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Original poster

My children told the school I neglect and hit them

248 replies

Charliechaplin1988 · 04/03/2025 11:54

I got a call from a social worker after an argument with my daughter over her buss pass being lost again . They went to both my daughters who said they were scared of me and I wasn’t looking after them correctly (I am mid divorce and they are a bit older and I will say my standards have droppee ) but noyhing I can’t fix like more effort at dinner time and more effort with making sure they’ve taken the right equipment . Mt children were removed from me that day and given to my parents and are now being interviewed by police over claims I assult them ! I have pulled them apart and whacked their legs when they were going hell for leather on each other but I can’t believe it’s got here. We are so incredibly close and having them away from me is breaking me. Will I get them back ? I’m their only parent ?!! We’ve been together just us for 11 years as they weren’t close to their step dad and I feel like I’m dying inside. There’s much work I neee to do but everyone is agasijt me ( apart from my children ) who I saw at the weekend and still adore their mother as they have no gravity of the situation ) I’m so so scared

OP posts:
Newfoundzestforlife · 04/03/2025 16:30

Scrubberdubber · 04/03/2025 13:47

Hi I'm only in my 20s it's hardly "back in the day" out in the real world and not the virtue signalling online world most people know that a whack on the legs while breaking up a fight is not a big deal.
Someone also said the op doesn't have self awareness or words to the effect but she seems pretty aware of her mistakes and the need to sort them out to me. As with many of these threads it's a huge rush to bash the op.

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It's not "online virtue signalling" to disagree with slapping your kids.

I have a 19 year old and 13 year old twins and manage to use my words instead of an open hand.

SnoopyPajamas · 04/03/2025 16:31

Social services are always massively overstretched and tend to remove children from the home only as a last resort. Nothing you describe here sounds like it would result in your kids being taken away from you. Seems like something else must be going on.

The anonymous phone call to the social stands out to me. I'm guessing there's a drip feed coming about dad / step dad / the boy who doesn't live with you anymore

Grammarnut · 04/03/2025 16:36

Newfoundzestforlife · 04/03/2025 16:28

Well done for breaking the cycle 💐

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Broke what cycle? Her mother spanked her once for a perceived misdemeanor, that's not a cycle, that's a misjudgement.

Winterwonders24 · 04/03/2025 16:45

NotTheDebtDoctorWithTheHungryScalpel · 04/03/2025 15:54

"It's not domestic abuse, it's just a man smacking his wife to teach her a lesson"

Can you see how stupid that sounds.

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And by extension "you made me do it!!"

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 04/03/2025 16:46

Grammarnut · 04/03/2025 16:36

Broke what cycle? Her mother spanked her once for a perceived misdemeanor, that's not a cycle, that's a misjudgement.

Edited
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The cycle that it's OK to hit someone if they make a mistake.

Or even the cycle of it being OK to hit someone if you're upset and lack emotional literacy.

Or the cycle of hitting someone for doing something developmentally appropriate.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 04/03/2025 17:01

@Charliechaplin1988 what did the teenagers expect would happen when they told the school you were being neglectful and hitting them?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/03/2025 17:52

Newfoundzestforlife · 04/03/2025 16:30

It's not "online virtue signalling" to disagree with slapping your kids.

I have a 19 year old and 13 year old twins and manage to use my words instead of an open hand.

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Some parents don't know what it's like to have a non-compliant child though.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/03/2025 17:53

All I can say is thank God times have changed and children are actually listened to. I reported my parents to a teacher in the 90s for neglect and alcoholism and was laughed at, told that I was from a "naice" MC family and was lucky not to be from a "troubled home" then told to stop being so silly and dramatic. They didn't even write it down.

Some on here would probably agree with the teacher. That surely meant I was raised knowing right from wrong, amiright?!

SchrodingersTwat2 · 04/03/2025 17:56

FoolishHips · 04/03/2025 15:10

If this is the truth, it sounds like a pretty normal situation. This happened to a friend of mine....school called the police over something very small and from then on my friend had absolutely no authority at home and the daughter ran rings around her.

This isn't abuse. We can't expect women to not react to difficult circumstances and just continue as if nothing is happening. She's trying her best and the kids are being fed. Most of us have lashed out under extreme stress.

Speak for yourself. I certainly haven't ever lashed out at anyone.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 04/03/2025 17:58

Hwi · 04/03/2025 16:23

If you children are happy away from you, they are disloyal and clever. However if your children are miserable being away from you, they are disloyal and stupid. I don't know what you should do - it is not like you administered regular beatings (which only became illegal in schools in the 1980s). The world has gone mad, and if you want to be left alone, you have to play by the rules of social services.

I think you need some serious help.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/03/2025 18:10

SchrodingersTwat2 · 04/03/2025 17:56

Speak for yourself. I certainly haven't ever lashed out at anyone.

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Maybe you haven't had your patience tried the way some people have by their children.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 04/03/2025 18:12

We can't expect women to not react to difficult circumstances and just continue as if nothing is happening.

So it’s abusive if a dad does it but not a mum? 🤔

ivegotthisyeah · 04/03/2025 18:20

nextdoorsgerbil · 04/03/2025 13:14

I think people are being really harsh on OP. She's a single mum to teens suffering and she has depression.

A smack on the legs to try to break up teens who are physically fighting is no big deal. Its better than leaving them to carry on attacking each other. I find it hard to break up my boys who are not even teens if they get physical. There's no way I could separate them if they were teens.

I hope you get some support and get your daughters home back soon OP.

I agree being a single mum holding down a job and running a house on your own is bloody hard work mentally and physically. Kids alright to beat shit out of each other but one tap on the back of their legs and they are removed.
Throw in how awful teenagers can be and how hard done to they are and it isn't a good mix to be telling SS.
I feel for you OP at least you recognise things need to be better
Unless there is more to it

Winterwonders24 · 04/03/2025 18:38

Grammarnut · 04/03/2025 16:03

Your mother didn't beat you, she spanked you. Being spanked is nothing like being beaten. She should have apologised btw, it was her mistake and I feel for the injustice you experienced.
I didn't 'lash out' but I was frightened. My DD had missed by inches being mown down by a car because she'd let go of me and walked into the road. I smacked her. I did not beat her. A smack is not beating nor is it the primrose path to beating. Beating is being hit round the head, bounced off the walls, thrown against the table, hit with a belt etc. A smack is a warning that something is dangerous given to a child too young to reason with - and the naughty step (horrible idea anyway) was not available two streets away from home. DD never ran into the road again. I don't think I ever smacked her again, either.
Showing remarkable constraint, I did not smack/wring the neck of my 12 year old son when he had gone - in daylight - to the post box just down the road (5 mins there and back maximum) and then not returned for over half an hour. I had already dialed 999 (a child missing for half an hour is in danger) when he sauntered into the house saying he had stopped to watch a chimney fire (pyromaniac to this day) being dealt with in the next street. I did shout a bit. I suppose that's abuse, too?
In context, my children played in the street and in the gardens of neighbours, as well as the copse behind the houses (which had a stream running through it), all day, with friends, with little supervision except to know they should be home by dusk - and come in for meals. They had bikes, they rode everywhere.

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Sorry, naughty step is 'horrible ' but you're defending smacking? That logic is so shaky it can barely kneel let alone stand-up

pompey38 · 04/03/2025 18:42

Mrsttcno1 · 04/03/2025 12:18

So your kids have told the truth and they have rightly been removed from your care? Sounds like SS have done their job perfectly here.

oh please , majority of us have been whacked by their parents and none were taken by SS

Glorybox2025 · 04/03/2025 19:01

ivegotthisyeah · 04/03/2025 18:20

I agree being a single mum holding down a job and running a house on your own is bloody hard work mentally and physically. Kids alright to beat shit out of each other but one tap on the back of their legs and they are removed.
Throw in how awful teenagers can be and how hard done to they are and it isn't a good mix to be telling SS.
I feel for you OP at least you recognise things need to be better
Unless there is more to it

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There's obviously more to it!

WaitingForMojo · 04/03/2025 19:30

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/03/2025 17:52

Some parents don't know what it's like to have a non-compliant child though.

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And some parents do, and somehow manage not to hit them!

WaitingForMojo · 04/03/2025 19:32

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/03/2025 18:10

Maybe you haven't had your patience tried the way some people have by their children.

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Can you imagine a man saying that about his wife? Victim blaming at its finest.

GivingOhio · 04/03/2025 19:35

What is the timeframe here OP? Are CSC conducting Section 47 enquiries and the DC in the care of your parents as part of a safety plan while they investigate?

Sounds like you know that things have slipped. Engage in any recommendations offered by CSC and be transparent with them.

error27 · 04/03/2025 19:54

I can't believe there are people here trying to justify hitting children?!?

It's been socially and morally unacceptable for a long, long time.

Many studies have shown no benefit to "smacking" children... only negative outcomes.

Anyway back to OP- just work with child services, do everything they ask and be honest. It sounds like you know things could be better, which is a good thing you are acknowledging it.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 04/03/2025 20:03

error27 · 04/03/2025 19:54

I can't believe there are people here trying to justify hitting children?!?

It's been socially and morally unacceptable for a long, long time.

Many studies have shown no benefit to "smacking" children... only negative outcomes.

Anyway back to OP- just work with child services, do everything they ask and be honest. It sounds like you know things could be better, which is a good thing you are acknowledging it.

I can't believe there are people here trying to justify hitting children?!?

One being a teacher too. I despair.

I would want any child who has been smacked to be able to tell a teacher without a teacher having a bias that it's ok because they have also smacked their children.

adamduritzvocalchords · 04/03/2025 21:00

@Rainbowpassion I work with social workers. They do everything they can to work with families to keep them together. They will never take children away unless they have to. In fact the threshold is ridiculously high to remove children, they have to watch children living in neglectful families for far too long whilst evidence is gathered and chances given despite going into the profession to help. The people I watch working long hours for shit pay all to help children do not enjoy taking children away or being called cunts daily.

Oblomov25 · 05/03/2025 06:44

Is there more to this op? Because back of the legs once without a mark, reasonable, not illegal, is all odd, is there more?

Don't ever talk to SS or Police alone. Make sure you have someone with you, either a partner or trusted friend.

Glorybox2025 · 05/03/2025 07:10

Oblomov25 · 05/03/2025 06:44

Is there more to this op? Because back of the legs once without a mark, reasonable, not illegal, is all odd, is there more?

Don't ever talk to SS or Police alone. Make sure you have someone with you, either a partner or trusted friend.

The issue isn't how hard or how often she smacks them. The issue is that two children told the school that their mum hit them and they are scared of her. How do you think the school/police/social workers should have responded if not by asking the grandparents to look after the children while they investigate? Should they have all told the kids it's only one smack so NBD and get over it?

Oblomov25 · 05/03/2025 07:19

@Glorybox2025

I never suggested anything should've happened, that hasn't happened. Hmm

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