Politicians are like nappies: they should be changed regularly... for the exact same reason.
It's been a really terrible time for me recently - as if it weren't already bad enough that my DH had to be rushed to hospital after being run over by a bus, I then went and lost my job as a bus driver the very same day.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6-offender.
What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your grandad's pants? Your grandma.
A man was driving along the motorway, absolutely busting for a wee. He had an empty Coke can on the passenger seat, so he somehow managed to use that and then put it safely in the cup holder until he could stop.
As soon as he left at the exit, a police officer signalled to him to pull over, before performing a routine check, and finding the steaming still-warm can.
The officer declared "You are under arrest!", but the man was flummoxed and demanded to know what he was charged with. The cop made a call to his central control room and came back to the man, saying...
"I must apologise, Sir, you are free to go. I just double-checked with my superior and I was unfortunately mistaken: it turns out that the offence is actually being found in possession of cannaBIS."
What's the first sign of madness? Suggs walking up your driveway.
HBO is my favourite US broadcaster - and also the reason why Steps split up.
Talking of which, I had a job in backstage security at a festival, and a major disagreement broke out between Steps and Jamiroquai, which was just about to turn into a full-blown brawl. Luckily I managed to get between H and JK.
There was another massive classic rock revival concert planned to take place on the banks of the river Tamar. Unfortunately, it had to be cancelled, as nobody could agree whether The Jam or Cream should go on first.