Is it possible to be fulfilled as a SAHM

[Prufrock]

Without getting all "self-actualised" , is there anybody who does actively enjoy being a SAHM, and if so, how can I?

It's not that I'm unhappy. I recognise that I am very lucky to have been able to make the choice to stay at home with my kids, and wouldn't change that choice. Working would be horrendous given the pressures of the only type of job I would enjoy doing as I'm kind of an all or nothing type person. But I am finding it quite difficult to get any real pleasure from being with my children all day.

We have a fairly full routine - toddler groups, classes, play dates. And I have a good "mummy" friend locally whose company I like. But whilst our days are pleasant, I can't say I really enjoy them - more like endure them. It feels like every activity I do with the kids is just done to tick of another hour before bedtime, and every day is just got through so I can tick of another day until the weekend. Then the weekend arrives, and it's not actually that special, and soon enough it's the beginning of another week......

I feel like I am coping very well with life as a SAHM - but I don't want to be coping. I want to be waking up each morning looking forward to spending another day with my two wonderful children, who I do love to bits. But insteadI get woken up each morning and I think "Ok, 12 hours to go, lets start filling them".

Please tell me - well something. I'm not sure if I do want to hear that this is normal and tha all over the country there are other women feeling like me, counting down the hours until their children are grown. But I'm also not sure if I want to hear that there is something wrong with me....

other plus factors:
wearing what I want
going to the gym all morning
flexible work patterns
procrastination
chore-free weekends

Lima: those are luxuries that MANY of us will NEVER have! I'm never going to have a time when my children are not at home and I'm NOT working.

Too right MP - SAHM is a doddle once the kids are off your hands for a few hours

Since becoming a SAHD, I can honestly say that I don't miss any part of working at all. I was in IT in the City of London for 10 years, working for the huge international banks. I feel much more fulfilled getting a smile or a small babble from my dd, than I ever got from colleagues or staff at work. And that includes the sailing trip to the West Indies that I won as engineer of the year.

crossed posts

I?ve only just read through this thread and was very impressed by some of the things that were said. I have been thinking a lot about the whole thing and wanted to contribute my thoughts, even though I doubt anyone will be revisiting this thread to read it!
Prufrock, I completely empathize with how you have been feeling. I was up and down a lot, mostly down, due to boredom, tedium, and grief over the loss of my old life and the old ?me?. Having a boyfriend who isn?t my (nearly 2 year old) dd?s father and who I don?t live with (therefore not playing ?father? either ? though I don?t want him to, yet) didn?t help me because I felt I needed to continue to be the old ?me? in order to keep him (we met before I had my dd, got together before I found out I was pregnant but he stuck with me?isn?t he amazing?) .
A month or so ago something clicked in me and I have been happy and content ever since. Touch wood this feeling lasts? I think the main thing that changed in me was that I realized that what was holding me back from being completely happy with my new life and a new me as a mum, was my reluctance to accept that my life had changed and that I was changing too. I always knew I had to accept what I had lost, but hadn?t made the next step to accept the new life.

As a parent, anything that comes after having children has to fit in with your new life. You and I will no doubt work again, but it won?t be in the self-defining way it was before. But that?s in the future, and we don?t need to worry about it yet ? it?ll fit into our lives when it does happen.

Another reflection I had is that because raising kids isn?t a ?job? and we don?t get paid for it ? it is our life ? I think we expect that we should be 100% happy doing it, and that we should have full control over what we do with our day. Someone said somewhere on this thread, we forget that when we were working there was a hell of a lot of tedium and drudgery involved then too. I agree, but when I was working, I could relax (to a certain extent!) at work when I wasn?t enjoying it because at least I had the rest of the time to enjoy myself. Our private lives, social lives etc, took place outside work hours without difficulty, but as a SAHM, actually as any type of mother, it is difficult to even lead the rest of your life outside those ?work hours? because of having to organize babysitters etc! Being a mum is 24/7.

I think we have to accept that life with our kids won?t all be fun and games and joyful, but to treasure those moments that are. Besides, I also realized, I could spend the next 15 years of my life being miserable and wishing my life was otherwise, or I could throw myself into enjoying the time with my daughter and not be miserable. Easier said than done, but that message to myself has eventually got through!

With regards to needing results and affirmation, there?s no easy answer to that. But I will say that I felt I needed to moan and complain and find everything hard because our ?jobs? as a mother (and I don?t really like using the word ?job? for what we do) really isn?t recognized as being real hard work and really valuable, at least not as much as it should be! I felt I had to let everyone know how hard it is! Even some of this thread has frustrated me ? even us as mothers aren?t aware of the fact that what we do is the most important thing that can be done for society. We are raising the next generation, and this society?s future depends on the work that we as parents do now! We have to learn to believe in ourselves.

A book I can recommend you read which really helped me affirm what I was doing is What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen.

thought i would resurrect this thread, i was searching for more FAB routine and meal planning advice from Prufrock and landed here. It is lovely and welcoming
i worked outside the home for almost 20 years before we had children currently DD 3.6 yrs and DS 13 months. I went back to work briefly after DD was born but had childcare issues so stopped. We did bounce and rhyme and Jo Jingles for a while and now DD is at pre-school two mornings (soon to be two days, can't face the idea of sending her all day every day yet )she is so bright every day is 12 hours mental gymnastics, trying to find the right thing to say to get through the "but i want","i need", not doing as asked and always trying to have the last word or negotiating!! I often dread when they wake in the afternoon, just want a few minutes more to myself!!!! dont know if it's because DH and i are the kind of people who were always happy in our own company or if it is that DD is the most gregarious person i ever knew! i continually make lists that never get completed and have every time management/meal planning/how to look after children book/website under the sun!!!
the house is a tip, i can't remember even the simplest thing and we are always staring at the fridge at teatime. i use the time when they nap to do "me" things lists,internet etc., cause i am too tired to do it when they are in bed at night.
used to be a pharmacy technician in previous life and was very consciencious with accuracy obviously, (no-one wants someone else's medication!), i imagine that makes me frustrated that things are not just right now.

thanks for listening...
is there anyone else like me who has got out of the rut?