MN Little Italy 14

[Penthesileia]

Ciao, welcome!

Thanks girls!

I do use a childminder when I need and we do go out quite regularly the two of us.

The way I see it is this: he works a lot for us outside the home and I do the same inside. So imho we both deserve a break, whatever that might be for each of us e.g. working in the garage, sleeping on the sofa, watch tv at weekend, go swimming etc for him; read a book, being on my own in my own house etc for me!

Maybe that's exactly what I should say to him.

Yes, I agree. But it was tricky for us to find a way in which we could both relax during the weekend. Partly it was my fault, as I couldn't relax in bed (when it was my turn for a lie in) if I heard ds crying downstairs. Control freak that I am .

I am watching and you knowing thinking it is so true . Pippi I am so sorry that you have been crying about it all but maybe this is the turning point and your dh sounds as if he is a good guy - even willing to take teh dds etc and the fact you have childcare possibilities use them - decide what you would like to do and by when and go for it ! .. My problem is that when Minirosa is not so dependant on me bf pm etc what the heck do I do ?- I have no outside interests whatsoever here - you might think it mad but just going for a walk from March - October is so much of a hassle - tourists , queues etc . My older friends do not have children and I feel I just don't have so much in common with them anymore- they have work / careers - I have children. Boh I guess I will have to find something in teh future or I will go mad - well I could go to Pilates again ( highly social - Not !!!!)
Went and voted.( of course for Berlusca ) bloody Italy - They moved the voting hall - a note taped to the door so I had to go in a circle to get to the new one and it was on the effin secoind floor with a lift out of the arc - like I am NOT going in there so unstrapped MR and up we trundled- DD1 was very good and so I voted one handed with dd trying to catch the curtain !
DH on his way back -storms are rumbling round so I don't know if to try and go for a walk or just let dd watch cartoons !!!!

oh, pippi, hope you feel better soon. I understand what you mean about both of you deserving a break etc, but going to work "outside" breaks the monotonia of housework, so in a way your DH gets a "break" (at least that's how I feel s.times, even though I don't want to go back IYKWIM). you should just take it in turn like you both get half a day of me-time at w-end, or s.thing. Rosa, I'm in the same boat, the only friends with kids, well, they're kind of disappeared, my BF doesn't have kids so different lifestyle and circle of friends, so we're really alone here. have really been going on about moving back recently, I know that it'll be hard, but I feel I'm going insane being here without family and friends, you know, I can't say, oh, I'll just pop in so and so for a coffee and a chat, or let's go out for a pizza with friends etc...

Oh Camo! I felt the same in the first yrs in the UK! I felt terribly lonely, and only in the last 2 yrs of my life there I felt I had friends I could meet just because!

Rosa, you vote English parties for UE, vero?

No - Italian ones . As I am registered residente here Ican vote for European , Regionale and sindaco but not the general ones.
I should vote for the generals etc via proxy or whatever but I have never got round to it !

ohhhh, goodness, cannot believe what women/mums still put up with, bleahhh!

sorry if missed something, but damon can you ask dh if you can have a day off at the weekend on a regular basis, and him too? he should not refuse that, no?

i exploded with dp this evening when i came back from my outhing with the kids, lots of shouting on both parts in front of the baby, luckily ds was watering the plants...then i realised i had my period, so of course he is going to think it is my period making me moody, rather than the hell of housework...to be honest he had done the rubbish and the dishwasher, but still felt like hollering because of the inequality of chores..so happy ds did not hear...it is a pain with kids you cannot have rows in peace...

LOL at "then i realised i had my period, so of course he is going to think it is my period making me moody, rather than the hell of housework..." so so true!!!

McC yes I could do all this practical arrangements, and we will, but in my sick De Beauvoire head I'd have thought that it should be unnecessary. If I ask I get but why should I ask? It is my right no? One has to ask for a day off at the flipping age of 35? My young me would have vomited after disown me!

off to watch the apprenntice in a minute.

LOL at "then i realised i had my period, so of course he is going to think it is my period making me moody, rather than the hell of housework..." so so true!!!

McC yes I could do all this practical arrangements, and we will, but in my sick De Beauvoire head I'd have thought that it should be unnecessary. If I ask I get but why should I ask? It is my right no? One has to ask for a day off at the flipping age of 35? My young me would have vomited after disown me!

off to watch the apprenntice in a minute.

yes, i am hiding my sanitary pads! don't want him to know.......

off to see Mio fratello e' figlio unico - we have a new dvd player, hurrah!!!

at having a night with scamarcio mccloud

Ohhhhh - is that the book/film about one brother a communist, the other right-wing (or something like that? - why am I too lazy even to Google to find out?... ). Is the famous, franca-beloved "Scamy" in it? (I love this nickname - since it sounds like someone pulling a scam! )... I must watch it... Should I read the book first?

Pippi - hope you are ok.

I liked it! The movie, not Scamarcio.

We had a big row in the end which seemed to have resolved nothing. DH gets all defensive and starts throwing things back (arguments and mainly overinflated very old situations not physical things I haste to add), are they all like that?
So now I am not sure how it will get resolved. Not sure he got my point. I have said all I have said to you:
that I feel I am not appreciated, that we both should deserve treats often and everyday because we both 'work' albeit in different ways, that it can be that a day out to buy the kids clothes, or a sat spent at a children party or a trip to hairdresser with dd is considered a treat.

He reckoned it would have been better to make up without discussing it as it makes it worse so now is upset because we had an argument .

I am not as upset inside anymore because I have let it out but I do believe everything I said and I do want changes and I think I deserve more in general, even an apology tbh for fucking up my birthday! I am not going to accept that booking a restaurant and buying smthing is a big deal, is basic stuff. And the fact I never get what I want which is a family thing: surprise from dds and them singing with a cake. We only did cake and candle this evening, it was almost forgotten . I cried .

Blymey how on and on can I go with this. ENOUGH!!!!!!!

Yasmina wao, Sputnik, she was my old time favourite.

Yes, my darling scamy plays the communist brother.

Oh dear Pippi. But I think I'd have instigated a big litigio as well, as at least I let everything out.

Agree that booking a restaurant & buying a nice present is not a big deal. It is what should happen on someone's birthday. No-one should be congratulated for doing that, although, of course, they can be thanked, IYSWIM.

Pippi, I really think you would do well to write all this down, clearly and in order. Write down what you do, ie. why what you do is work (actually, there's a book about that, maybe that would help... Here it is. Maybe it could give you some "ammo"?). Then you need to write down how you feel your DH gets more "him" time than you (e.g at the weekends you end up working by default). Also, write down how it would be the things the DD do which make a day special, rather than anything else. Etc.

Ok, don't want to go on myself. Basta, sorry.

yes and the PMS didn;t help in feeling miserable (not in being the cause of it). You might be able to hide it McC but dh has used it as a crap useless more infuriating-- backfiring weapon!

anyway to talk about more interesting stuff I saw you on the euro election poll. You know what's scary? those quite a few who have asked me who I voted for (labour) were genuinely shocked, as if I've said BNP ! Lots have not bothered and another lots seem to go for Conservatives, even the young ones. boh.

I think he got it but will see. btw he knows I like the simple things with the dds because that's what he likes too, and gets!

btw to be fair he did say that rest and pres and haird are not big deals.
I think it's lazyness more than general not caring. although not as bad the end result is misery for both of us.

bastaaaaa please. let's forget my dh now!

returning to euro election thread, everytime someone mention immigration problem I get cramps in my stomach.

It's all too depressing, really (EU elections, I mean!).

I was saying to a friend today that when the Conservatives win the next election, as they look sure to, they will instantly bring in all kinds of swingeing cuts "money-saving initiatives" in public services, etc., and blame the recession/economy and previous Labour government for these measures; yet, in fact, they will simply be following typical Conservative policy, ie. they would have done all that anyway. They will, however, be able to conceal, or dress it up, as "necessary" economic measures, and thus look somehow more "acceptable" and friendly to the voting public. I think they'll win the next 2 elections.

Makes me depressed & cross.

am with you with the depression. Definitely think we are due for 10 years of Tory rule minimum. Am very depressed with how many young people are swinging back to Torys and how voting Labour has become a dirty word. Reminds me of my teenage years when I was a lone Labour voice from a sole Labour family in my nice middle class school. Never thought we'd go back to that but I guess the truth is Britain is at heart a Conservative country and always will be. I may have to stop watching the news when the election happens as I really can't bear to hear Cameron talk about saving Britain as he destroys the public sector.
We went to the zoo yesterday , it was lovely, ds was soooo excited spent all the time charging from one animal to another, must have run miles and STILL didn't sleep til late. I have given up with him, the child just doesnt seem to need to sleep.
Pippi, hope you are feeling better today

How many elections threads are running on MN? I've been on quite a few . Of course I'm in an even sorrier situation as I vote in Italy.
I haven't dared checking the Italian papers yet, but I read on yahoo that berlusconi is down (good), pd is down (not so good) the lega is up ( etc).
I voted PD at the end, despite thinking that its opposition has been pathetic in the last year. And their battaglie di potere (I blame D'Alema) inside the party are even more pathetic. But I can't physically vote anything else.

Pippi sorry I disappeared yesterday night. If that makes you feel a bit better, I wouldn't think that everyone takes the restaurant and present for granted. My dh has never done that, and I'd appreciate it a lot

gio, is there a zoo in rome? i am envious.....

very good Mio fratello e figlio unico, was it based on a book? Of course franca you were on my mind, you can have Scamarcio, I will gladly take Elio Germano (caruccio assai). Goodness the violence within that family was so common in many families in the 70s down my way.

Have been told the new Archibugi is good, of course it will never come here..do you girls in Italy get a chance to go to the cinema? Here it has become so expensive, but it is something else i need to include in my list of things to do to improve my state of mind, i love watching movies during a weekday....i would love to do it in an italian cinema...

Pippi will call you after feeding dd..

Yes do that McC, I was going to try but we seem to be missing eachother. I'm on my own on thursday till 3ish if you want to meet up maybe in the west end...

oh, yes, just checked with dp! brill. off to check what is on at the npg, ng, photographers gallery, etc, etc! west end here we come, hurrah!
i am actually singing Freedom to myself!

pippi and damon on thursday

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS9wXSiEhRk