Bugsy

[sykes]

For some reason I can't reply on the board on this thread (affair - is he/isn't he) and would rather converse via e-mail anyway. I'd be really happy to "talk" in this way as it's not unfamiliar territory. Please feel free to get my e-mail address from tech.

So sorry to hear your news. Life is just so very very unfair at times - did you really need that sickness on top of everythign else you've coped with....

Dearest Bugsy, I can understand why you want to 'bow out' for a while, but don't forget that we're all thinking of you and hope you see happier times very soon. You sound like a lovely person! With much love and cyber support, oxo xxx

Bugsy, so hope things start gettng better for you.
tigermoth xxx

We all hope things start to look up for you Bugsy and hope that we can all help again through cyber-space soon.
Take care.

Thinking of you - lots of hugs..... Pupuce

Bugsy - you're doing great. Lots of thoughts for you. Things WILL get better.

bugsy

I think you've hit rock bottom - things can only get better whether you let him stay or kick him out. He will have messed up big time and totally realise it if he goes by which time you;ll be back on your feet and much more like the person you were before he's ground you down with his bullying tactics which I'm sure are only there to try and make him excuse himself for being a total shit. Hang on in there

Huge huge hugs Bugsy and look after yourself. Don't feel you have to wait for good news to come back - hope it helps to see so many people looking out for you For what it's worth, having btdt in similar circumstances I can understand how you're feeling and it really is that darkest before dawn thing. No matter what you decide it will get easier. Thinking of you lots
xxx

Well, I haven't really had much to say. However, he has been away (work) for 10 days now and 'phoned yesterday to say that he thinks separation may be the best option. On one level I am gutted as all my hopes and dreams of the life I thought I would have are being broken but on a more practical level, I feel relieved that we are at least moving forward - even if it is not in the direction I wanted to go in. I know that I am still not quite taking it in as a very stubborn part of me still believes that he won't acutally go through with it.
Maybe I should look at it as an opportunity to completely rethink my life because from mid-July, I will have no job, no childcare (childminder of 3.5yrs returning to home country)and no husband!
Cyber hugs to Sykes & ForestFly and any others going through something similar without blabbing all on Mumsnet, as this is a hard place to be.

Oh Bugsy, you really are on the crest of major change. I hope you can use it as an opportunity to focus on what sort of life you really want for you and your children. I'm sure you have happier times ahead. Very best of luck.

Oh Bugsy, you really are on the crest of major change. I hope you can use it as an opportunity to focus on what sort of life you really want for you and your children. I'm sure you have happier times ahead. Very best of luck.

Bugsy - I'm so happy that things are moving for you. I know it's obviously in the opposote direction as you would ideally like, but it's still forward. He's very lucky that you didn't chuck him out in the first instance!!!

He's a silly man and won't know what he's lost until he has trully lost you. Good luck for the future and I hope lots of good things happen to make you see that this is for the best. and too.

All the very best for your future lives Bugsy, whichever path you end up on in the end. We are all behind you, supporting you, wishing you well.

I probably shouldn't say this (well, you know me!) But I always feel some of your pain when reading your posts and could not imagine having everything whipped from under me like that. It must be most peoples worst scenerio and unfortunately for you its real life. Loads and loads of love and strength being emitted over the net from me to you right now, take care

bugsy, I'm so sorry that all this change has been forced on you. You are the constant one here but all those around you - your husband, you childminder and your employers - are changing the goalposts. Years ago, before children, I suddenly lost a dear boyfried and lost my job in the same month. Everything was swept from under my feet. I suddenly felt 10 years older. Eventually things did turn out for the best. I believe they always do - I'm an optimist.

I've had a weird few years myself, strange pattens of endings and beginning, lots of parallels, a feeling I am not in control of the changes but must ride them out and see what happens. I am still going through this now. I won't go into details otherwise I will be here all afternoon. I don't kmow where things will end. I feel I can make choices but also that something I can't control is propelling me onwards to - where? - I don't know. I wonder if the same will happen to you? If so, this everchanging inbetween place is not a bad place to be, I've found.

Are you looking forward to being at home in July with your children? All those summer days you can spend how you want, and with luck the weather will be kind. Take that element alone and you've got something good to think about.

Good luck with all the rest.

Thank you all. Actually, Tigermoth I'm nervous about being at home all the time with my two- particularly during the school holidays. Work has been a steady constant in my life, seen me through the ego bashing of trying to raise my two offspring etc.
DS is a 3.5yr old human dynamo with terrifying amounts of energy. I am slightly dreading the endless trips to parks, playgrounds, soft play areas etc to try and burn some of it off.
The new employment search is not going well. There is next to nothing out there in my field and the few bits and bobs I have seen, I really don't want.
I am trying hard not to be gloomy. Some days I feel very depressed, others more perky. I keep doing my Scarlett O'Hara trick: "I won't think about that now, I'll worry about it some other time" to keep the misery demons at bay - probably not very healthy but otherwise I find myself sinking deep into a very negative state of mind.

bugsy, I think it's very healthy to play the Scarlet O'hara line. Why should you worry all the time? Where will that get you?

As for the endless days with a 3.5 dynamo of a son, well, yes, I've been there myself and yes there are times when you'll be crawling up the walls. But won't it be nice not to dash off early every morning? And your time will be your own - well to some extent anyway. But IME much more so than when you're at work. And there's always leisure centre and shopping centre creches so you can claw back the odd hour or two of adult time. And it you are spending all day every day with your children, somehow you feel much less guilty if you plop them in front of a thomas the tank video while you peruse mumsnet for an hour....

I have just had a year and a bit of being a SAHM and can thoroughly recommend it. Also, will your son be at nursery for some of the time come september anyway? In our area the nursery voucher scheme means all 3 year olds get 5 free half day nursery places. I believe not all areas have this, though.

Anyway, I hope you keep posting generally and hope other doors open to you very soon.

Bugsy - am I right in assuming that you work in the Engineering sector? Project Management?

Bugsy, just want to say I am thinking of you and your children and agree with Tigermoth, there is nothing wrong with doing 'a Scarlet'...

Like Batters, I too hope that you will soon be able to look back at this and see it as the start of new and wonderful life (although I understand that it can not feel remotely like that at the moment). Good luck and best wishes, Winniex

No M2T, I work in Investor Relations.

Ah I see. Sorry Bugsy... dunno where I got that from. I hope things are getting a bit better for you.

God Tigermoth, I must be doing something very wrong as I cannot see having any time to myself with a 3.5yr old and a 1+ old. I think I must be a seriously lightweight mummy as I find my days at home with them exhausting. Mumsnet will only be possible when they are asleep or else only if I have a giant fly swatter to keep them both away from me.
At this point, I am giving myself a good telling off as keeping two small children occupied is really the least of my worries and they are the only good things in my life right now.

oh hope I'm not painting too rosy a picture of looking after two under fives. I have only ever bad to cope with one under five at a time ( 5.5 years gap between my two) but still my duo can be a lively handful.

But if the weather is kind and your park is a nice one, and you take a picnic, it won't be too bad will it? And when your children have had a runaround outside, your youngest at least will want a nap, and if your 3.5 year old is like mine, he might want to sit and watch a thomas video while you catch your breath?

And also, if you do keep them very busy outdoors during those summer days, bedtime should be easier and not too late. If you phone up your council's early years department you will hopefully get lots of info on summer events and places to go with tinies.

Probably saying things you know already inside out, since you say you look after your children alone for long stretches of time. But take work stresses and commuting out of the equation and hopefully you will feel less exhuasted when looking after your children this summer.

Bugsy, a site which might help with some bright ideas during the summer is wizziwiz it's not always up to date (certainly round here) but it gave me some new leads.

Also round here we have a weekly meeting (organised through a church but non-religious in content) for mums who need space from their toddlers (creche available) and a brain challenge too. Perhaps there's something local (oops sorry, coming over all League of Gentlemen)

Apart from that, is there a local leisure centre with a creche ? I once used ours to sit in the cafe & write Christmas cards when I was desparate for time to get it done.

I really hope things start to look up for you soon, your self-control & patience are astounding. xx