Bugsy

[sykes]

For some reason I can't reply on the board on this thread (affair - is he/isn't he) and would rather converse via e-mail anyway. I'd be really happy to "talk" in this way as it's not unfamiliar territory. Please feel free to get my e-mail address from tech.

I'm quite sure you'd have lots of friends on your doorstep with their case packed if they knew that truth about why your H doesn't want to spend time with you and his children. What a good oppportunity to tell people and see how he likes being sh*t on!

knew THE truth even.......opps

Thank you all again. I have written him a long letter, going through everything point by point and I've printed out your messages for backbone stiffening.
I'm sure the holiday will be fine and I know the children will have a great time.

Good on you Bugsy!

Better still..... why don't you attach the printout to the note!?

Just so he knows that he is a SELFISH, LYING, CHEATING, MANIPULATIVE, PATHETIC SHIT that doesn't deserve to have a wife and children. I really hope they wont miss him too much. He is away most of the time anyway with his tart, so it shouldn't be too much of a wrench for them It is for you though...... you KNOW you have tried everything and you know that none of this can be your fault. You can rest easy in the knowledge that your conscience is totally clear. Have a fab holiday!

Bugsy, nothing to add to the good advice here but I just wanted to say I hope you all have as good a holiday as possible. Agree with Phillipat, he's hedging his bets and with Jimjams, tell who you like, he hasn't earned any loyalty from you.

ditto www's message, bugsy. He wants to be liked by you and everyone else, without doing a single thing to earn it, and he's even got the cheek to hedge his bets. Pure maniplution and cowardliness.

Really, after all that's happened, after finding those 18 text messages, what sort of holiday would you have if he came with you? What are the chances of it being a happy one?

FWIW, I go away for weekends with my children and minus my dh. No disrespect to my dh, but I have had some lovely times alone with my children. I am the captain of my own ship and just have me and the children to please. Bliss.

In fact I am going off this weekend without dh. I know this is different to your situation - a weekend in the UK is not like 2 weeks abroad, I am not going through a break up and my oldest is 9 years old - but I really can see where tinker is coming from.

If you think you know of anyone who would want to come with you, DO break silence and ask them. Put your needs first. Do not for ONE minute think you must put your husband's needs above yours.

Bugsy, he is messing with your head, trying to make out that it is all your fault, that you have somehow driven him in the arms of another woman. He feels guilty, so he is trying to come up with a reason to excuse his lousy behaviour. I would definitely tell all and sundry about his torrid little affair. I would have also stolen his mobile phone and shown the text messages to his parents, friends, work colleagues, etc so that they can be in no doubt about his guilt. Turn those emotions of yours into anger, right now that is the healthiest emotion you can have. You have behaved impeccably throughout all of this and have every reason to hold your head up high. Now tell the little scumbag where to go and find yourself someone who will give you the respect you deserve. AND which right-minded father would drag his children into this? Calling them "difficult" indeed! Will this man stop at nothing to achieve his sordid ends? Get angry Bugsy, get mad and get even!

hello bugsy, as others have said, i think he is trying to make you the bad guy so that he feels less bad about what he is doing. men, eh?

as far as the holiday goes, i understand you may be feeling a little apprehensive - i know i would. as others have said, try as hard as you can to get a friend or family member to accompany you (i'm sure you are doing this already).

however, i think it would be a good idea to go on your own. if nothing else, it will prove to you that you can cope with the kids on your own - i know i would be worried about this in your situation.

this is a really rubbish situation you are in. i hope you get some resolution soon.

good luck.

Bugsy, getting some geographical distance between you and this situation will help you to think straight. Go to France (with or without a friend) and just be with your children. Everything will seem easier to think about when you are far away from it. Take all your courage and just go. (Remember, nothing is forcing you to stay for the whole 2 weeks,you can come back whenever you like). Maybe think of it as a couple of days away to start with...

hi bugsie sorry to hear about your troubles,if you still like someone to go with you on holiday i have a friend in london that might want to go with you and give you a hand shes fluent in both english and french and shes great with children i could ask her if you like
hugs xx

Oh bugsy, I so feel for you. I think he is messing with your head, trying to control you, trying to have his cake and eat it. How could he expect you to like him when he is doing this to you? Saying he wants to separate? And yet wanting to hug you? and then saying you're cold and distant? That's definitely messing with your head. Plus, IMO if you are cold and distant that's perfectly normal seeing how he's treating you. Please please don't feel guilty, you've done nothing wrong. Go on holiday, have a good time, and then chuck him. Really. You'll be much better off without him.

Oh Bugsy - the biggest hug for you.

Bugsy you have had son much good advice here, but I think Rhubarbs is best. It's time to get really really angry now. Explode at him, tell everybody (Samantha's poster sticking in SATC would be satisfying but probably unwise) and then go on holiday with your kids and start to celerate your new life without an idiot to hold you back.

Is there no way you can get help out there? If you've booked through a company they can often provide cleaning or even childminding help from locals.

Dear Bugsy
I hope the fact that you haven't posted means you went on holiday. Hope you have a lovely break and get some R and R.