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Original poster

is it bad manners to

134 replies

Cod · 04/03/2005 08:30

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
lilibet · 04/03/2005 14:07

Make a donation and put a recepit in an envelope - tell them that as you know they are wonderful generous people, you know that they would like someone else to benefit from their special day!

morningpaper · 04/03/2005 14:11

... or just buy an ugly lamp...

milward · 04/03/2005 14:14

Think it's fine. Saves having to call up & ask or write & ask. Think it's fine to ask for money - in fact even easier. Thought it super that one wedding had an account for contributions to the honeymoon - what a super once in a life time present. Happy for this rather than kitchen items etc

Beatie · 04/03/2005 14:15

Everyone has such a different perspective. As a couple getting married today it must be difficult to know what to do for the best.

Beatie · 04/03/2005 14:16

Do people still write thank you letters fro money?

milward · 04/03/2005 14:17

Sent a super postcard - so knew couple having lovely time - & a big thank for it being possible.

mrsflowerpot · 04/03/2005 14:23

We had a list that my sister looked after - we put a sheet of paper in with directions, parking, where to stay etc in and at the bottom of that just said 'the wedding list is held with xxx' or something. I must say I felt a bit uncomfortable about that. We had a small wedding and by the time I sent the invitations out lots of people had already asked us where the list was going to be.

Depends how you do it I suppose, I have to say I hate buying wedding presents when there isn't a list - always fearful that I will buy the one that they pee themselves laughing at. But I didn't like the invite that said 'we would be grateful for only Habitat vouchers', and I wouldn't like being asked for cash either.

inhiding · 04/03/2005 14:24

I think people should send thank you's for gifts or money.

lilibet · 04/03/2005 14:26

we did, for everythign that we got, and especially to the people who doanted. And we got some thank you letters from people saying what a lovely day they had, which I thought was really nice and isn't something I had ever thought of doing.

Fimbo · 04/03/2005 14:28

In Scotland we used to do "Showing of the Gifts", where the gifts are all laid out in a room, usually at your parents house and then you have all the ladies over who are going to the wedding to view the gifts and you have to remember who they are all from when pointing them out!! Think it is dying out a little now, never heard of it in England where I am now.

LIZS · 04/03/2005 14:39

btw this isn't confined to UK or US. We went to a Swiss wedding where the couple had lived together for ages so didn't need household stuff. They were planning an extended Around the World Trip so asked people to contribute to elements of this - we bought a wine tasting day in Australia for example. They sent postcards as they did each "present" which was nice. Actually felt better about this than the wine glasses from the Wedding List !!

crunchie · 04/03/2005 14:51

We just got an invite to a friends wedding and inside was a really nice letter saying they had everything they needed, but if people were stuck for ideas they had an account set up at a garden design company as they had just bought land behind their house and they wanted to create a kitchen garden there. I thought that was fine as I usually wantto know if there is a wedding list somewhere.

nailpolish · 04/03/2005 14:52

fimbo - lol! thats such a scottish thing, all the aunties coming round and admiring the gifts, tea and sandwiches, bridesmaid dishing them out!

donnie · 04/03/2005 14:54

I don't think there is anything wrong with a list but it should be optional and it should include things which are £5 or less, as people sonetimes have very little spare cash. We had a list but disn't include it with the invite, it was more ' word of mouth' and we still got lots of items on it.Thank you letters are a must though, IMO. Whenever I have been to weddings/ evening do of someone without a list or who I don't know that well I get champagne or good quality wine.

Fimbo · 04/03/2005 14:54

Oh thank god you came on Nailpolish - all my friends down here look at me as if I am mad. My mum had me reciting off who each gift was from for weeks on end and my auntie ending up making all the things for the "cup of tea" as my mum calls it!!!

mummytosteven · 04/03/2005 14:56

i think it's fine to put details of a wedding list in

we didn't have a wedding list for ours and ended up with a ridiculous number of sets of wine glasses (!).

don't mind doing vouchers - makes life easier

bit iffy on being asked to contribute cash/towards honeymoon tho

dinosaur · 04/03/2005 14:56

Ahem - we Ulsterfolk have to do this as well!

dinosaur · 04/03/2005 14:57

Reply to fimbo and nailpolish!

Beatie · 04/03/2005 15:00

Even though we had a list, lots of people did not buy off the list and I loved all the gifts and one of those included an expensive bottle of champagne, nicely packaged. That was sooo greatly appreciated.

nailpolish · 04/03/2005 15:01

fimbo/dinosaur

and all while the men play golf/go to the pub!!

dinosaur · 04/03/2005 15:02

Well, in days of yore (when I was a wee girl) it would be the men sitting in another room talking about the price of bullocks at the mart, or some other fascinating farming topic.

I don't know whether they've modernised that bit now!

blossom2 · 04/03/2005 15:10

i think if you're going to have a wedding list then its the easiest method (inc in invitation) of letting everyone know where it is.

At our, we had such a wide range of friends attend that there was no one person who knew everyone, so we had it at John Lewis.

its good manners to include a wide range of costs and VERY bad manners to include a list for an evening invitation.

lockets · 04/03/2005 15:20

This reply has been deleted

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Beatie · 04/03/2005 15:32

Awww - make the rest of us feel bad why don't you

I loved getting presents and I needed a lot of the gifts as DH and I had a baby, bought a home and got married with about 14 months but I didn't expect gifts as I did appreciate guests were spending a lot to make it to the wedding itself. I was disappointed not to get a gift from best friend just because she lied about it and becaus eof other issues.

blossom2 · 04/03/2005 15:34

it still amazes me how generous people can be at weddings. DH's boss brought a quarter of our list and people who were invited but could not attend brought stuff from it. We felt so bad.