is it bad manners to

[Cod]

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I personally wouldnt have the balls to enclose a list or ask for money or anything like that, but I would be grateful if people added a list when I am invited to weddings, as at least I know that I have contributed to something useful that they wanted, I wouldnt however give money as a gift, I'd rather bring nothing than give money. Too tacky.

So far as baby showers, I think that they are a very good idea, I am 30 and lost my mum when I was 28, it still feels like yesterday and she was all the family I had, fortunatley I have some very good friends who have helped me immensely in preparation for my first baby by throwing a baby shower, they went to great lengths and a cried like a baby!

I could do it all on my own but its nice to have friends that care.

Tam x

I was amzed how generous people were when I had my dd. People who barely knew me from my work bought gifts and colleagues of my mum who never met me bought gifts! It's amazing. I now have the same bug and buy baby gifts for barely known work colleagues or acquaintances.

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Ah, so this is where everyone is, I can't believe I nearly missed a wedding thread!

I can see why lists are a good idea and this isn't intended to criticise anyone who had one (since that's most people) but I still sort of find them embarrassing and couldn't bring myself to do one when I got married. It was a very small cheap wedding though. I don't think I'll do when dp and I marry either, I think I'll leave it up to people coming to buy us something if they want to and not if they don't want to, I appreciate that it costs a fortune to GO to a wedding, even without the cost of a present. When did lists become the thing, does anyone know? Or are they traditional? I'd be interested to know. I think it's rude to put them in IF it's evening do only but evening do only invites piss me off anyway. Although I had them at my wedding to ex dh because I stupidly caved under pressure from my mum to fill the reg office with her family and leave my friends out until the evening. God knows why, she didn't pay for it or help organise it, I should have told her to butt out, I wanted everyone to come to all of it.

www: I know what you mean about being pissed of by evening-do invites. How can you NOT feel a bit miffed when you get one? It's like a letter saying "Dear second-rate friend..."

My cousin had a list in the early 80s - I vividly remember this because it had a washing machine on it which was the talk of the rest of the family for a very long time. They are a relatively recent phenomenon I think.

Mp, exactly. Would it be rude to reply 'No thanks, I have a much better offer for that evening'

i think these days most people would bring a gift. As a guest to a wedding i would feel guilty if i did not get them anything, even if it was a cheap wedding.

I always want to see the list of whose attending the reception i.e. the people who are Better Than Me...

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Dh put a dustbin on the list thinking that no one would get it but we do have a dustbin as a wedding present!!!! I'm very precious about my wedding presents (even if it is a dustbin) and take much more care of them because someone gave it to us with love.

There was an article in the papers a couple of years ago talking about the big stores, selfridges, john lewis, house of fraser etc can't remember which one it was but one of them let the bride and groom have the money instead of the gifts! You know the sort of lists where you go in and choose something and the store sends everything together after the wedding.

I have only been to 2 weddings in England and everyone brought the gifts with them which I found strange as in Scotland the gifts are given before the wedding so you can have this "Showing of the Gifts" malarky.

I had a list 22 years ago but don't remember at what point it got circulated. Think it was when people rang up to ask. We still ended up with loads of towels & crystal glasses!

The whole point of wedding presents were to set up home for a young couple... I really don't agree with them for couples who have been living together for years & don't need them, so decide on money for an expensive trip. I wouldn't be comfortable giving money or vouchers because of the whole stigma about how much to spend. Our list started with things like a washing up bowl, dustpan & brush, pastry brush- so people could spend as much or as little as they liked without embarrassment. If I can't afford the amount I think someone is expecting I would sooner give nothing TBH.

(Sorry but also don't like the donating to charity idea either & just wouldn't do it)

tallulah, out of curiosity, why don't you like the donation idea?

I think DP recently gave a donation instead of a present.

He was a bit miffed because it was 'no children'

I used to work in the Bridal Registry dept in Harrods. They had a system there (prob. still do) whereby the bride and groom have a list that the guests then ring up and choose from. Harrods then "hold" all the gifts for the couple at their warehouse and send them altogether just before/after the wedding.

Only ... they don't. They give the bride and groom an account with all the money in which they can then spend on whatever they want. I found this pretty shocking, particularly considering the time and effort that many people put into choosing their gift, and that we often had to lie to people "oh yes, it will be delivered later" etc - and presumably the bride and groom were happy to lie to people about where their carefully chosen gift was!

I guess the problem with the doantion thing might be that yuo don't "approve" of the charity.

I usually ignore lists anyway and get something I'd like

miaow, exactly what I was talking about, what a con! why do people do that to their guests? family and friends etc?

I'm crap at buying gifts, so I always pass out with relief when an invite is accompanied with a list. Being a lazy old mare, I particularly love the John Lewis online gift buying thingy

We got married in Ireland and everyone travelled a long way, so we specifically said 'no gifts, not even sneaky ones', in our invites. I felt so much better doing this, especially all the poeple who had to fly and stay in a hotel with their kids.

You have to be discreet but not coy. I think it's very tacky to include a list with the invite. You might as well ask your guests to pay at the door! Register at a shop, so as to avoid getting an avalanche of cheese boards (we got 3) or whatever. Guests who want to give you something you want/need will take the trouble to ring up. Personally, I love presents & have yet to meet someone who doesn't but it's totally off to put a price tag on a wedding invitation.

Went to a smart wedding this year and there was a card in the invite for their John Lewis "gift list"-personnally dont mind that BUT when I checked the list on line, the couple had requested "gift vouchers" only. Thought that was horrible.