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Original poster

Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh

184 replies

WheresThatCatGoneNow · 15/05/2026 00:35

Tell a joke that made you laugh.

I heard a good one recently.

A little toddler runs up to her Grandma, and says

"Grandma, pick me up."

Grandma says

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I can't pick you up any more, I'm getting an old lady now."

Granddaughter says

"What do want an old lady for? You've got meeee!"

Made me laff anyway!

OP posts:
fivetriangulartrees · 15/05/2026 23:02

This was an Arthur Smith joke.

I went to the doctor and he said, "I'm very sorry sir, you'll have to stop masturbating."

"Oh no!" I said. "Why?"

"Because I'm trying to examine you."

😂

LaMarschallin · 15/05/2026 23:06

fivetriangulartrees · 15/05/2026 23:02

This was an Arthur Smith joke.

I went to the doctor and he said, "I'm very sorry sir, you'll have to stop masturbating."

"Oh no!" I said. "Why?"

"Because I'm trying to examine you."

😂

On similar lines...
A man goes to the doctor, very distressed, saying "Doc, you've got to help me, my willy's turned orange!"
The doctor says "What have you been doing recently?"
The man replies "Nothing much. Just watching porn and eating Wotsits".

CloseEncountersOfTheLoveKind · 15/05/2026 23:12

wishingonastar101 · 15/05/2026 14:44

What do you call a duck with a drug problem?
A quack head.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sgtmajormummy · 15/05/2026 23:26

A gullible American buys a holy relic at Shannon Airport: St. Patrick’s skull. He’s very proud of it and it’s his favourite talking point at dinner parties.

Years later he travels through Shannon Airport again and meets the same man, selling St Patrick’s skull.
”Hey, you fraud! You sold ME the real skull of St Patrick 20 years ago! It was exactly the same or… maybe a bit smaller…”
”Well, now, you see, that was St. Patrick’s skull from when he was a boy!”

ClairDeLaLune · 15/05/2026 23:36

This joke is koala-tee…..

FireBreathingDragon · 15/05/2026 23:43

What do you call the Jewish version of the film ‘Grease?’

’Schmultz.’

it made me laugh out loud for the first time in ages!

DoYouLikeYourNaneFred · 15/05/2026 23:54

deeahgwitch · 15/05/2026 16:58

Some of these are great and some I just don’t get Blush

If you want any explained, just ask 😊

I think they're all funny so far!

NormasArse · 15/05/2026 23:56

thefemaleJoshLyman · 15/05/2026 23:01

What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

What cheese would you use to disguise a small horse?

Mascarpone.

NormasArse · 15/05/2026 23:57

Which cheese would you use to catch a grizzly?

Camembert.

DoYouLikeYourNaneFred · 15/05/2026 23:58

MoonWoman69 · 15/05/2026 17:38

This is a long one... if you're easily offended, scroll on! 🤣
Two older women talking.
Betty says "The older you get, does your fanny get bigger?"
Marjorie - "I don't know, have you had a look?"
Betty - "How am I going to see up there?"
Marjorie "Stand over a mirror".
So the Betty goes home, the house is empty. She grabs the mirror from over the mantlepiece, drops her drawers, straddles it and is having a good look. Her husband comes home, passes the door, glances over, then runs in and throws Betty over the sofa.
Betty gets up, rubbing her arm and says "What the fuck did you do that for, you could have broken my fucking arm?"
Husband says "I was saving you, if you'd fallen down that hole, you'd have broken your fucking neck"!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

LaMarschallin · 15/05/2026 23:58

I don't get this one:

What's the best time to groom a French cat?
Quatre heures.

Now feel a bit like Margo in The Good Life - "Why is it funny, Jerry?"

Eastie77Returns · 16/05/2026 00:00

My family laughed when I told them I was becoming a comedian.

They’re not laughing now.

(courtesy of the late Bob Monkhouse)

Blueuggboots · 16/05/2026 00:01

Love this one….

Tell me a joke that genuinely made you laugh
DoYouLikeYourNaneFred · 16/05/2026 00:12

One sperm says to the other 'Hurry up' the other one complains 'im tired. How much further' the first one replies 'seriously? We've only just passed the tonsils!'

What do you get when you cross 2 goldfish & 2 elephants ??

swimming trunks!

pikkumyy77 · 16/05/2026 00:12

UnimatrixZeroOne · 15/05/2026 13:58

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says, 'Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, 'OK, now what?

😅🤣

An absolute classic!

DoYouLikeYourNaneFred · 16/05/2026 00:13

Bewareofstepfords · 15/05/2026 22:52

I daren't tell you the joke that made me mop my eyes years ago because it was one of Roy Chubby Brown's and I'm now ashamed of myself !

I can take it!! People can look away.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 16/05/2026 00:49

Bringyourfoldingchair · 15/05/2026 16:57

I am northern Irish but I don’t get it lol

Show quote history

Quatre heures is pronounced cat-rair.

GuelderRoses · 16/05/2026 01:07

What's white and and swings through the trees?

A meringue utan.

GuelderRoses · 16/05/2026 01:11

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering whether there was a dog.

FoxHedgehogBadger · 16/05/2026 01:23

thistimelastweek · 15/05/2026 18:24

A horse walks into a bar with a set of jump leads.
The barman says, I don't mind the long face but don't go starting anything

Show quote history

A Shetland pony walks into a bar. The barman asks ‘Why the long face?’ and it answers
‘Because I’m a little horse’.

FoxHedgehogBadger · 16/05/2026 01:25

Hedgehogs.
Why can’t they just share?

Bowling4soup · 16/05/2026 01:28

EatingAJacketPotato · 15/05/2026 14:11

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Europe.
Europe who?
🤣

Im not a poo 😆

Bowling4soup · 16/05/2026 01:31

Did you hear about the magical tractor?

it turned into a field

Bowling4soup · 16/05/2026 01:32

Speaking of tractors there’s a new tractor movie that’s just come out, but i’ve only seen the trailer….

Redheadedstepchild · 16/05/2026 01:48

I can't win with my boss. He said to me that I needed to leave my problems outside the door at work.
Now he's pissed off that I locked him out of the office.

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