MN Little Italy 14

[Penthesileia]

Ciao, welcome!

Ooooooooooooh she's a gemini . I love gemini!

Why is he so intransigent do you think? Is he a perfectionist?

Bingo! Total and utter perfectionist. To the detriment of himself and others.

Yes, she is. I'd forgotten that! I can never remember what star signs go when. I only remember I am a leo!

penthe! good luck in finding the perfect DH-approved nanny! though I guess I'd be careful about the driving too, as I already am when it comes to my Dsis!!

pippi, I had to get Davina, was getting a bit depressed about the wobbly legs but too lazy to go to the gym. it' is quite good, though I've only done it twice (third round due tomorrow morning, taking it easy to begin with after all these years of doing nothing)) and only the "supersculp" workout (well, she says it's the quickest way of getting toned and don't think I'm quite ready for the superpump bit) but so far I quite like it. anyway, how's DD?

managed to get a bit of a tan just hanging the washing outside today, oh, I love this weather, but it won't last... so lovely having DD in just a nappy and t-shirt, those chunky "eat-me" thighs are so loooooovely! and DS is getting so dark!

Camo, I'm impressed by your workouts. And glad to hear the weather is friendly, I used to love "hot" days in the UK!

Penthe, ouch, perfectionists aren't easy, are they? But trying to be a perfectionist with regards to a child is a lost battle imho and ime.

Sorry I pressed Send by mistake.
I'm sure he'll "relax" a bit once he has found the "right" nanny. Tis easier to be "uptight" with an imaginary person. Do you think he'd loosen up a bit if he "did more" childcare?

A total lost battle. But he Just Will Not See This. And no, I'm scared he won't loosen up...

E.g. he cannot understand that a toddler (as DD is now, effectively) is going to bump themselves, often on their head, on a fairly regular basis. He basically thinks I should be able to prevent DD banging her head at all times, and if I don't, it's because I'm not being careful enough. It makes me so depressed, TBH. But he can't look after her himself - I'm not joking - he just doesn't have the energy. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's true. He can't cope with a baby/toddler, I think. I'm hoping it'll be easier when she doesn't need such constant supervision. So even if I say, "ok, you look after her then, if you're so great", he can't.

Camo - I know what you mean about the thighs!

Bloody hell sweetheart, that sounds hard work . But yes, you are right, some people are really over protective with babies/toddlers and then go on thriving with small children.
Have got to go to bed as dh is away and tomorrow I have the whole school prep x 2 on my own... I tell you, I morph into a lunatic as it usually takes ds 15 mins to get dressed (shorts and a tshirt)

Oh yes camo, the eat me thighs. OOOOOOoooo so cute!

'night

Yes, feeling a bit weary, TBH. Love DD with all my heart, so it's not about that... But the longest I have been away from her all year has been 1 hr to have an eye test, I think. And even that I had to hurry back from as some crisis arose in my absence, and DD and DH were both (well, only DD really ) in hysterics when I returned... I need a break... I need this super-nanny out there somewhere!

Notte tutte.

penthe, on the apprentice a couple of weeks ago they had a helmet for babies/toddlers, maybe he'll be happy with that...

Camo! You think you're joking, but DH saw this and came and told me we should get one. I kid you not.

Don't know whether to or !

Penthe poor you, it's stressful enough sorting childcare without these extra demands! DP (usually lefty liberal easy going type) insisted that the only person he would consider for ds's childminder would be a middle aged Italian lady, ideally from the nice middle class area where he was raised. By some miracle we found her otherwise ds would have no childminder as there was absolutely no compromise with him. I hope you find someone that reassures him. When do you start the search?
Camo very impressed re Davinia. How long do the toning exercises take?
Franca am re weekends in the country- I would love to have somewhere to go to get out of the city at weekends in the summer. Ideally a nice little apartment with terrace and sea view......[daydream emocion]

Hi Penthe, sorry to hear you are so stressed out. Don't blame you.
I've got a friend in italy, a dad, who is exactly like that super over protective and worries etc. Fact is is not with the children because he works so tough. His mum looks after the children and is very relaxed - he calls her a million times. They worry because they do not spend enough time with them to relax and to see that it is impossible to avoid everything and that some incidents are good - teaching a lesson for example. I also think that it is a question of learning to let go and that no matter how much you do you cannot protect them 100% and that, imho, from the minute they exist it is their life not ours.
Re bumping of head - my poor dd2 has bumped her head a zillion of times more than dd1 and that's because she plays games with a 3yo and because I have less time. The amount of times she has fallen from the bed/sofa for example...

What I do not think is right though is someone setting the rule for someone elses. For example your DH being so apprehensive and never wanting to leave dd but then throwing the weight of this decision on your shoulder. It is also not fair because it put lots of guilt on your shoulders. if he wants 100% care he should be able to give it, if he can't he cannot pretend it from anybody else. And trust me he will have to relax: soon you won't be there, dd will go to preschool/nursery, school, playdates on her own, ...boyfriends

penthe you need to have time on your own or you'll go mad in the long run, really.

DD's fine thanks.

Franca I do the preschool thing everyday and I do not know how I do not lose it tbh. It's such a stress.

Hi gio, hi Pippi. Ugh, gio - if DH could prescribe exactly like that, he would, I think...

You're so right, Pippi. I know all this. And, in a way, he knows all this. But he seems unable to change his responses. Thing is, he had a really shitty childhood (not to excuse anything, just to explain it). PIL are total loons, I'm afraid (violent to each other and their children, both emotionally & physically - less so now that they're elderly and haven't the energy anymore). So DH is going way out the other direction: totally besotted with DD and desperate that she never come to harm. It's just not compatible with life...

TBH, I don't know how I've managed this year without time for myself. I get moments when I think I'm going to go nuts, but they pass like waves, IYSWIM. I think if DD had been a grizzly baby, or had colic, I would've been in serious trouble. Thankfully, although she's high maintenance , she's good natured. As it is, I've just taken her with me doing the things that relax me (book shopping, etc.). I knew before she was born that we didn't have anyone around us (family, etc.) who would help; and DH would never consider leaving her with PIL when they are here (see family history above ); my dad is 400 miles away, so only appears on flying visits. And as you can imagine, DH hasn't been enthusiastic about finding a babysitter or similar. So I guess I realised early on that it was me until I go back to work full-time.

Gosh, I sound very sorry for myself, and I'm not, really. It's generally fine. But moments come when it feels a bit much.

Anyway, DD is 1 today!!!!!!!!!!! Wow. Cannot believe it. We're having a toy house delivered today (she loves the one on display in John Lewis). Can't wait to put it up in our new garden!

Penthe, hope you really reach a good compromise, it'll be so hard otherwise. I think all dads are more overprotective towards their daughters, but he really needs to realise that it's impossible to avoid all bumps and bruises, I'm sure he's had his fair share when he was growing up, like everyone! (am now imagining Mr Penthe like De Niro in Meet the parents... poor boys ). anyway, DP's not even considering childcare, he's going back to work part time to avoid it alltogether! we might have found a baby sitter he'd approve of, though, his ex-colleagues, she's really lovely, so we might finally get one night out (in saying that, though, I'd never leave DCs alone with FIL, and only left them with MIL because they were already asleep...)

gio, the workouts are about 40mins each (there are 2 plus a 10 min extra I think), so just right for DD's nap and after-nap chat.

hmm, can understand him better now... I'm sure he'll soon realise the opposite is not necessarily better though...

Happy birthday miniP!!

Thanks, Camomilla.

I know DH would also go part-time, even take a year off, if he could a) actually physically manage to look after DD (which he can't) and b) we could afford it (which we can't, really). The spirit is willing, and all that.

The De Niro analogy is probably all too real!

Happy 1st birthday mini penthe!

Penthe hope you all have a lovely day

Pippi, I always do the school prep (do you think dh would remember ds's merenda, for instance? ), but it's usually dh who takes ds to school on his way to work, leaving me anotehr 20% to get washed before I walk dd to scuola materna... when it's just me I usually don't have the time to wash... as I'm too lazy to wake up before the dc

20%? I meant 20 minutes.

We had another offer on a flat turned down. I'm fuming

Havo to go and take dd to swimming lessons

happy birthday mini Penthe!
Pippi very well put. I'm sure men are like this because they feel like they should be around protecting their dcs but in reality are too busy with work/life /friends/band (in my overgrown teenager dps case ) to do it so they get rid of the guilt by saying their piece and discharging all responsibilty onto us!

Happy Birthday Mini Penthe .. A toy house how lovely !! Sorry about your dh woes - I remember when dd 1 fell and broke her collar bone he was fuming with me - he never said it but I knew it then when she fell and banged her head - in his care it sort of balanced out.
Franca sorry about your offer they were obviously not willing to sell or are calling your bluff seeing if you will up the offer.
Gop Follonica I have only heard positive things about the Tuscan coast and the bits I know I like !
Busy busy here I seem to be racing round. Mind you I have made a hair appt for Friday - Dh is going rafting with the boys for the weekend so it is credit I think- I need it as I will be grey by Sunday !

We love the flat but it's horrendously overpriced. So we made a "cheeky" offer. Cheeky, yes, but still over what the real price should be . Boohoo it was a lovely flat. Greedy!!!!

Gosh, I might have a talk with dh, he's never been protective with the dc!

penthe yes it is more understandable now poverino .
Having said all that if my DH could have his way the DDs would be with me at all times and I will be an inch from them at all times and focused on them at all times.
He did realise very early on that that is not possible when in our previous flat dd1 fell from the table while he was in the kitchen .

You need Mary Poppins methink!

Franca shame about the flat! What next?

penthe yes it is more understandable now poverino .
Having said all that if my DH could have his way the DDs would be with me at all times and I will be an inch from them at all times and focused on them at all times.
He did realise very early on that that is not possible when in our previous flat dd1 fell from the table while he was in the kitchen .

You need Mary Poppins methink!

Franca shame about the flat! What next?

No idea what will be next. There isn't much popping up in the area we want. And prices don't seem to be going down, here. Most things are overpriced crap. I realized that the really nice ones (say a good compromise location/casa d'epoca/not on a too busy road/size) are ££££ and more ££££. And a bit more ££££

I still think you should leave him in charge of dd Penthe. Start with an 1 and build up from it. Only then he'll understand how hard it is/how you need a break/how children don't need "perfection" and can survive with other people.
Sorry, I know I sound patronizing and I know I shouldn't intrude. Only you - of course - know how to work the dynamics of your couple/family. But call it sisterhood , I always feel like tifare for the woman !