Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh

[WheresThatCatGoneNow]

Tell a joke that made you laugh.

I heard a good one recently.

A little toddler runs up to her Grandma, and says

"Grandma, pick me up."

Grandma says

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I can't pick you up any more, I'm getting an old lady now."

Granddaughter says

"What do want an old lady for? You've got meeee!"

Made me laff anyway!

Did you hear the one about the hyena who swallowed an Oxo cube?

He made a laughing stock of himself.

Oh I see. Having to have the joke explained to you always improves it 😅

In that case the set-up would surely make more sense as "what is the best time for a Yorkshireman to groom a French cat?"

Shouldn’t that be hundreds and thousands of times🤣?
sorry I’ll get my coat

loving this thread👏👏🤣🤣🤣 sorry need the laughing emoji back xxx

Agree!!!!!

What's the similarity between older men and vintage cars?

You have to start them by hand and jump on once they get going.

It's thought to sound like cat hair, but I'm pretty sure the french pronounce the R in quatre and don't aspirate the H in heures.

Yes, the French don't pronounce quatre heures anything like "cat hair" but that made more sense than "cat rair" (presumably a typo)

Masochist: Hit me.
Sadist: No.

A man walked into a pet shop and asked to buy a pet wasp. The shopkeeper said I’m sorry sir but we don’t sell wasps. Man says, oh.. but there’s one in the window

Have you heard - scientists crossed a cheetah with a crab.

Things quickly gone sideways.

Two cats, an English one called One Two Three and a French one called Un Deux Trois decided to swim the Channel.

English cat made it. Un Deux Trois Quarte Cinq.

What does a vain cheese says to itself while looking in the mirror?

Halooo-me!

I have hundreds of these, hahaha

After Luis Suarez was accused of biting another player in a World Cup match, many people sent him angry letters.

But he never got any of them, because the postman won’t go near his house.

A woman runs into a Hardware store "I need a mousetrap and quick! I've got a train to catch!"
Server: "Sorry Madam, we don't sell them that big..."

What's brown and full of nuts?
Squirrel poo.

What's brown and full of holes?
Swiss poo.

Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Those the only 1s I can think of that are appropriate for posting!

I was waiting at the cash machine today and the elderly lady in front asked me to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over...

Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
😆
Reminds me of:
What's the difference between "erotic" and "kinky"?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

I know a similar version and it always made me laugh. Must be regional!

Not last night but the night before
Three little monkeys knocked at my door
One had a fiddle, one had a drum
And one had a pancake stuck to his bum.

What's brown and taps on your window at night?

A poo on stilts

[Yes, I am very childish]

What do you call a spider with no legs? A Currant.

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tits a lot.

My DD has been in Reception for two months - youngest in her class. They've been learning Spanish since the first day, but she still can't remember how to say "Please". I think that's poor for four.

A sweet little girl with a big smile and a lisp goes into a pet shop and says "I would like thicth mithe, pleath".
The shopkeeper bends down and asks "Do you want six little brown mice, six little white mice or a mixture?"
The girl replies "I really don't think my python givth a thyit, thankth all the thame".

They gave me a box of tin soldiers
To play with when I'm in my bed
I got bored with my sergeants and generals
So I played with my privates instead

Brian Blessed has the heart of a lion, the hide of a rhino, the muscles of an ox and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo!

Two men wearing council-branded jackets spend all day walking around the perimeter of the park, with shovels. One of them digs a hole and then the other one fills it in again, then they walk on three yards and do the same again, and again, until they're back to the beginning.
The woman who runs the ice cream kiosk sees all this and, when she's preparing to close at the end of the day, asks them what on earth they think they've achieved all day.
The men look terribly offended and one of them replies "Just doing our job, madam - it isn't our fault that Bob, who plants the trees, is off sick today".

(Only works if it’s a bank holiday)

My friend was told not to take their sheepdog for a walk today.
Apparently it’s a ban collie day