the real aubergine thread. I don't like them really, and would be keen to find some new "ways with aubergines".

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 18:13

Should also add that all the support I actually needed was a wonderful group of people here on MN who are just wonderfully wonderful

OP posts:
MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 18:15

Just nipping in to says cheers ISNT for getting round to starting this thread. I happen to loathe aubergines

Be along to join in properly after bath time.

ImSoNotTelling · 17/06/2010 18:26

Hmmm I wonder if there is a loathing aubergines connection here somewhere

See you in a bit milady

OP posts:
Oblomov · 17/06/2010 18:59

ISNT I was thinking about the thread title. maybe we need something like "angry becasue wrongly refered". no mention of ss. actually i don't want sw'ers coming to the thread. becasue they would be understandably cross. but i think we do need some help. some input from outsiders. maybe a counsellor. to help us get over this. get rid of the anger.
what do you think ?

ladysybil · 17/06/2010 19:19

hmmm, i dont think you should be so upset. ANYONE can report anyone to social services or the nspcc for anything, and it needs to be followed up. at a charity i work for, there was amother having a really seriously hard time with life and she was unfortunately not handling her three year old very well. the charity was dealing with it all, but someone else saw her have an episode, (she lost her temper at the child and walked out from the toilet, he ran after her, crying for her, trousers round his ankles, hugging her knees and crying. she ignored him.) it was horrible to watch, but the thing is, she was dealing with the situation and getting help. this person reported her, and we all had to go along to case conferences for the next year. the actual help was still given by the charity i am involved in. theonly thing the report acheived was lots and lots of paperwork. it may be possible that the social worker meant something along those lines when you spoke with her.
anyways, well done for recognising a problem before it became one, and doing something about it.

MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 19:32

at that social worker ISNT!

I only spoke to one briefly when he was telling me that the case was being closed and that I wouldn't receive a letter saying so or how long (if at all) anything would stay on file.

But something he said made me it was probably a joke but was said in such a stern manner:

"Well that's it and you'll just have to hope you never hear from me again"

He sounded like a headmaster. Wouldn't mind so much if I had done anything wrong. Grrrr...

MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 19:37

Oblomov, input from outsiders sounds good. And I do understand how difficult it is to find RL support. I told a playgroup Mum earlier (known her a few months and she knows all about dd and her medical condition) and she didn't really say anything.

Probably thinking "no smoke without fire"

The thing is, if you don't know about the injustices done, and sadly MN is a good source, what are people supposed to think?

Until it happens to them.

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 19:42

thanks ladysbil. do you think she's right ladies. should be not be that narked at being accused of abusing our children ?
talking of the lady she describes, in the toilet, i don't think that whta she describes is THAT BAD. what does that say about me ?

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 19:47

Milady, no one really cares about the injustice. they only care thta children need to be protected. which even we agree is right. no one understands me - oh woe is me thta sounds terrible when you type it. but seriously no one gives a shit.
when we were on the other thread and ISNT wrote down the list, when someone said ': lack of confidence, sacred of authorities etc etc. god, that touched a nerve with me. i felt like someone else knew how i felt.
but no one really cares , do they ?

MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 19:49

No it wasn't that bad IMO

"we all had to go along to case conferences for the next year"

MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 19:53

Sorry was responding to your previous post.

No, nobody knows or cares.

I'm now utterly terrified of dd having any sort of accident and have already cancelled a party at soft-play which she was due to go to. Not a chance of her playing out with her friends and having the freedom a ten year old should have this summer either.

But you know, these things don't matter.

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 19:53

or they think we're over-reacting. remember when one poster told us we were selfish. and it had clouded our judgment. really. no shit sherlock. it hasn't ? really. so traumatic. and then mamazon came on telling me i really shouldn't post on these threads case i damage someone elses view. or similar.
you've got to be kidding me. but what i've just typed only goes to show that this is far too raw.

i can't seem to get over it. or put a positive spin on it. i talked about that to my friend today. which is why she said she couldn't think of one either. hoping that mamazon or some counsellor will come on this thread and tell me how i can.

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 19:59

milady that so sad. and wrong. canceling party. we know we shouldn't let it affect us. but it does. how do we stop this ?

Oblomov · 17/06/2010 20:08

ISNT, do you think this thread will do us any good. i mean us 3, or i'm trying to think of the few others that we have come across, over the last year or so,that have been damaged in t he same way. does wallowing do us any good ? as mamazon said, i've posted on many threads. try to convince no one. if you had someone on mn being attachment parenting and tried to convince them to go to Gf. it doesn't achieve anything does it.
if you try and convince someone that going to a stag do doesn't hurt anyone or their relationship. it doesn't really convert anyone. they still stand by what they originally thought. so who are we trying to kid here ?

MiladyDeScorchio · 17/06/2010 20:15

It's a little party for my niece who is three. But a three year old might kick her in the face or something. That sort of thinking is sad and wrong.

I don't think there are any positives either. It makes me sick to be so confronted with the possibility of someone harming dd in that way and sicker to realise there are people out there thinking it might have been us for even a tiny amount of time.

Maybe put a shout out in chat for Mamazon or in relationships for a counsellor? It's early days for this thread though, we might have all come a long way in a few weeks

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