Just saw sansouci's response to my post. . .I'm not questioning the importance of manners, but questioning how it's even possible to discern what good manners are in this age of Extreme Matrimony. It's just so incredibly confusing. Some people seem to think it's bad manners not to invite kids; others don't. Some people think it's perfectly OK to expect guests to travel halfway around the world for a memorable Destination Wedding, but I think that's rude. Dh's Dutch relatives found my big fat Greek-American wedding strange & probably at odds with their sense of decorum. Meanwhile my mother was tut-tutting their too-casual dress & in her mind too-modest gifts (I couldn't give a toss about the gifts, personally). My point is that everyone thought everyone else was rude, though my mother is an Old School stickler for manners, and so are dh's traditional relatives. Who was right? Probably no one. As for wedding lists in the invites. . .some people will find that rude, some people wiill find it helpful (less expense of imagination), and some people, like me, will be thinking about something different within 10 seconds.