Sexless marriage

[Marky1979]

Hi there

I’m a mid 40s bloke with a wife, same age, 17 years marriage and 2 teenagers.

I live in a sexless marriage - it’s been about 4 times a year for as long as I can remember.

I don’t want to cheat. I don’t want to get divorced. I love my wife. I’m the loyal type.

The problem I have is excruciating frustration. Other than waiting a few decades, is there any way of dialing down that part of the brain?

It’s Incredibly hard to live like this. My wife says she understands but clearly doesn’t.

Who else has experienced this?

I’ve been that woman. And my now partner has been that man. We both got divorced. We are so happy now and affection and intimacy is amazing!
my advice, bring it to a head with her, go to counselling and either fix it or separate.

What’s the difference between your former marriage and the relationships you’re now in?

I’m not daft enough to think taking the bins out more efficiently will change anything.
Still living in hope things will change one day though

People who haven’t been there never can

People who haven’t been there never can

sorry quoted wrong person initially

How long do you leave it though?

I had a big conversation about this issue a while ago. I set an internal deadline for where things needed to improve. It hasn't.

sexlesshusbandwoes

People who haven’t been there never can

pfff- nobody ever should- options- work it out, go without or divorce. Never ever ever cheating.

Very simplistic viewpoint. Life is more nuanced than this. If all other aspects of a marriage are working, a discrete affair can provide the missing element without disrupting the whole family.

Oh look more stupid advice 🙄
Affairs are where partners lie , 1 lie turns into another & then another , & before you know it , everything turns into a load of shit, & that really is the truth as far as affairs are concerned, it’s a simplistic view to think , you go off , enter into a discreet affair & problem solved 🤷🏻‍♀️..

Everything really!
For me, I adore him, respect him, love spending time together, we laugh often but can also talk about anything. We are always cuddled up on sofa and very tactile which we both like. Sex is great (made any excuse with my ex as honestly I just wasn’t into him and resentment and disdain had set in, I used to say I was tired etc too but it’s just an excuse, I wanted intimacy but not with him).
For my partner he has the affection from me he has craved for years, someone genuinely happy to see him when he’s been working away and he feels fancied, loved and secure without any rejection. Tells me every day how lucky he feels.
And we are a few years in not in the honeymoon phase! There is life after a marriage without affection.

Um, what about it?! We wouldn’t accept that now and neither should any man 🤷‍♂️

Weird response.

Same here! About 15 years ago and every year since !

I suppose on balance the relationship must have its good points, or how have you stayed? I chose to leave, but other areas were also not good. It’s not been easy, but I manage to scratch the itch so to speak after many years of not being fulfilled in that area.

Every choice has consequences. Whether you leave or stay.

How would you have felt if your ex had suggested an open relationship? I guess assuming you had kids and more of a ‘need’ to stay

I love this story LondonLady 15 ☺️..
Do you mind me asking what age are you now ?
Completely going off of topic , I met a really nice man, & I was beginning to think he was my person 🤷🏻‍♀️
Everything was great , he finished things last week literally out of the blue , we were only seeing one another a short time but we were like 2 people who just clicked in & out of the bedroom , so go figure 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Anyway, hope I find what you have 🤞 x
Sorry for getting side tracked guys ! ! 🙈

There was an interesting thread on here recently titled something like ‘how old were you when you decided you didn’t want to have sex anymore’ and the number of comments from women stating that they were done with sex, had never liked sex anyway, used to but didn’t want it anymore etc was huge. Whole range of ages, some young

From the point of view of your wife here, it can also be torturous to have the internal battle of wanting to keep your partner happy, knowing they are miserable but not being able to cope with sexual contact anymore and needing to say no over what happens to their body. Especially when they have previously ‘just got on with it’ to keep the peace and try to keep the family together for the kids etc. it can be just as painful situation as for the other partner. Also, often any contact is avoided to prevent their other half from getting the wrong idea or thinking it will lead to something when actually they just want a hug in bed

I’m glad you’ve found happiness now. Good for you

Thanks for putting that side of things to clearly.

i get some of that from my wife. I also generally don’t approach her most of the time because it’s so likely to be a waste of time and upsetting for her. Then throw in the physical effects of menopause.

It’s also the general lack if intimacy - I love a cuddle that’s difficult.

plus the fact that the way that things work takes my feelings into account not one bit

I didn’t leave him because I wasn’t into him or because of a lack of intimacy (that was a side effect of me mentally checking out of my marriage), I left because I was really disliking the person he became. He wasn’t a good husband or father and it took me a good 5 years to leave (married for 20) and yes two dc.

I think what I was trying to suggest to OP is that a marriage without sex or affection isn’t working in other ways too - usually something else going on.

I’m 50 now..and was single a good few years between ending my marriage and meeting my lovely partner. So I’ve done the dating thing and know how frustrating it is trying to meet someone nice!
I met my fella once I’d decided to give up on dating so there is hope. Good luck x

I think your final sentence in this post is very telling; you need to leave mate.

I have very recently left a sexless marriage and I happened into the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Other lives are out there to be lived; don’t die decades from now having been a dutiful miserable husband. You don’t get a medal or anything.

I think your final sentence in this post is very telling; you need to leave mate.

I have very recently left a sexless marriage and I happened into the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Other lives are out there to be lived; don’t die decades from now having been a dutiful miserable husband. You don’t get a medal or anything.

I think your final sentence in this post is very telling; you need to leave mate.

I have very recently left a sexless marriage and I happened into the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Other lives are out there to be lived; don’t die decades from now having been a dutiful miserable husband. You don’t get a medal or anything.

I think your final sentence in this post is very telling; you need to leave mate.

I have very recently left a sexless marriage and I happened into the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Other lives are out there to be lived; don’t die decades from now having been a dutiful miserable husband. You don’t get a medal or anything.

I think your final sentence in this post is very telling; you need to leave mate.

I have very recently left a sexless marriage and I happened into the best relationship I’ve ever had.

Other lives are out there to be lived; don’t die decades from now having been a dutiful miserable husband. You don’t get a medal or anything.