So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I used to work in further education.

Was conducting and recording mock interviews via Teams, so that the teens could watch it back and analyse their own performance.

One young person had a name that every time I hear it, I think that's such an ugly name.

As I was wrapping up said interview, instead of saying "thank you insert name" I said "Thank you Ugly" the name also sounds like Ugly a bit.

There was nothing I could say to save face. The student didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Turned off the recording, my boss had spat her coffee out allover her computer and that day I learnt how to "trim" a Microsoft recording.

I said 'commiserations' to a colleague after his wife died. I'd meant to say "condolences". Commiserations ffs as if he lost out on a prize on a tombola.

I am on the bus reading all these stories and can’t stop laughing.

I just remember writing on an email, just to keep you in the loo instead of loop.

There may be more but can’t remember

Absolutely dying

God, I feel like I do that all the time. I'm a bit hard of hearing and often am not sure what someone's said in response to my 'how are you?' and I don't want to not respond if they've said it back to me, but I worry that they DIDN'T actually say it back to me, so I start off quite confidently with 'I'm very...' and then sort of mumble the 'well thanks'.

I’m glad it’s not just me!!
I say this stuff when I’m focusing on other things - a brain fart! Then my brain clicks in and says ‘what the fu@k did you just say’ ?!

I started reading this last night and cried at @SpidersAreShitheads posts- Spider I so want to go to the chip shop with you 😂

I was proudly showing off my new pizza making skill to a group of my XH's friends (he wasn't X then), when I said 'Of course, yeast is a living orgasm'.
To be honest, I don't think they noticed.

Omfg I'm crying! I'm currently nursing a possibly broken rib - and this has not helped the pain 😂😂

I once spotted a delivery driver walking towards the door so went to open it, only must have forgotten what I was doing as he knocked as I opened the door which made me jump and I screamed in his face!

Also wrote a report once and instead of saying 'looking at it' I wrote 'looking a tit'

I am roaring laughing at this, I wish I’d been there 😂😂

My neighbour with whom I swap cat sitting duties had lost her old cat and acquired three kittens. I was feeding them for a weekend but had to be away one night so my daughter stepped into the breach.
She texted me first thing in the morning saying “all’s ok… kittens are dead”.
“FED. FED. Kittens aren’t dead!”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2021/aug/23/go-out-and-spread-their-legs-nz-covid-minister-delivers-saucy-advice-video

One of the best ones like this, Govt minister on nationwide tv in covid times told everyone to get out there and spread their legs......he must still be dying now.

😅😅

And my dad asked the manager of his retirement living flats how to get radio 4 through his smart meter. Bless her she kept a straight face whilst she explained that he actually needed a smart speaker.

The other week I meant to say thanks, that’s so kind but instead I just bellowed the word ‘kind’ at the bemused cashier.
Mind you, on Friday a very streetwise Year 10 boy handed me his report and said ‘love you’! He then said ‘oh God, you’re not my Mum’ whilst I doubled over with laughter!

It was at Mass (catholic). At some point in the ceremony the priest says “Offer each other a sign of peace”, and you either shake hands or nod and smile as you say “Peace be with you”, and the other person responds “Peace be with you”.

I responded “Thank you”. 😇

“KIND!” Oh my goodness this thread keeps on giving. Crying again.

I was asked my FIL if he wanted to go on the stimulator at the transport museum rather than the simulator.

😂😂😂

Maybe he likes you..

I said a cheery Morning to a fellow dog walker at 4pm.on Saturday. I'd.had an afternoon nap and my brain wasn't with it 😴

My two sons (when teenaged) were larking around loudly in a busy supermarket car park. Eldest DS was teasing younger DS, who meant to say ‘I’ll kick your arse - or - I’ll wipe the floor with you’ … ended up yelling I’LL WIPE YOUR ARSE at the top of his lungs 😂. They’re in their thirties now and still chuckle about this … 😁

He really did say sausages! WTF Keir! I wonder if he's been reading this thread and it's rubbed off on him

At our registry-office wedding ceremony my husband said he took me for his awful leaded wife.