Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh

[WheresThatCatGoneNow]

Tell a joke that made you laugh.

I heard a good one recently.

A little toddler runs up to her Grandma, and says

"Grandma, pick me up."

Grandma says

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I can't pick you up any more, I'm getting an old lady now."

Granddaughter says

"What do want an old lady for? You've got meeee!"

Made me laff anyway!

Four friends and I helped an old lady to cross the road last week. It took five of us as she really didn't want to cross, and she put up quite a fight!

friends talking on phone…

‘Where are you now Barry?’
’just pulling out of Paddington mate.’
’bet that made him drop his marmalade sandwich!’

it was in a birthday card I saw in a shop yesterday. Actually made me snort!

Two people in a bath together...

"Where's the soap?"
"Yes it does, doesn't it?"

Johny Rotten and Frank Ifield have recorded a duet. It's called "I remember you ya bastard" One for the oldies.

My parents' names are Pearl and Dean. Obviously, I don't use their first names - I just call them Mama and Papapapaaaaaaaaaapapapapapapapapapapapapaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

When I was young, my parents took me to a child psychologist. The little lad was useless.

In Australia, the most commonly-used computer software package is Macrohard Onfire.

I remember that special Christmas when my DB's main present was an empty box - our parents proudly told him that it was an Action Man Deserter.

I always wanted to be an accountant from a very young age, so I was given a box of receipts that year - they told me not to worry if I didn't like it, as they'd kept all the presents.

I went into the butcher's shop and they had a sign saying "Special for this week: a brace of whole venison - £400".
No way, I thought - that's too dear!

Researchers have proven from studies that the four most effective ways of communicating information rapidly to a large audience are:

1. Television
2. Telegraph
3. Telephone
4. Tell Mavis at No 62

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

”hallou-mi”

This is long but always makes me laugh:

Kevin loved tractors. Was obsessed, everything he owned, covered in tractors. One day though, he decides he'd like to start afresh, meet a partner. So he throws away all of his tractor memorabilia, gets rid of it all. He joins a dating site, and a few weeks later he's on a date with a beautiful woman in a fancy cocktail bar. They're chatting, and suddenly the room fills with smoke. Kevin opens his mouth, and sucks in all the smoke, runs outside, breathes it out and returns to his date. "How ever did you manage that?" She asks
"Oh it's quite simple," he says. "I'm an ex-tractor fan "