Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh

[WheresThatCatGoneNow]

Tell a joke that made you laugh.

I heard a good one recently.

A little toddler runs up to her Grandma, and says

"Grandma, pick me up."

Grandma says

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I can't pick you up any more, I'm getting an old lady now."

Granddaughter says

"What do want an old lady for? You've got meeee!"

Made me laff anyway!

What has 2 butts/bums and kills people?

An assassin.

I’ve heard that hundreds and hundreds of times

It just sounds like a feline liqueur to me

What’s red and smells like blue paint….

Red paint🤣 (Think I find it more funnier because I never got it)

The one that always gets a laugh is from on here. It’s best said after a few glasses of wine. How do you keep a man happy. - who cares.

Have you heard the one about the man who had five willies?

His underpants fitted him like a glove.

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donor centre. They are asked their blood group. The priest and pastor reply that they don’t know but the rabbit says he’s pretty sure he’s a Type O.

That might be the one I bought. It sucks.

Bit political, as Ben Elton used to say- a Blairite, a Corbynista and Gordon Brown supporter walk into a pub. "Evening Andy, pint of the usual?"

Why is a koala not a real bear?

Because it doesn’t have the right koala-fications.

These are good ones to tell your kids and do them in this order....

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting cow wh- "mooooooooooooo!"

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting starfish.
Interrupting starfish wh- then put your hand on their face (gently!)

Love this one, very clever!

But it's not pronounced like that though. And even if it were pronounced like that, what is "rair" and what does it have to do with grooming? Clearly I have the wrong accent for this one and know how to speak French properly

The cow one is my DS's favourite joke but I didn't know the star fish one - Thanks!

This is a double joke. You tweak the first joke to make it appropriate to the person, so, for example, I told it to a friend and said "To see the gorgeous woman" which I'll use here.
Be warned though, it sometimes takes a looong time for the penny to drop...

Part 1:
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: I don't know. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: To visit the gorgeous woman

Part 2:
Me: Knock knock!
Friend: Who's there?
Me: It's the chicken!

I'm so glad it's not just me still not getting this one.
The "rair" bit doesn't make sense to me either.

I've said here that I feel like Margot in The Good Life bleating "But whyyyy is it funny?" and it made me remember a further bit from that episode which also makes me laugh out loud (the first line isn't totally accurate but it sets the scene).

Margot: I've never understood humour. I was always the butt of the joke. Do you know what they used to call me at school?
Tom: Err...Margot Leadbetter?
Margot: No. I wasn't married then.
They called me "Starchy Sturgis" - Sturgis was my maiden name.

It's the straight-faced "No. I wasn't married then" that tickles me.

😂😂

A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’
The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’
And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’” – Ronnie Barker

Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?

He got pulled under by a strong currant.

Why did the old man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well!

Did you hear about the dyslexic, who went to the toga party dressed as a goat? 😊

Grandma: is that Malibu Barbie?
Granddaughter: yes, she's my favourite.
Grandma: does she come with Ken?
Granddaughter: no, she comes with Action Man - she fakes it with Ken.

Where does Peter Pan like to eat out?
Wendy's 🤣

It’s pronounced cat urr. That’s also how you say cat hair up north.

Yes! That's exactly right 😊 Cat hair 😹

Finally 🤣🤣

I think "rair" must have been a typo.

🤣