Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

is it bad manners to

134 replies

Cod · 04/03/2005 08:30

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Beatie · 04/03/2005 09:50

Agree on the evening reception but then that's another post!

Nome · 04/03/2005 13:16

We just put the our wesite address in the invite, that had all the parking, timings, food info on it and info about the list tucked away in a corner. I personally hate having to phone strangers and if the list isn't included/available on line, the couple end up with John Lewis vouchers...

Pamina3 · 04/03/2005 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 04/03/2005 13:27

I had an invitation excluding my children AND including a wedding list...

I took great joy in buying a cheap naff toy from a gift shop and sending it a year late.

suzywong · 04/03/2005 13:29

yes
if nothing else it presdisposes the respondent to feel your presence is only required for you presents

wild · 04/03/2005 13:32

may try this with Xmas cards

Miaou · 04/03/2005 13:36

I have been to a wedding where dh and i didn't take a present. We had to travel 400 miles (round trip) and although the dds were invited we didn't take them because they were so small. We were so broke that we drove down in the early hours of the morning and drove back during the following night because we couldn't afford to stay. When we spoke to the bride and groom (good friends) we apologised for not bringing a gift. They knew what we had had to do in order to come and in the brides words "you being here is the nicest wedding present you could have given me". If I thought I wouldn't have been welcome without a gift I simply couldn't have gone - finding the petrol money at the time was hard enough.

inhiding · 04/03/2005 13:37

Some people might find it a bit rude, but very often its the norm nowadays. Agree with pollyanna though, its rude to ask for money.. Sorry this next bit is a bit long winded but.. have been invited to a wedding at the end of this month,(3rd partner, but only 2nd marriage, they have 2 children together, aswell as 5 others between them!)There was an insert of paper in her invitation that read like this.....
Wedding list(underlined)
We have been together for so long that we do not need any material things. We would much rather have the pleasure of your company on our special day. However we do understand that some people may wish to give a gift to mark the occasion.
We would however appreciate donations towards our honeymoon with the girls. Your gift can be placed in a basket at the reception. If your gift is in cash please ensure that we are a ware of your contribution to enable us to acknowledge it.
We look forward to seeing you on the day.

Original poster
Cod · 04/03/2005 13:37

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
morningpaper · 04/03/2005 13:37

lol wild

inhiding · 04/03/2005 13:42

Sorry, have I killed this thread? Just couldn't believe the cheek of the person who sent me this! I do also think that if you do want to include your wedding list you can pick and choose whose invitations you put it in. We were invited to a friends evening do as was my sister and my parents. Only my parents invitation had a wedding list in, so we just bought them something from it anyway.

Beatie · 04/03/2005 13:45

I think when there's no wedding list and the couple specify money they're almost saying "We don't trust you to buy us a gift we like and don't want our house filled up with tasteless tat"

It's one thing for all your family and close to agree to give you Thomas Cook vouchers but another to spring it on someone in a formal invitation.

nailpolish · 04/03/2005 13:47

god i hate these weding list things. every invitation these days has one, i never had one and got lovely pressies, folk had used their imagination, i never got 2 of the same thing

morningpaper · 04/03/2005 13:50

inhiding: I agree, it is bad taste! It's just like a good plan to get a nice big pot of cash! Leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

My friend who had the childless-wedding-expensive-present-list had the cheek to ring me up before the wedding and say "Gosh I don't know how we're going to fit all the stuff from both our flats into one flat after we're married!" And I thought - well perhaps it's not really necessary to ask your friends to buy you a shedload of expensive KITCHENWARES then?

Beatie · 04/03/2005 13:51

It can't be considered as bad as in the US where the bride has a shower and expects gifts then too. Plus they have a gift list registered for when expecting a new baby.

inhiding · 04/03/2005 13:52

I just can't believe they want us to say if we've given them cash.. are they checking how much we've given them?

LIZS · 04/03/2005 13:53

I'd agree but think it is The Thing to do so. I suppose it does save the guess work or phone call to ask what they would like. We once had to get something from a House of Fraser (?) wedding list and it was a nightmare - not sure we even got a formal thank you or acknowledgement that it turned up and it cost us a small fortune for a just couple of glasses.

Batters, I think that is awful - wonder how many pressies are they expecting ?!

morningpaper · 04/03/2005 13:53

Beatie: I find the whole 'baby shower' thing REALLY repulsive. Like there's not ENOUGH to celebrate without turning it into a big present-fest! Yuck!

nailpolish · 04/03/2005 13:54

i also hate engagement parties where you are expected to give an engagement pressie too then tey get married 12 mths later and give you a wedding list too!!!!!!!

lilibet · 04/03/2005 13:57

We set up an account with Cancer Research and asked people to donate to this account. Cancer research then write to you and tell you who has donated and how much in total you have received, so you don't know who much each individual has given. We thought this was a fantastic idea as everyone's life seems to have been touched with cancer in some way.

How many people gave?? - 3!!

ok, so some people gave us vouchers and some bought us presents and we were very grateful (especially for the vouchers for 5 cinema trips with babysitting thrown in!) but there are still 10 couples/families who came to our wedding who have done nothing.

One of them is getting married in a fortnight (no children!) and we are tempted to make a donation on their behalf - we got a gift list with their invite.

morningpaper · 04/03/2005 13:58

Lilibet: That's terrible!

inhiding · 04/03/2005 14:02

lilibet, thats awful, I would be very inclined to donate instead of giving them a gift!

Pinotmum · 04/03/2005 14:02

My brother and sil's invitation was accompanied by a letter explaining they already had everything they needed so money would be appreciated or thomas cook vouchers - I was appalled but their guests still did it. In fact their whole attitude was look how much we are spending on you as they had a big lavish wedding! They got married a week before christmas and didn't even buy their neices and nephews a little christmas gift as their attitude was they had been to their wedding and had a meal basically.

inhiding · 04/03/2005 14:03

I am really not going to put any money in the basket at the wedding we are going to! Perhaps I'll donate to the cancer charity instead.

Pinotmum · 04/03/2005 14:03

Oh they got about £25K in money gifts so paid for the wedding basically.